In ancient times, most marriages were for the sake of interests. Therefore, in ancient times, people paid attention to the family status, that is to say, each family should be matched. Marriage was for the prosperity of two families and for the strong and powerful to join hands, rather than considering whether the two married people were happy. In history, marriage even constitutes an important part of diplomacy. Such a marriage is not based on feelings, but purely based on interests.
Ordinary peoples marriage, of course, is not so, but marriage is still a kind of system in essence - as long as it is at the institutional level, we should realize that what it really wants to protect is the overall interests of the society, rather than personal feelings. As a system, the corresponding is an obligation, a must abide by the obligation, once violated will be punished.
But the emotion is different, the emotion is only one kind of personal experience, so the result of ones own experience, in the end, is good or bad, no one will interfere, but there will be no tube. Therefore, if a person is hurt in the emotional world, no one will be able to justice for you and seek justice.
If you understand that love and marriage are different levels of things, then you should understand that you can not start a relationship with your brain, but you must not choose to marry rashly without thinking. Love can be withdrawn at any time, but marriage can not be separated if you want to.
But our understanding, in the beginning are all wrong, our marriage purpose, more is to run the emotion and go.
If you dont like and dont love someone, what kind of marriage do you get? However, if you look at it from another angle, if you dont like and dont love a person, and you want to marry this person, then the stability of marriage may be inexplicably higher!
Its hard to understand, right, but thats the truth, because among the three dimensions of marriage (interests, feelings, and sex), the most unstable one is emotion.
Therefore, those who only care about their feelings, or take their feelings too seriously, are more likely to be disappointed and hurt in marriage, because it is the other party who decides the problem; it is the other party who can meet this part of their needs.
The interests in marriage are usually stronger. Most couples are from poor, self-made, rich in material and with cars and houses. In general, feelings are declining. That is to say, when two people marry, they may have been the most profound and strongest time in their lives.
People often say that emotion is changing, and it is human nature that is changing. Or, change, is originally the high probability of emotion and humanity.
If there is no marriage, feelings deteriorated, do not love, in fact, two people will be separated, no longer willing to separate, will not be entangled together forever. Like between friends, if someone hurt you, you will choose to leave, this is the truth that children understand.
But once emotions evolve into marriage, the nature changes. If the feelings are not good, even if they are broken, they may not be separated, nor can they be separated.
In this context, marriage actually becomes a trap of emotion. It uses emotion as bait to let you enter the door of marriage. You think this can prove love and firm love, but it is really wrong. It is human nature, not marriage system, that can ensure that love does not deteriorate. Human nature has good and evil points. Therefore, whether marriage is happy or not is decided by it What kind of person do you meet, and what kind of person you are, only two people with good nature can get a happy marriage.
Therefore, in marriage, we should not attach too much importance to feelings - this sentence does not mean that we should be ruthless and calculating in marriage, but we should not only take feelings as the only one, especially when the feelings are hurt or the other party does not cherish their own feelings, but also learn to let go of feelings and look down on them.
The most painful person in marriage is to regard the feelings as the only one, but the other party does not cherish them, betray loyalty and hurt them. At this time, they often fall into a dilemma - because those who are too emotional are reluctant to give up their feelings, and they are also hard to accept the hurt and betrayal of their feelings. Most of the time, their painful entanglement, repeatedly seems to be making decisions and choices carefully, but behind them is their own personality, is their own emotional view that makes them deeply involved. Even if they are given more time, they still have no choice but to make decisions.
So, how can such a person solve the problem?
That is, as I did just now, we should have a new understanding of love and marriage - many times, we are stuck in a problem that can not be solved, either because of the problem of understanding and thinking, or because of our ability, and most of the former are the former.
If you just take affection = marriage, the problem may be unsolved for yourself. But if you can separate the feelings and marriage, and deal with them separately, you will have a feeling of sudden relief.
So, what is emotion and marriage separately looked at and dealt with separately? We will talk about these problems in the next article.