Compared with the shut-up people who talk to death, a person who can chat can create a variety of topics, and then connect them like a spider to form a web of topics.
These peoples sexuality, all in this seemingly calm network, chatting and laughing, on both sides.
So, how to do it in operation?
1. You know, chatting is like a mirror, which can reflect what kind of person a person is.
Generally speaking, there is a style of chatting.
A persons external chat style is the persons internal feedback, or reaction.
For example, a boy told me that in order to show his humor and interest, he often jokingly said to a girl he had just met, how can I lift your skirt, my neck is red to my feet and so on.
When we see such expression, the first feeling is very uncomfortable.
This kind of awkwardness is not the difference between the right and the wrong, but obscene.
Moreover, this kind of indecency will run through all the time.
When a person is not good at joking, it is called obscene and humor when it is well played.
Its a sense of wholeness that needs to be cultivated in conversation.
At least you have to learn not to say anything wrong before you weave a topic network.
In the process of two people chatting, one doesnt need to talk about how good and excellent they are. First of all, they have to talk about the passing line first.
As for how to distinguish whether chatting is a pass or a fail, a basic method is: the stage theory of chatting.
To put it simply, it means that a person should say one stage at a time, and he can say what he said at any stage.
If a person is just getting to know each other, Ta tries to talk about such a deep topic.
This is actually not doing what should be done at this stage.
Its like walking on the road and suddenly a stranger comes directly over and starts digging your nose.
Can we imagine if we can stand it?
2. Chatting is something that needs practice.
For example, when a boy doesnt talk to a girl very much and feels very depressed, he will be very hungry and thirsty when he chats with the girl. This is normal.
When a person chats with the other party, he or she cant talk about the other partys emotions, and cant let the other party have emotional fluctuations. In fact, its normal.
Anyone can get a good ability of chatting and communicating through practice.
There are a lot of people like to praise each other to please each other, but most people are easy to praise the way of reaction.
The specific operation is as follows:
1) First, describe a specific thing that the other person has done and made you feel great, and be sure to tell the truth and the details.
2) Then, tell me what kind of feeling the other party has done to you.
In this way, it will make the other party feel that we are sincere.
Otherwise, just saying too good, too powerful, too adoring and so on will make people feel very fake and empty.
Good compliments are full of details, while bad compliments can make people feel hypocritical.
Praise is not good show exaggeration, give people the feeling is in flicker.
Of course, this is just part of the essence of spider chat.
In future sharing, we can continue to carry out targeted.
Good chat is like driving, and the relationship between the two is a car. In the process of chat, it needs to inject fuel and power into the car.
This kind of fuel and power is the topic, which can drive the car of two peoples relationship forward.
To explore a new topic is to refuel, and to say Oh, OK or just passively follow the other persons topic is to brake.
A girl told me that one night she wanted to go to her boyfriends house because she had been touched by a hooligan before, so she asked her boyfriend to pick her up.
Because the boys have to go to the unit on duty at night, they let the girls go by themselves.
Girls said their own experience, but the boy replied, a lot of girls have met hooligans, how can ah, also can not meet hooligans, reduce the sense of security..
The girl said that they often quarrel with each other because of such things. Whenever there is a quarrel, she will only cry emotionally and do not know how to express her feelings.
In my opinion, the way they both use is not open and sincere communication, both of them use suggestive communication there.
For example, one person said, Ive been touched by a hooligan before. another person said, a lot of girls have met hooligans. What can I do?.
Why cant a girl just say, I need you to send me.. Then the boy said, no, because Im going to be late.
If two people communicate directly and sincerely, the problem may not be so serious.
When we are chatting in intimate relationship, two people constantly hint at each other, guess each other, and speculate with each other, it is easy to cause that everyone does not know what the other is thinking.
In this way, it will further cause misunderstanding.
In order to make the other party better understand what they want to express in daily life, and to avoid conflicts caused by communication problems, we must:
Secondly, to strengthen or improve the communication style of two people is to express our demands directly.
Finally, we manage our expectations reasonably in terms of expressing our needs on one thing.
Just like the example of the girl mentioned above, before communication, a girl may establish an expectation that the other party will give you her, but the boy never achieves it.
Whether or not you can reasonably understand the other partys expectations, and reasonably manage the other partys expectations, is what two people must do before they communicate.
Of course, one thing is very important:
Real communication must connect the objective world with the subjective world.
One of the most important things about communication at the operational level is:
Through understanding, listening and talking, we can understand each others subjective world and know how the other party views everything.
Then we can share our views on the matter with them, so that they can connect with our subjective world.
Only when two peoples subjective worlds are connected can communication really begin to work.