There was a time when I was joking with my friends about the characteristics of Chinese women, and this conversation happened accidentally. Although it was half a joke, this situation is indeed a phenomenon that can not be ignored in the current society.
We may often hear the saying coquettish women have the best life. In my daily life, some people will say to me:
Oh, I just cant be coquettish, so I always work hard in my relationship.
Coquettish women: women who dare to face their own vulnerability and can express their vulnerability.
Best life: be able to get the care of each other in the relationship, and have a relatively balanced and long-term relationship.
In fact, coquetry is not a dogma that all women must abide by in their intimate relationship, because some women experience different family environment, educational background and cultural atmosphere.
So some women are really not coquettish, or not good at coquetry, this is a very normal thing, even if not coquettish, in fact, it is not bad.
However, in the feelings, to know how to express their own vulnerability, is what everyone must learn.
Fragility is not weakness, but human nature.
Because when you really become powerful, then the other half is indispensable to ta.
In life, TA can do anything, if everything can be done by itself, TA will not need a partner so much.
The reason is that strong women will be good at hiding their vulnerability. In the eyes of men, they will feel that she does not need herself at all. She can handle everything by herself, and men will not find their own value in such a partner.
But you dont have to worry about becoming a love insulator when you become not vulnerable, because there is no such person. At least I havent met such a person as a consultant for so long.
Those who seem to be not vulnerable actually hide their vulnerability to the deeper depths of their hearts, but the people around them do not notice it.
Strictly speaking, people are not vulnerable or not vulnerable, but only more vulnerable and less vulnerable.
There is no absolute distinction between personality and emotion.
An omnipotent person, TAs light will overshadow the people around him, many things can be done by one person, that may need to live a good and lonely life.
A weak person, Ta must get on well with the people around him, and let everyone help him to live a normal life. Such a person usually does not stand out from the crowd, and often has a very good friendship with the people around him.
For example, its like taking pictures with a camera. The oldest cameras are black-and-white, blurry, or photocopied with blemishes, which are among the more fragile of the cameras.
But when people become aesthetic tired of dazzling colorful photos, they will gradually find that those old photos have a different flavor.
Therefore, fragility is relative, and sometimes it is a kind of strength.
A person who is really strong in his heart can enjoy both the strong and the weak.
Like a person who knows beauty, TA can enjoy both color photos and black-and-white photos.
Because Im vulnerable, so I need you..
Judging the health of a relationship can be judged from two aspects: satisfaction and dependence.
Its easy to understand how satisfied you are with your partner.
The degree of dependence reflects the degree of bonding between two people.
Although some partners have been together for a long time, sometimes because of the occurrence of some small contradictions, they suddenly separated, which is also due to the lack of cohesion.
The subtext of I am vulnerable is I need you.
Such a state is called appreciation.
Mutual appreciation of two people, is not enough to come together, two people love each other also need a necessary condition, that is, each other.
I once knew a female entrepreneur. She was a very excellent person in the eyes of many people. She is also known as strong woman. She has a very good boyfriend, however, their relationship is very insipid. After a year of talking, they finally broke up because they had no feelings for each other. Moreover, this woman almost did in every relationship.
In fact, the so-called no feeling at this time means that neither of them has a sense of need.
In a normal relationship, a man hopes that his other half can have a need for him in some way, so that he can find his sense of need from this relationship. For example, girls are afraid of the dark when walking at night, they need comfort when they are frustrated at work, and they need to be accompanied by men, so that men can realize that they are valuable.
If women do these things themselves, then men will feel that they have no sense of existence in this relationship.
People often ask, how can we make our partner know how to take care of ourselves?
At this point, we can ask ourselves a question - does the TA feel that you need to be taken care of in the other persons eyes?
Some people often say that the relationship between strong women will not be smooth. In fact, the key point is not that women become strong or not. However, if the only impression of a woman in her partners mind is strong, she will feel that she does not need to take care of her, and naturally she does not know how to take care of her.
Just think about it. When we read novels, movies and TV series, we often see such a plot, that is, at the beginning of the story, the hero is a very mediocre, even some cowardly role.
I believe that we are not unfamiliar with such a plot, many people have seen such a story.
Looking back on the process of observing the process, in fact, the protagonist encountered some challenges. People around him asked for help and said, we have no way to do this. We need you. No matter how well you do, we believe you can complete it and so on.
At this time, the protagonist may be hesitant and still not confident in his own ability, but because of the vulnerability of the people around him, because they came to help him, as a man, he can not say that he is powerless, he has no way back, he has to choose to go forward.
It is in such a fragile ask for help again and again, he will become more and more powerful.
Generally speaking, learning to be vulnerable is also a required course in our life communication.
A truly powerful person is one who knows how to turn vulnerability into strength and how to control it.
Let Im fragile, I need you become an emotional connection and a driving force to make the other party strong.
Feng Jia, a postmodern oriented psychotherapist, a marriage and family counselor, a Satya model family therapist, and a Gestalt therapist, read you stories that are hard to see in your feelings.