Xiong Ling: how to face the criticism of others

 Xiong Ling: how to face the criticism of others

Most people may think that your question is very simple and naive. Because of high school age, even love is not enough to surprise people. So to answer your question, I would like to ask you two why you are under psychological pressure in the face of other peoples comments?

Psychological pressure means that you are afraid of other peoples comments.

Of course, you said that you are ordinary friends, so other peoples comments refer to extraordinary friends, and your pressure is also this unusual. Unusual is love relationship. So you are actually afraid that others will misunderstand your association is in love. Feeling psychological pressure means that you have the psychological burden of suspicion of love, and the formation of this burden can not help but be encouraged by your own factors. People who are afraid of being criticized by others, or feel psychological pressure in front of others criticism, generally have such a mentality: sensitive personality and excessively care about other peoples evaluation, which is also a kind of high self-esteem need. Self esteem needs are the normal needs of a persons psychological development, mainly reflected by others self-identity and good evaluation, which is the most important needs of a person in adolescence. But excessive self-esteem needs, as the saying goes, too good to face, we will be too concerned about other peoples views, and suppress their own real ideas, aggrieve their real feelings. For a long time, in interpersonal relationships, they will unconsciously put on the mask of good and good to cater to others. In fact, they will be oppressed, but they will be suppressed. This kind of personality sensitivity and high self-esteem need will give us the psychological burden of face saving and living suffering, because we give many of our truth to others wantonly distort.

So I say, its not other peoples comments that put you under psychological pressure. Its your own sensitivity and vulnerability that creates a situation of fear of criticism from others. Its your inner essence that drives you to pay more attention to other peoples evaluation, so that you cant stand on your own heart and are forced to live in the eyes of others.

The premise of reducing psychological pressure is to be aware of why you are afraid of being discussed. The burden of criticism is also related to your adherence to ideas. You know that you are not in love, but you are sad because others mistakenly think it is love. It shows that you reject love very much. At least you hold the view that you should keep pure, and you cant fall in love in high school (which implies that love means no longer pure?). I dont mean that your views are wrong. This is exactly what many parents and teachers appreciate. I want to say that your persistence and perfect maintenance of this concept make you feel the psychological pressure of purity injury and perfection damage in the face of criticism. Because other peoples comments are untrue criticisms. Only when you take others criticisms seriously can you hurt your fixed ideas. And unless a person simply repels or subconsciously yearns for what others criticize, criticism will cause harm to people.

Lets understand why other people are talking about it? It seems to be human nature to be good at argumentative and argumentative. For some people, talking about people behind their backs is their hobby. The so-called topics of emotion, color and sex are the delicacies of people who like to talk about. They can be very happy and happy when they chew them. It can satisfy peoples curiosity and realize their need of release, revenge or jealousy when they are unhappy. As people with pranks and jealousy, their comments never respect the objective facts, and will not discuss the matter on the matter. In that case, it will not be called the criticism of villains, but the truth of gentlemen.

Therefore, if you want to reduce your psychological burden, you need to understand what phenomenon is gentleman is frank, villains are often sad, you need to understand and distinguish what is the heart of criticism, what is the real and justice.

The most fundamental way to put down the psychological burden is to examine ones own personality psychology: is it too sensitive, too perfectionist, and too value others recognition? In other words, it is necessary to cultivate their own independent, firm, open and cheerful personality, and enhance their subjective will and the ability to identify with themselves.

The most important thing is to cultivate a kind of self-concept - confident self-identity. We cant control what others say, but we can control our own choice of what others say. If you have enough autonomy and self-confidence, you can decide what to listen to, what to reject, which to list as appreciation and which to reject.

You ask how to keep our friendship from deteriorating?

If both of you can understand and do as we have discussed before, I believe that your pure and beautiful friendship will never deteriorate.