Scene of lovers quarrel: a joke pokes holes in the original good feelings

 Scene of lovers quarrel: a joke pokes holes in the original good feelings

If you want to ask Leng University, is this the performance of boys avoiding heavy ones and neglecting responsibilities? No.1 and No.2 are chat records of last night, and No.3 is one of his examples. He came home late and I went back to him like this. Although my words were a joke, he felt that he should care about him.

In this story, we can see two important themes:

First, learn to positively express the issues you propose.

For example, the girl mentioned in her chat record, are you afraid that Im out there alone?

Because we dont know what she really thinks, we guess she might be trying to say, arent you worried about my safety? Im outside alone. What if I meet a gangster?

Or whats the danger at this late hour

Maybe she wants to express: as a girl, what should I do if Im chased outside? Im with other men, arent you jealous? wait.

Above, although we dont know exactly what she wants to express. However, the word fear is very interesting.

In short, this literal expression does not express exactly what she wants to say.

For that boy, it may be like monk Zhang Er - cant feel his head. He doesnt know what he should do, which leads to more misunderstanding.

Therefore, we should always learn how to express better.

When will a relationship break down?

From my point of view, its a time from disappointment to despair.

When we are aware of the disappointment in a relationship, we need to know that this emotion is a signal light, which means that the relationship is on the yellow light; if we allow this emotion to turn into despair, it is the red light of the relationship.

How does disappointment usually come about?

There are two possibilities:

On the one hand, it is our inner expectation, inner expectation and inner expectation that are not satisfied.

We want the other party to treat us like this, but he treats us like that;

We want him to give us a gift on a certain holiday, but he didnt give it, or he gave us something that didnt hurt.

In a word, the other partys practice is not the same as their own expectations.

Obviously, in this relationship, the girls behavior is lower than the other partys expectation, and the boys behavior is also lower than the girls expectation.

On the other hand, sometimes, its not that our rational expectations are not met, but we feel the other partys reluctance and unwillingness on the emotional level;

Or, the other side does it, but it doesnt feel out of focus, and the action is completely deformed;

Or, if we just make a superficial effort to feel the other partys intention, we will be disappointed.

In both cases, disappointment is likely to come.

In our daily life, we can start from these two angles to mend each others disappointment about the relationship, and plug up the loopholes one after another, and the relationship will move towards a healthier state.

But if ignored, the loopholes will grow and the relationship will break down.