I broke up with my ex boyfriend because of the cold war, and there was no direct quarrel. I feel that although I look like I have high EQ, I am trying to please others. I cant change it. What should I do?
When we want to make a change, we must ask ourselves a few questions: why should I change? Is this change right? And what can change do for me?
In your description, try to avoid a positive conflict with others. If you have emotions, you will not vent. After expressing, you will regret. These are the way a person deals with conflict, and it is neutral in itself.
How did the way to deal with conflict come into being? It is in our constant experience and experience that we have found a way that is most suitable for us, can protect ourselves and achieve our goals.
Some people will choose to cry when dealing with conflicts. It is because they find that crying can bring compassion and resolve conflicts; when others choose disputes, they find that disputes can realize their rights; when others choose rational communication, they find that it can bring maximum benefits.
All kinds of ways are to achieve their own purpose, so they have been preserved and used for a long time.
You say that you like harmonious relationship very much. The way you avoid conflict is just a way to get to harmonious relationship. As long as this goal is achieved and you dont suffer great loss or the loss is bearable, I dont think it is necessary to change.
You are now using the flattering personality to frame your own way. The essence of the flattering personality is to over abandon your own interests, aggrieve your emotions, and satisfy others (of course, to a certain extent, satisfy yourself).
If you dont feel great emotional discomfort or give up your interests without a bottom line in the process of avoiding conflict, its not a flattering personality.
Of course, if you want to establish a harmonious relationship in a different way, you can also try it, but it is definitely not tearing face recklessly in the face of conflict and going to the opposite side completely.
Conflicts and contradictions can also be reasonably expressed. For example, first talk about your common goals and motives, then express your views, and tell the other party that you are not trying to persuade him, but to discuss whether there is a better way.
I will not expand similar communication skills. Skills can be mastered, but whether it is necessary to make such changes, you need to clarify first.
Besides, you can avoid conflicts and resolve emotions in your own way, which is not everyones skill. You should be happy for yourself!