What matters is not what happened, but what we think about what happened.

 What matters is not what happened, but what we think about what happened.

Whether you are a child, or an adult, whether you are a student in a school, an employee in a company, or a manager in an enterprise, everyone has his own anxiety.

However, if we want to really deal with anxiety and let it stay away from us as much as possible, the first thing we should do is to take the initiative to approach it, that is to say, we should first recognize and understand anxiety and understand why we are anxious.

When it comes to causes, we generally have two ways of attribution.

One is to attribute the cause to external people, things or things.

For example, when the exam is coming, students will feel anxious, so we will attribute the cause of anxiety to the exam.

This is one of the ways that most of us think about problems in real life.

What makes us anxious, what is the cause of our anxiety.

The other is to attribute the reason to their own heart, thinking that there is a deviation in their way of looking at the problem.

In other words, it is said in the cognitive behavior theory that:

What matters is not what happened, but what we think about what happened.

This kind of thinking will consume your brain cells, and even point the source of the problem to yourself, which is both laborious and unpleasant.

But in the view of psychologists, such a way is exactly the most effective way to change ones cognition and ease anxiety.

So here, lets take a look at the underlying causes of our anxiety.

incapable of action

Generally speaking, the things that are going to happen are those that are difficult and will put a lot of pressure on us.

But these dont necessarily make us feel anxious. Only things that we feel powerless and unable to cope with can cause anxiety.

When you feel powerless, you will be suspicious of yourself. Your inner monologue is full of sentences beginning with I cant, I dont have and Im not, and then think you are a bad person.


No sense of security

There was a formula for anxiety

Anxiety = concern + threat

Sometimes it comes from the outside.

Like this new epidemic, in the face of this external threat, everyone will have no sense of security, this is a normal response.

But there are also some cases where we dont feel secure because of the outside, but because of our own heart.

In the face of such anxiety, you need to understand:

Some sense of security needs to be given by others, but more often, we need to give it to ourselves.

When we can see the positive side of the problem more and become more sunny and optimistic, our anxiety will be much less.

Pursue perfection

Anxiety is a kind of mood that is often accompanied by worry, anxiety and panic. Sometimes we worry not because we may screw up something, but just because it may not meet our inner expectations.

Perfectionists are deeply troubled by this.

They always strive to be perfect and set a very high standard when doing things, hoping that the process and the result are perfect. But in reality, this perfect situation almost does not exist, therefore, the pursuit of perfection is always in a state of uneasiness.

As one consultant put it: I feel like my life is full of regrets. If I could restart my life, I would rather live it again.

Real life is not a state of all or nothing. It is either all good or nothing. Real life is always mixed.

The pursuit of perfection can be a kind of beautiful ideal, but accepting deformity is a more mature mentality in life.

Finally, practical bacteria want to say,

How a persons life depends not only on what you have experienced, but also on how you view your own experience.

Anxiety can affect you, but it wont determine you.

What really decides you is your heart.

When the heart changes, a lot of what the eyes see will change.