If a person can choose to betray you, the relationship is already unstable. It is very difficult for this person to be truly responsible for you and loyal to you. Whats more, even if TA really turns back, you will find that your situation is completely different from that before betrayal, and you may feel uneasy at any time and dont know how to renew it Build your own sense of security.
Yes, in fact, the most confusing and difficult part of betrayal is the inner sense of security.
Do you think that betrayal only hurt feelings? Not at all.
If betrayal only hurt feelings, then those who choose to go back to the marriage, it should be said that there will be no more problems, should be happy, but the reality is not so.
Betrayal of the real harm to your soul, is to let you fall into a state of uncertainty.
First of all, the uncertainty of feelings, marriage and family.
If there is any behavior that is most likely to endanger emotional marriage and family, it must be betrayal, which will put all of these on a precarious edge. And marriage and family are so closely linked with ones life that when the emotional marriage is unstable, how can your heart be truly peaceful.
Therefore, many people hope that the emotional marriage and family can regain stability after being betrayed, so as to eliminate the insecurity brought by the uncertainty.
Betrayal is the deepest harm to both feelings and soul. Although such harm can be healed through efforts, the duration and effect of healing vary from person to person.
No one can easily get out of the haze of betrayal, betrayal, will let a person encounter a major blow, deep frustration, strong self denial, emotion out of control, a variety of negative emotions hit, can withstand all this, and can finally resolve all this, do you have confidence?
In fact, I have no confidence.
Finally, unpredictable and pessimistic about the future.
As mentioned above, after betrayal, because betrayal is closely related to emotional marriage, the marriage is unstable, and the future is uncertain. You are not sure that you can make a good relationship with the other party, and you are not sure whether you will choose to end the marriage.
Even if you really have the courage to choose to end your marriage, you are not sure about your life after divorce - and I have to tell you another fact is that people who have experienced emotional betrayal are pessimistic when they think about divorce and think about all the possibilities, which makes them even less courageous.
No divorce is the same thing. For two peoples future, they hold the same pessimistic attitude. They think that their relationship has been twisted for a lifetime. They both hate each other and cant leave each other. In the end, they can only choose to let nature take its course.
The reason for all this is that the inner insecurity is too strong, and there is no effective way to get enough security.
How to be able to have the courage to face all this, how to be able to make oneself strong up.
Too much preaching and comfort is just chicken soup. At this time, what is good and evil rewarded, everything is the best arrangement, which is not enough to solve these problems.
The key to solving these problems is where your courage comes from.
Especially in those places where you can see, touch and quantify, you can improve yourself. To put it more vulgar, it is your economy, your social status, your interpersonal circle, your work and career, etc.
I have done so many emotional counseling and found a rule that those who have a sense of value and achievement in their work and career are more confident to cross this threshold in the face of betrayal.
Second, you have to get rid of your worries.
In this respect, we should learn to open ourselves up, but this kind of liberation is different from the chicken soup for the soul.
Therefore, after encountering betrayal, the less worry about the future, the better you will be for yourself. Among them, dont bear too much responsibility, which is the key point of knocking on the blackboard - marriage is the business of two people. If you try hard, if the other party is deliberately destroying, you cant do anything about it. Then let it be. You dont need to add extra and extra psychological burden to yourself.
Third, you have to have the courage to face all possibilities.
Do you know why youre insecure? At the end of the day, its because youre afraid. After experiencing betrayal, you also realize that many things are not the same as before. There will be many variables in life in the future So, what are you afraid of?
Be sure to find out these fears, because simple fear is subconscious. If you dont find out, fear will never be eliminated. You find out what you are afraid of, and then overcome and solve them one by one.
You are afraid of being lonely when you are old. You are afraid that there is no one to love you, and even there is no one around you. Then, pay attention to your body, keep healthy, develop the habit of exercise, and take care of yourself; save a little money to prevent yourself from being taken care of when you are old. At least you can afford to hire a nurse. Of course, you should also adapt to loneliness and cultivate your ability to be alone
When you can do these things well, this worry will be eliminated; correspondingly, if you dont work towards these angles, you will never solve the problem - many people may still place their hope on the other party, so you will never get a real sense of security.
The above is just a simple argument, and all problems are actually the same thinking.
In the face of betrayal, we need to dig deep into the psychological mechanism behind it, and fundamentally solve the problem. A person, a relationship, a marriage will never determine your life. What can determine your life is always yourself and must be yourself. Come on!