The old lady said, No. Its forbearance and forbearance.
But Xiaochang endure again and again, but recently cant bear it, because her husband actually started to her mother.
Xiaochang is registered in Beijing and has a doctors degree.
After marriage, her husband moved his hukou to Beijing, so he changed his gentle attitude and often stayed at night. Even when I go home, Im still lying on the sofa watching my cell phone or playing games in front of my computer.
At that time, Xiao Chang thought: bear with ones patience, the life should lead, perhaps had the child, the man can have some sense of responsibility.
But only three months after she was pregnant, her husband filed for a divorce.
She thought: endure a long time, the other side will probably read their own good.
This forbearance, her husband is not cold and violent, when she does not exist, on the contrary, she smashes things at home.
Until the child was born for half a year, Xiaochangs mother came to take care of her, and said casually: you also look at the child, dont go home every day to play games.
Her husband kicked her mothers thigh bruised.
Because effective tolerance refers to tolerance, not patience.
Are you the same as Xiaochang?
Clearly hope that the other party can help, but dare not say their own needs, expect the other party to take the initiative to understand; clearly the relationship has been bad, can not bear, but fantasized to endure the past, the future will be good; clearly the other party has stepped on their own bottom line, but still retreat, until they lost themselves.
In fact, there is a kind of disadvantaged groups in marriage because they kill themselves first.
In response to Mencius words: people will insult themselves, and then people will insult them.
Lets start with an anti common sense conclusion: weakness in relationships has little to do with money status.
Do you remember Lin Zhiyings first love ye Yunyi?
When she was 13 years old, she was dug up by a star scout. After making a shampoo advertisement, she was hanging all the way. From Vitasoy to McDonalds, Hong Kong was full of posters.
At the age of 15, he cooperated with famous brands such as Zhong Chuhong and entered the performing arts circle. A year later, the fire spread all over China, Japan and South Korea, collecting thousands of favors in one.
At the age of 22, ye Yunyi married into a rich family.
Her husband Chen Baihao lingers in the flowers every day and often doesnt go home.
After the divorce, she had to change her name and become a sales girl at the sales office in Shenzhen.
I came out to work when I was too young. I didnt know what I wanted or what I was doing. I didnt understand why so many people liked me. I felt that everything was unrealistic. I wanted to change and live a different life. I wanted to go to school. Finally, I chose to get married.
In the low position, endure a bad relationship, often because they have already lost themselves. The superficial weakness is not terrible, but the inner weakness.
Those vulnerable groups who are used to patience
How did you lose yourself?
1. Silly white sweet
Jiang Shuying once mentioned in the program that her feelings were broken up several times. She was too passive in her feelings and was a failure.
Even once and a boyfriend have been talking about marriage, the other party suddenly disappeared. It was not until then that she remembered to know about each other.
Then found out: the man seems to have a wife.
They are not up to their role in life and often need another person to help them take control of their lives.
In fact, they are also using their innocence and weakness in exchange for dependence to gain a sense of control over life. In other words, silly white sweet is also more easily manipulated.
How many people make complaints about Wang Yueluns speech in Tucao conference?
But now we can see that in Wang yueluns marriage, he has been putting himself very low.
This is how to discuss problems
His wife calls and calls at any time
Some people always turn on the flattering mode automatically in the relationship.
They repress their aggressiveness to death. Even if they are slapped, their first reaction is to stretch out the other side of the face. But behind the meekness, I dont care.
For them, the simplest, most convenient and lowest cost way of interpersonal communication is: dont offend you, its better to make you happy, and then go away quickly.
What this kind of vulnerable groups really need is not praise, recognition and love, but a low-level attitude of patience in exchange for a sense of security.
In a relationship, there is a kind of person who is always aggrieved - the victim.
For example, when Zheng Shuang and Zhang Heng went on a variety show, hot searches were all like this: Zheng Shuang coaxed Zhang Heng; Zheng Shuang and Zhang Heng quarreled and cried; Papi sauce talked about Zhang henglengs violence.
But on the other hand, what are the benefits of victims?
Second, you dont have to take responsibility in the relationship, you dont have to change.
In a word, its the fault of others if you dont like your life. As long as the other person changes, the relationship will be better.
To sum up, in these three weak mode, they put themselves in the weak, helpless, passive, and can only bear the position, stay in a relationship that constantly hurt themselves.
The people around are worried, but they cant leave. Why?
Because this kind of strong weak, active passive and hurt hurt relationship mode is often the result of their own choice.
How did this weak model come from?
Most of the people who use weakness to gain care, control and security have not experienced fully accepted experience in the past.
First of all, what they learn is not equal cooperation, but an opposite relationship model.
When they grow up, they always need to make sure whether others like themselves or not.
For example, some children can only get the attention of their parents when they are sick and sick. They will find that being strong and excellent is not good. Instead, they will be ignored by their parents, but the weak will be worried and cared for.
Compared with the two, of course, its better to be weak and small. They dont have to make too much effort, but they can also get the emotional support they want.
I like a sentence in inferiority complex and Transcendence: we live in contact with others. If we choose loneliness, we choose death.
And the biggest heart evil of the weak lies in the fear of being abandoned.
There is a word in Psychology: abandoned child plot.. It means fear of losing the object of attachment, so no matter how bad the object is, you cant leave it.
They dont experience total acceptance and love, so its hard to understand what a high-quality relationship is like.
They have no expectations of a good relationship, so they can only stay in a painful relationship.
However, in strong and weak marriages, there is no winner. Behind the strong and the weak, it is actually dependent.
The weak exchange dependence for security and control, while the strong use dependence to cover up vulnerability. Both sides are just dealing with each others masks.
If you often feel sad and wronged in a relationship, you feel that others are sorry for yourself; if you think that you are always enduring injuries, you are always the weak side.
You need to think about whether you have turned on the weak mode.
Im not a weak person. We all have to pay the price for our choices and take responsibility for our lives..