But my mother is not easy to get along with, more demanding, is a strong personality. Since I was sensible, she always said nothing about the family. Of course, this may also have something to do with her own ability. We are more demanding on our ex-wife.
So, for years after marriage, the family quarrels have been going on. The atmosphere at home, often is the first second or the wind is clear, the next second has become overwhelming. Maybe for a long time, she was really tired and disappointed, so we divorced six years ago.
Before the divorce, my ex-wife asked me to choose between them. Maybe at that time, I was still relatively young, and I had a traditional sense of raising children for the aged. I always felt that my mother had given birth to me. If I wanted to leave my mother, it would be treacherous. So, at that time, I behaved vaguely, and then I divorced her in such a confused way.
How to put it? In fact, I love her very much, but I have always been afraid of my mother, from childhood to most. Therefore, at the beginning, for their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law contradiction, I have been caught in the middle, powerless, nothing.
Although I have never been partial, I still hide behind my ex-wife in my subconscious, and even have some kind and lucky psychology.
Now think about it, this has virtually encouraged my mothers arrogance, made my ex-wife have been in a helpless situation, and finally made her completely disappointed with me.
Ask yourself, if I didnt avoid the key issues, or if I didnt always take it for granted, my mom is good to me, then it will be good for you. No matter whats wrong with my mother, its my mother! Isnt my mother just a bad tempered woman? Why can I let her, but you cant Then, with the relationship between us, she would not divorce me.
Maybe many of us Chinese men have these ideas in their bones, but in fact, it is a manifestation of laziness, inaction and shirking responsibility.
In fact, transposition thinking, mother to sons good, and mother-in-laws good daughter-in-law, are always two things. Although the son can easily forgive his mother, but as a daughter-in-law, it is difficult to do so. For a mother, although she can always understand and accept her son without a bottom line, she can never turn a blind eye to the fault of her daughter-in-law.
To put it awkwardly, it has always been just our mens unilateral masturbation to let mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along like mother and daughter. But in fact, the mother-in-law can never be the mother-in-law, and the daughter-in-law can never be the mother-in-laws daughter-in-law. In this world, at least 90% of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can not do this.
Therefore, what can really determine the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is always the common bond between them men. The fundamental crux of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lies in men! The fundamental way to solve the problem lies in men!
The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has never been caused day by day. The violence and hegemony of either side of them is just because of the acquiescence of men!
Although in the previous marriage, I never explicitly supported any party, but as the man in the middle, if I cant express my attitude, even if I just dont speak. Among them, whether I am unintentionally partial, or because I have the character of cowardice and laziness, for my mother, that is a kind of acquiescence.
So, up to now, I still regret it very much, and my mother began to reflect on it. To sum up the past lessons, if I want to talk about my girlfriend again, I will set these principles for myself in the face of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
1. I will never force my daughter-in-law to live with her mother-in-law. Even if they ask for it unilaterally, I will not accept it, unless they both have a real will. 2. No matter whether I live together or not, I will bravely take up this responsibility, and I am duty bound to protect the weak and the good side, and never allow the previous mistakes to happen again. 3. As long as I find out that the situation is not right, I will have a long pain rather than a short one. I will stop the loss in time and force me to live separately. I will never drag my feet.
To be honest, I dont know if these principles work. But I just feel like I should do it now and Im ready.
At least, I will not, as before, put myself out of the way with a negative mentality, and let two women who have no blood relationship and have nothing to do with each other for the sake of some trivial matters and fight each other to death.
Because, more and more feel: facing the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the responsibility that every married man should have.