Some time ago, because of disagreements with my husband, he suddenly ignored me. He went to the living room by himself. His face was very ugly. He refused to communicate with me. It seemed that I could feel a little resistance from him.
In fact, we have been married for many years. Every time he launched a cold war, I had to wait for him to calm down and let it go. But this time, he stopped talking. I was a little worried. I ran after him and asked him. As a result, he lost his temper and lifted the table. I was so scared that I didnt dare to move.
I dont understand. What does he think?
At this time, we can not stand in the wifes angle, but try to stand in the husbands point of view to perceive. At this moment, he looks cold, does not speak, refuses to communicate, and has obvious hostility and confrontation. What does he feel in his heart and what does he want to express?
From the husbands point of view to detect emotions, we can feel that when they refuse to communicate, there are about four kinds of psychological states:
The first is that he thinks its useless to say something, and it doesnt make sense to say it. The more you say it, the more you quarrel with each other, the more you hurt each other, so you dont say it.
Third, he is actually evading. When he cant find a good way to solve the current conflict and comfort his wife, he has to use silence to avoid and delay in this way.
Fourth, he doesnt speak because he knows that any word he says with his mouth open will be denied or rejected by his wife with a reason or excuse. So, whats the point of his words?
There are bound to be bumps in marriage. There is no perfect partner in the world. It is normal for couples to have some minor dissatisfaction in the process of getting along, which will not really affect the survival of marriage.
But once the relationship has reached the level of disgust, I am afraid the marriage will really come to an end.
Small discontent turns into deep disgust
In the past ten years of marriage, Lele and her husband have had a deep feud. They have quarreled more than they have slept.
Lele is strong and emotional, and always expresses with emotion, rather than communicating and solving problems rationally and objectively.
When they disagree, Lele will be coquettish if she is in a good mood. If she is not in a good mood, she will lose her temper and say that her husband does not understand her. This little thing is not willing to listen to her. As time goes on, her husband becomes more and more bored.
Later, at a party, Leles husband met a girl with a gentle character and soft voice, and soon fell out of the way under the attack of the other party.
When Lele learned that her husband was cheating, she instantly realized that her husband was retaliating against herself. He wanted to make her sad in this way and let her see the dissatisfaction in his heart for so many years.
I can understand that you are not happy with your marriage for so many years, and I am not happy either. Since you think that our marriage can not go on, we should first separate and give each other half a years time to think about it. Then we will decide what to do about our marriage after half a year.
At first, the husband can pick up the children every Sunday and spend a few hours with them. Then they can get along with each other in the same way as ordinary divorced couples. At the same time, the husband can also be with a third party freely.
In this way, the husband lived with a third party for three months without any external pressure. During this period, the seemingly gentle third party gradually exposed his nature, and there were contradictions and conflicts between them.
At the same time, Lele did not stay where she was. She began to seek change and growth. In the process of learning, she realized that she had learned many bad patterns from her original family, including cognition, emotion and behavior strategies, which affected her performance in marriage.
In the following separation time, Lele accidentally found that her husband came to her more and more times, and each stay was longer and longer.
But now her husband is slowly able to communicate with her and express his own views. At this time, Lele has also learned to listen, to seek common ground while reserving differences, and to understand how to comfort her husband and accept his emotions.
Finally, in the following three months, the husband and wife are getting closer and closer, and they are getting farther and farther away from the third party. Can you know what the outcome will be in half a year?
Half a year later, according to the deadline they agreed, her husband resolutely broke up with a third party, took Lele and his children home, admitted his mistake to Lele, and said that he seemed to have a new love affair with Lele.
In the end, their relationship is not repaired, but rebuilt, and the husband falls in love with his wife again!
With patience and determination, Leles first step in marriage recovery is very beautiful.
Her choice of separation does not mean to let her husband go. On the contrary, she takes this opportunity to let her husband see her calm and calm side, and also takes advantage of this calm period to avoid the other partys impulsive divorce.
At the same time, Lele has been growing up in her later life. She not only admitted her mistakes in marriage, but also saw clearly the needs and expectations of her husband and herself.
Finally, it is a new beginning for Lele and her husband!
Im pan Xingzhi, your close emotional counselor. If you need professional help, send me a private message. Fortunately, I will help you through the emotional crisis.