From primary school to high school, my grades are very good, but Im not happy, because my classmates dont like me, saying Im lonely and sharp. I hate to talk to my parents, but I love them. What I said most about me is: you look at your virtue, just a sad face, you will know to cry, you are really ignorant and so on. When I went to university, I thought I would be happy, because I thought that at least my parents would not hate me any more, and that there must be a good relationship between college students. But Im still not happy. I know that I am narrow-minded and bad tempered, so I try to restrain myself and try to be friendly and tolerant to my classmates. But I always feel lonely and lose my temper. I dont know why, I dont feel comfortable to see other students studying hard or getting good grades. In March last year, I went to the hospital for chest pain and said it was hyperplasia of mammary glands. I was like a bolt from the blue. I felt that it was not glorious to have breast disease at such a young age. Whats more, the doctor said that I must take medicine for a long time. I happen to be afraid of taking medicine. Breast hyperplasia, like a stone pressure in my heart. I began to think wildly and pay no attention. What lingered in my mind was mammary gland disease, why mammary glands were so annoying, would I have to take medicine all my life, and why I was so unlucky Tears all day, emotional instability, see other students happy, I envy and envy. Sometimes I feel like Im going crazy. Its terrible. Im so sad! What should I do?
The story of no tears tells us that she is a very unhappy girl growing up with tears. She named herself no tears, which made me feel that she was living in a tearful no tears fantasy. Of course, it made me understand her deep desire: to say goodbye to tears.
What makes no tears unhappy? Or whos not making her happy?
The story of no tears seems to tell the reason. What a hurt she was when she was a child! Otherwise, how can I still be so clear remember I went to preschool... at the age of 20? But I would like to say that it is because she has been carrying the memory of injured preschool girl that she unconsciously plays an unhappy person.
The unhappiness of no tears has something to do with her childhood experience. We know that anger or pain is because peoples needs are not met, so is unhappiness, which is based on the frustration of desire. When people are young, if they encounter some setbacks of basic and important wishes, their emotions are tense and anxious, and their inner experiences are sentimental and helpless. From the perspective of development psychology, whether a person can form a healthy and stable personality depends on the stage of infant and childhood, and the key condition is whether there is a safe parent-child relationship. Safe parent-child relationship refers to the parent-child relationship that is conducive to the healthy growth of children. It refers to the parent-child relationship in which parents should understand emotional rearing, that is, they can give children warm skin contact, unconditional care, respect, encouragement, etc. For example, when no tears was bullied by other children when she was a child, she asked her parents sadly. At this time, the emotional upbringing of parents should be like this: the mother gently pulls the child
It seems that you have been wronged, and a father can say, come on, lets judge. Do you think the schoolbag is bad or the boys behavior is bad? And so on. It can be imagined that if we treat children in this way, no tears at that time would not suffer from psychological trauma again on the basis of sadness. Whether or not to buy a new schoolbag is not the key. The key is that parents should know what is important to their children when they encounter conflicts, what kind of reaction can soothe the childrens injured psychology, and more importantly, they should teach their children to learn how to deal with sentimental emotions.
This can only be done by parents who know how to raise their emotions.
The tearless parents reaction to their children at that time was a way of education for their childrens psychological frustration. Their later attitude, words and deeds reflected the unsafe parent-child relationship for the growth of childrens personality. Of course, their frustration education is unconscious. Many Chinese parents are like this, do not know what is in line with the emotional rearing of childrens psychology. Dont blame them, you can only helpless and sigh.
The Apocalypse of the story of no tears should be: it is more important for parents to accept parent-child relationship education than to send their children to various education and training classes.
However, the reason why no tears is not happy is related to those sad events or bad objects on the surface, but also related to her sensitive and introverted personality (of course, the formation of her personality is also closely related to early parent-child education). Because in the same event stimulation, everyones feelings and reactions are not the same, the same pathogenic environment, not everyone will be sick. No tears is growing up gradually. In high school and University, it means that she has entered into a social environment to exercise her interpersonal skills and personality. However, she has to learn well, and learning well does not bring her happiness. This shows that her personality has not grown up. The injured little girl in her heart haunts her like a rogue, which makes her rational cognition of people and things still stay in preschool. You can see that after that, I always seem to love to cry, which is undoubtedly her repeated memory and repeated complaint of the initial injury; her aloof and sharp words are the expression of her simple desire and self-esteem after being hurt, but the situation has changed. She turned the expression I hate you dont love me into a metaphorical sharp language, aiming at the people who hurt heruff08 It seems that she is jealous of others. In fact, she has never been understood and valued. It is a kind of hatred that she yearns for her parents (including others) to like her and recognize her failure. These resentments and resentments have seriously affected her self-identity u201dHer mammary gland hyperplasia is the price of her temper tantrums, crying and forbearance. It is a secondary disease that mammary gland organs help her bear the emotional pressure.
Therefore, the unhappiness of no tears has something to do with the hurt that she was denied and rejected when she was a child, her experience of not being happy since childhood, and her lack of self-identity. Unhappy people need to understand that our judgment of childhood may affect our judgment of reality. All the unhappiness and bad emotions seem to repeat the trauma of the past. Unhappy people always feel that they are not as good as others, are not confident enough, and have a sense of frustration and incompetence. In fact, most of them are due to the fact that they did not establish a sense of happiness when they were young children.
Understand what makes you unhappy, do you know what makes you happy? Who can make you happy? In fact, each of us has an answer in our heart, which is different from others but belongs to ourselves. Because everyone has different understanding and experience of happiness. If peoples needs are satisfied, they will have a happy experience. Different levels of needs lead to different pleasure.
If a girl like no tears wants to be happy, she might as well think and do this:
Understand unhappiness and pain. Your story and your tears express your unhappiness. Unhappiness means pain. Why are you not happy? Because you have pain in your heart, this pain has not healed since you were a child. If the wound is not good, it is always in a sensitive state. If there is a little external influence or internal excitement, you will feel pain (or emotional outburst). If you want to be happy, you need to re understand: the original pain, perhaps, is the early unknown little boy, as well as parents who dont understand emotional upbringing, even if they should be responsible, they should only be responsible for their past behavior. It is you who keep and protect this pain, and you should be responsible for the secondary creation of this pain. How can they be held responsible for past actions? You still need to reinterpret them: they are not saints, they are fallible mortals. You can scold them thousands of times in your heart, but you cant hold on to hatred. Since they are ordinary people, they should accept them, including their mistakes. How to make yourself responsible for the painful secondary creation? Tell yourself: the current unhappiness has nothing to do with parents, but with the pain of nostalgia. To understand the pain of nostalgia for such a long time, it turns out that the feeling of early injury is still there, and I believe that I can deal with this pain.
Mourn and grieve. Whether you are happy or not depends on your inner choice. If you really understand the reason why you are unhappy and can really re interpret unhappiness, happiness and pain, then you can make some new choices. First of all, decide to say goodbye to your unhappy little girl, the little girl who was hurt in preschool. She has been buried in your heart. For a long time, you dont think she exists, because the past has already passed. However, her resentment of being wronged is still there, and has not been clarified and appeased. She is like a pain point (complex) stuck in your unconsciousness, disturbing you from time to time, resulting in you always feel lonely in the interpersonal environment, and feel resentful and depressed. Therefore, you need to say goodbye to the sad little girl in your heart, and constantly say goodbye to her from your heart -- goodbye, you belong to my past! We cant choose whether we want to or not about the past, but we can choose to modify our attitudes and views on the past.