Five members of a family were killed in Zigong, Sichuan: if you have a daughter, please tell her this

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 Five members of a family were killed in Zigong, Sichuan: if you have a daughter, please tell her this


A few days ago, I saw a chilling piece of news.

In Fushun County, Zigong, Sichuan Province, Jiang and her sister, her mother, and two daughters of her sister, died in a family of five.

And the suspect, is Jiangs ex boyfriend Qiu.

Now, he has fallen to death.

During this period of time, the cases of intimate relationship occurred frequently.

Over the past month alone, there have been at least five cases of partner homicide seen in the media.

Behind these cases, I also saw one thing I dreaded: intimate relationship has become a dangerous relationship.

In 2017, 87000 women worldwide died in homicide cases, of which about 30000 died at the hands of their current or former partners.

The number of deaths from other family members is about 20000.

That means 34 out of every 100 women killed around the world die of intimacy.

Some people become angry because they cant pursue it, some kill when they get along with each other, some people hate because they cant accept separation.

It is no wonder that the ancients said that the most intimate couple is the husband and wife.

The most difficult thing to prevent is to guard against day and night.

Domestic violence, only zero and countless times

After all, only a few people become murderers.

Whats more, its domestic violence.

The United Nations says at least 243 million women have suffered sexual or physical violence in intimate relationships over the past year.

Domestic violence is a common practical problem.

Its horror lies in two aspects.

Domestic violence will happen repeatedly.

Last November, beauty blogger Yu Ya released a video of her boyfriends domestic violence.

Yu Ya lies in the elevator and pleads.

But her boyfriend, is a face of indifference, and then abuse, while she was forced out of the elevator.

Before that, Yuya had been raped three times.

She used to think that her boyfriend would turn back the prodigal son..

Unexpectedly, to meet her, there were only domestic violence again and again.

u2461 People who are raped by their families are more likely to choose silence

One third of women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence, but less than 10% have reported to the police.

They are the victims of silence in intimate relationships.

As for the reasons, there are many.

Some people are for the growth of children, swallow their anger.

Some people think that if the other party apologizes and asks for forgiveness, it may get better.

Some people have been numb in pain, so desperate that they dare not leave.

Others, even with Stockholm syndrome, will find reasons for the perpetrators and rationalize domestic violence.

03

Habitual cold violence

What we generally recognize as domestic violence is physical violence.

The cold violence in intimate relationships is actually terrible.

This is more common than domestic violence in our country, which advocates that a gentleman uses his mouth but not his hands.

According to the survey of more than 3500 families in Zhejiang, Hunan and Gansu provinces by the China law society, more than 60% of the families with conflicts have experienced cold violence.

The main manifestation of cold violence is the indifference of one party to the other or both sides, including daily communication and sexual life.

Some people summed up cold violence as six no: do not look, no matter, do not ask, ignore, do not care, do not connect.

Whats terrible about it is that you get used to it.

The cold war between husband and wife, the indifference when in a bad mood, seems to be a normal thing.

But in fact, this is already a kind of cold violence.

Secondly, the cold violence in the family will make the children be affected imperceptibly.

I still remember my hesitation and helplessness when my parents quarreled when I was a child and my mother ran away from home.

These are the experiences of countless people like me who have been hurt by the original family.

Cold violence is the harm that every one of us may inadvertently inflict or suffer.

04

The essence of economic control is the deprivation of rights

Another thing that we can easily ignore is economic control.

Pay wages, only a few hundred yuan a month pocket money, try to hide small vault.

The battle of wits and bravery between husband and wife has become a joke of many people after dinner.

But we ignored the seriousness of the incident.

Legally speaking, the ownership and disposal right of family property are jointly owned by husband and wife.

Economic control, in essence, is the deprivation of one partys rights.

Take Zhong Xiaoqin in just 30 for example. She transfers her salary directly to Chenyu, and then she has to rely on Chen Yu for all her expenses.

When Chen Yu couldnt be reached, wechat had only eight yuan left, and even 200 yuan had to be borrowed.

Even when he ran away from home, the first thing he said to Gu Jia was to ask her to go downstairs to pay the taxi fare.

It can be said that Zhong Xiaoqin has lost the ability to break away from this relationship.

Some even want to control another person in reality.

TA wants to know where he went, what he ate and what he played.

The other party participates in what kind of social activities, which people are there. TA has to ask clearly before he can decide not to go.

This relationship is not a symbol of harmony between husband and wife, but a sign of lack of security in marriage.

Once differences begin to arise, money can easily become a rift in the relationship.

In the end, the relationship broke down, the money was gone, and the people were gone.

05

Boundary consciousness, the necessity of intimacy

The first is called boundary consciousness.

Boundary is actually the bottom line and principle when two people get along.

In short, what can be done and what cant be done.

Do you need safety measures for sex? Can you read the chat record of the other party? To what extent can you intervene in each others life? and so on.

Different intimate relationships have different boundaries.

Some people have a vague understanding of the boundary.

Like my friend a Bei, I listen to his girlfriends arrangement everywhere in life. I have to report where I go to eat and who is on the scene. She even asked Abe to break up with a friend.

When a Bei is uncomfortable, he says, she is also for my good..

But in fact, many people, precisely because of this sentence, wantonly invade other peoples borders.

But Abe knew nothing about it.

Others choose silence or even retreat when the border is violated.

Zhihu saw a problem. A girl said that her boyfriend, who had been dating for two months, wanted to open a room with her.

But then the boyfriend began to say, you dont trust me, you dont love me and so on.

She wavered.

Less than half a year later, they broke up.

She suffered a lot in this relationship.

At least, it wont be black and blue.

Indeed, when the border is broken, silence is actually a retreat.

Retreat again and again, finally, there is no retreat.

The house collapsed.

Intimate relationship, also unconsciously, came to an end.

06

Learn heat treatment when feeling cold

There will always be frictions in boundary problems and problems in intimacy. In this case, you need to learn heat treatment.

Last time I heard a colleague tell her own story.

When she first got married, she and her husband loved each other incomparably and scattered dog food everywhere.

At first, she wanted to try to solve it.

However, I felt that this was the daily life of the old husband and wife, so it was over.

Over time, she began to play her own mobile phone on the table.

She thought that her husband would find the problem consciously.

But unfortunately, he didnt.

In the end, the two did not survive the seven-year itch and got divorced.

This is actually the epitome of many intimate relationships.

Sometimes, its our obsession with who speaks first is the loser..

So its obvious that we find problems, but we dont talk about them.

Sometimes, we are defeated by not paying attention.

Just like Duke Huan of Qi, he always felt that problems would disappear naturally, or he believed that time would mend everything. Finally, he was incurable.

In fact, intimacy is not like your room, which can be cleaned up regularly.

Its as fragile as a piece of glass and should be dealt with as soon as a crack appears.

Otherwise, the more cracks there are, the glass will only break into a ground, and can no longer be repaired.

07

It is better to stop the loss in time than to maintain it hard

Finally, you should have a sense of stop in time.

When intimate relationship is a kind of injury to you, you should leave immediately and stop loss in time.

In economics, there is a crocodile rule.

If an alligator bites your foot, if you try to save your foot with your hand, the crocodile will bite your foot and hand at the same time.

The more you struggle, the more you get bitten.

So if the crocodile bites your foot, your only chance is to sacrifice one.

Intimacy, too.

One or two injuries may be inevitable.

But if you are black and blue all over the body and you still insist on it, there is no need.

I still remember the news of Wenzhou female entrepreneurs killed by boxing some time ago.

In the case, the man punched the woman in the head, and the woman fell to the ground directly, and eventually died of invalid rescue.

But in the report, I noticed one detail:

Before that, the two had many similar disputes.

In a quarrel, the man even took a kitchen knife and threatened the woman.

As a result, the tragedy happened a year later.

In fact, how can there be so many prodigal sons turning back?

More people, in fact, are stubborn.

When you have tried, but still can not change;

Well, rather than hard to maintain, it is better to stop loss in time.

Report of Fushun murder case: a man killed five ex girlfriends and two twins in the dead

Wenzhou female entrepreneur was boxed to death by her lover. Before her death, she bought a car for her boyfriend and opened a company. Her daughter witnessed her mothers death Tencent News

Home: the most dangerous place for women: UN report shows that most female homicide victims are killed by their partners or family members, UN news

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