There was a time when I was joking with my friends about the characteristics of Chinese women, and this conversation happened accidentally. Although it was half a joke, this situation is indeed a phenomenon that can not be ignored in the current society.
How can I learn to be coquettish Why cant I be coquettish
Therefore, what does it mean and how to understand what is often said that coquettish women have the best life? Let me translate this sentence for you
Coquettish women: women who dare to face their own vulnerability and can express their vulnerability.
Best life: be able to get the care of each other in the relationship, and have a relatively balanced and long-term relationship.
In fact, coquetry is not a dogma that all women must abide by in their intimate relationship, because some women experience different family environment, educational background and cultural atmosphere.
However, in the feelings, to know how to express their own vulnerability, is what everyone must learn.
Being coquettish is only one way to express vulnerability, but there are other ways to express vulnerability.
Fragility is not weakness, but human nature.
I said, its OK to be strong, but if you just want to be in love, you dont have to be too strong.
If there is a person, really become extremely powerful, omnipotent, I think such a person does not need love, do not need intimate relationship.
The reason is that strong women will be good at hiding their vulnerability. In the eyes of men, they will feel that she does not need herself at all. She can handle everything by herself, and men will not find their own value in such a partner.
But you dont have to worry about becoming a love insulator when you become not vulnerable, because there is no such person. At least I havent met such a person as a consultant for so long.
Those who seem to be not vulnerable actually hide their vulnerability to the deeper depths of their hearts, but the people around them do not notice it.
Humans are social animals. In ancient times, in front of lions and tigers, humans were vulnerable, so people needed to gather together, and beasts would be used to going alone.
But well find that when people get together, they become more powerful than beasts.
Strictly speaking, people are not vulnerable or not vulnerable, but only more vulnerable and less vulnerable.
The man with a strong heart is not without vulnerability, but able to handle it.
There is no absolute distinction between personality and emotion.
An omnipotent person, TAs light will overshadow the people around him, many things can be done by one person, that may need to live a good and lonely life.
A weak person, Ta must get on well with the people around him, and let everyone help him to live a normal life. Such a person usually does not stand out from the crowd, and often has a very good friendship with the people around him.
Most of the time, such characteristics as vulnerability are part of peoples temperament, not absolutely good or bad.
When we learn to live with vulnerability and appreciate the benefits behind it, we learn to manage vulnerability.
For example, its like taking pictures with a camera. The oldest cameras are black-and-white, blurry, or photocopied with blemishes, which are among the more fragile of the cameras.
Later, people began to pursue color, clear and flawless photos, these are powerful cameras.
Therefore, fragility is relative, and sometimes it is a kind of strength.
Like a person who knows beauty, TA can enjoy both color photos and black-and-white photos.
Judging the health of a relationship can be judged from two aspects: satisfaction and dependence.
The degree of dependence reflects the degree of bonding between two people.
Although some partners have been together for a long time, sometimes because of the occurrence of some small contradictions, they suddenly separated, which is also due to the lack of cohesion.
The subtext of I am vulnerable is I need you.
Generally, when two people just know each other, we will understand each others advantages and disadvantages. We will attract each other because of the others excellent characteristics.
Such a state is called appreciation.
Mutual appreciation of two people, is not enough to come together, two people love each other also need a necessary condition, that is, each other.
In fact, the so-called no feeling at this time means that neither of them has a sense of need.
In a normal relationship, a man hopes that his other half can have a need for him in some way, so that he can find his sense of need from this relationship. For example, girls are afraid of the dark when walking at night, they need comfort when they are frustrated at work, and they need to be accompanied by men, so that men can realize that they are valuable.
If women do these things themselves, then men will feel that they have no sense of existence in this relationship.
Express vulnerability, and the other person will become stronger.
People often ask, how can we make our partner know how to take care of ourselves?
At this point, we can ask ourselves a question - does the TA feel that you need to be taken care of in the other persons eyes?
Some people often say that the relationship between strong women will not be smooth. In fact, the key point is not that women become strong or not. However, if the only impression of a woman in her partners mind is strong, she will feel that she does not need to take care of her, and naturally she does not know how to take care of her.
Just think about it. When we read novels, movies and TV series, we often see such a plot, that is, at the beginning of the story, the hero is a very mediocre, even some cowardly role.
But as the story unfolds, the protagonist experiences a lot of things, and eventually becomes a person with a strong sense of responsibility, and even a great hero.
I believe that we are not unfamiliar with such a plot, many people have seen such a story.
Try to recall, what kind of plot do you usually have to go through? Perhaps, to be exact, what kind of cognitive test should be experienced before a man can become mature from childishness?
Looking back on the process of observing the process, in fact, the protagonist encountered some challenges. People around him asked for help and said, we have no way to do this. We need you. No matter how well you do, we believe you can complete it and so on.
At this time, the protagonist may be hesitant and still not confident in his own ability, but because of the vulnerability of the people around him, because they came to help him, as a man, he can not say that he is powerless, he has no way back, he has to choose to go forward.
It is in such a fragile ask for help again and again, he will become more and more powerful.
A truly powerful person is one who knows how to turn vulnerability into strength and how to control it.
Let Im fragile, I need you become an emotional connection and a driving force to make the other party strong.
Feng Jia, a postmodern oriented psychotherapist, a marriage and family counselor, a Satya model family therapist, and a Gestalt therapist, read you stories that are hard to see in your feelings.