But mintao feels that the relationship between her husband and herself has been stable, and her husband has already become her spiritual support and psychological support.
On Valentines day this year, mintao accidentally found a consumption list in her husbands pocket, completely breaking the peace and order of life.
When mintao confronts her husband, she doesnt expect that the other party doesnt have any excuse and tells the truth about her extramarital affair.
Mintao learns that they have been together for a year and a half. The other partys education is not high and there is no stable job. However, her husband says that he has true feelings for that woman. Now he cant let him down. I hope mintao will accept this fact and give him time.
Mintao is shocked. Is this the honest, family friendly man I know? Instead of apologizing and promising, I told myself that I couldnt break it now How can he be so selfish, regardless of his feelings, regardless of his family?
This sudden cruel test was pushed in front of mintao. She couldnt figure out why, after years of peaceful and harmonious marriage, she cheated?
Mintao and her husband are in free love and have a good emotional foundation. After marriage, the two lived together for many years, created a business together, and enjoyed the joy of struggle together. Now, the career of both sides is more and more stable, and the children are more and more sensible and independent. Sometimes mintao has begun to imagine her and her husbands life after retirement.
She never thought that life would throw such a bomb to her when she was caught off guard.
After further communication, we learned from min Tao that although her husband is now successful in his career, he has experienced many failures and setbacks in starting a business, and even nearly suffered from depression.
Moreover, min Taos husbands childhood was hard and oppressive. Her husband said that when she was a child, her family was very poor, and there were many brothers in the family. Her husband was the eldest brother, and his parents pursued strict stick education.
When he was young, he could not fight against the severe beating and scolding of his parents. When he was young, he had no conditions to fight against the society, and could not win a proud life for himself. Finally, when he was middle-aged, he saw that the material life was getting better and better, and he also made some social achievements and status.
Her husband felt that he didnt have to bow down again. Therefore, through an extreme way of cheating and betraying his wife, to satisfy his sense of existence and dignity, this is late middle-aged treason.
The growth and maturity of a person in this life is always accompanied by several critical rebellious periods.
The first rebellious period was about 2-3 years old. At this time, the childrens self-consciousness began to develop, and the ability of movement and body coordination became better and better. Therefore, the two or three-year-old children began to rebel, discipline and restrain their parents. Their favorite words were no. They proved the existence of I through treason and proved that I and you existed independently.
At the age of 12 to 18, rebellion occurs in the second stage. Children prove that they have grown up and independent by resisting their parents, teachers and authority.
If a person has experienced these two rebellious periods, and his treason has been understood and accepted by the people around him, he has the opportunity to express himself and develop himself, which means that he has successfully passed these two rebellious periods, his psychology will develop smoothly, and the possibility of middle-aged rebellion will be greatly reduced.
However, if a person appears obedient, obedient, honest and obedient from childhood, it often does not mean that he does not have any rebellious thoughts in his heart, but his independence and rebellious desire are suppressed by the environment. Such people in middle age, the probability of rebellion is relatively high. To some extent, it can also be said that the middle-aged rebellion is a kind of compensation for the early failure to rebel.
Once a man rebelled in middle age, his wife would easily become the victim of this mans middle-aged rebellion. Because the object of his rebellion is not only against his wife, but also his parents and the whole environment.
Vindictive self compensation
Mintao remembers that her husband once described such a scene to her:
His husband said that his fathers words made him feel ashamed. In the future, when he ate again, he just buried himself in eating white rice, and did not dare to take another bite of food. Until he was an adult, his husband still kept this eating habit.
For this matter, mintao had not put too much in mind, she has always thought that her husbands personality and living habits are introverted and low-key, but she never thought that the man had so much self-restraint and desire.
Many people believe that the children of the poor who are in charge of the family early will naturally cherish it when they grow up. But it is easy to ignore the fact that:
Children who are in charge of the family early often bear a lot of life pressure that should not belong to them, and grow up in depression and lack.
Such people often have a huge empty desire to fill in their thoughts and emotions; in the future, once they have more achievements and resources, they are likely to take revenge self compensation.
Just like Su Daqiang in everything is fine, he has been submissive all his life at home. After his wifes death, his temperament has changed greatly, and he has begun to make various works and make all kinds of twists and turns. This is essentially treason in his old age, an extreme and excessive self compensation for his inability to be himself.
In the final analysis, mintaos marriage has changed. There are some problems between husband and wife, but there are also quite a few factors, which are the problems of her husband.
Deal with your emotions first, then evaluate your marriage rationally
After seeing the above two points, mintao should do the following:
1u3001 Sort out the context of the whole thing and divide responsibilities reasonably.
2u3001 Deal with your emotions, calm down and listen to your inner thoughts and voices.
3u3001 We should evaluate our marriage rationally, find out the value and problems of this marriage, weigh the pros and cons, and formulate the basic marriage goals.
4u3001 Repair the relationship as planned, or make trade-offs.
Through in-depth communication, mintao realized that he was very attached to this marriage and her husband. We further comb and evaluate the marriage between mintao and her husband, and the impact of this extramarital affair on their marriage.
The positive aspects of marriage:
The marriage between mintao and her husband has a deep emotional foundation; after her husbands infidelity, he still actively undertakes family responsibilities; the financial power of the family has been in mintaos hands for many years, and her husband has always trusted mintao economically; the third person is married, and the possibility of having a correct result with his husband is extremely low, and his husband has repeatedly said that he does not want to divorce Both of her two children are in the critical period of their studies. She and her husband have a common understanding in this respect, and they do not want the emotional problems between husband and wife to affect their childrens studies.
Although mintao and her husband have a solid emotional foundation, since the birth of their two children, min Taos focus has gradually shifted to the cultivation and education of children, and he has neglected her husband;
Husband and wife sleep in separate beds all year round, and the intimacy and passion of husband and wife decrease to a great extent;
The relationship between the husband and the third party lasted for a year and a half, and had been in a state of furtiveness before, which, on the contrary, deepened the passion and excitement of this extramarital affair;
The third partys cultural level is not high and she has no stable job, but this makes her worship her husband with high education and high achievement, and provides her husband with high emotional value that she has not provided. This is also the fundamental reason why her husband is hard to give up her extramarital feelings.
Su Xiao, senior emotional consultant of Xingzhi Online
Through event sorting, marriage evaluation and emotional counseling, mintao tells us that she is aware of the problems in marriage, which can not be explained by the marriage itself, but it also reminds her that there is a lot of room for adjustment in marriage. For her husbands own problems, such as inferiority complex, middle-aged rebellion and self compensation, mintao is willing to give the other party a chance to grow and change At present, she doesnt want to give up the marriage, whether its out of personal feelings, the value of marriage, or the consideration of children.
Therefore, we give the following suggestions:
Because this not only consumes a lot of personal energy of mintao, but also min Taos husband is still in a period of passion for the third party, coupled with the rebellious middle-aged, his thoughts and behaviors are relatively stubborn and even paranoid. The more mintao stops him and persuades him, the more he treats his wife as the opposite, and the more he wants to rebel and escape his wife.
2u3001 It is suggested that mintao should make some preparations from the realistic level to increase the cost of betrayal and loss of marriage.
Although mintaos idea is to repair the marriage as much as possible, it has to be said that the premise of successful restoration is that we have the ability to leave. At the same time, the higher the price of betrayal and loss of marriage, the greater the deterrent power to the husband, and the higher the possibility of successful repair. In the past, although her husbands direct monetary income would be kept by mintao, mintao knew little about the shares and actual operation of her husbands company, which were the biggest assets of their family. Therefore, it is suggested that mintao should make a systematic inventory of these assets and consult marriage lawyers when necessary.
Give timely and positive feedback to your husband about the changes he has made, affirm his value and importance, and increase his confidence and motivation to continue to invest in his family.
4u3001 Increase their attention and investment, and find their own living space.
But what can be sure is that at present, mintao can do what he can according to his own mind and plan. In the end, no matter how the outcome is, mintao will have no regrets.
Im pan Xingzhi, your close emotional counselor. If you need professional help, send me a private message. Fortunately, I will help you through the emotional crisis.