During this period of time, the child raised the matter again, asked to do a paternity test, said to go to the biological parents. Childrens personality is more sensitive, this period of time depressed, often do not sleep until midnight, looking at the child like this, parents are very anxious.
I discussed with them: we decided to tell her the truth in advance, but we cant grasp how to say it and how to say it. So please give me some guidance
1. Whether she should be told the truth at this time;
2. She wants to know about her parents. What should she say?
3. She is going to see her own parents, how to do better?
We dont know her biological parents, and we dont know their current situation. The original intention of the adoptive parents is not to let her recognize her own parents now. We want to wait for her to go to college and do it according to her own wishes. But what can we do to get rid of the childrens thoughts?
Excuse me, thank you very much! If you are lucky enough to get your guidance, its really a childs fate.
You say this is an urgent matter, but in fact, the children are already 12 years old, and they have not considered how to deal with it in the past 12 years. If one day the child knows how to deal with it, it has suddenly become a so-called urgent matter.
Obviously, you regard child discovery as an unexpected trouble rather than an inevitable fluctuation event in the relationship. I dont think this attitude is correct. Its not how adults explain to her, but how to face her experience with her.
Your question has been asked very specifically, so I will answer my idea directly. But to say a word, there is no standard answer or perfect answer to this question. This is an event that starts from taking care of her and has to be prepared psychologically, which will produce problems.
First of all, it is suggested to tell the truth. The more you hide it, the more likely it is for children to feel ashamed.
She was adopted, which is not a disgrace. She also has the right to know her life experience. The 12-year-old childs mental development has been very high. Telling the truth will cause the least harm. Concealment will make her more angry.
And when you tell the truth, you should apologize to your child. In the past, you lied to her because she was too young to understand and ask for her forgiveness. Secondly, as for the reason why her biological parents didnt want her, it is suggested that you should first ask her whether her biological parents do not want her, and guide her to express her attitude first and see how she understands the matter.
A 12-year-old child, in fact, will give herself an explanation in her heart, such as whether her biological parents cant afford to support her, or whether they cant take their children with them because they have left the local area. You can understand her mentality from her inference about this matter.
If her expression contains such a meaning as the natural parents have difficulties, then you can tell the truth. If her inferences are mostly negative and hateful, you are advised to give vague answers.
It can be said, we dont know much about the specific situation. Some people say that they were not married at that time, some say that their parents did not agree to split them up, and some say that it is because of poor economic conditions. However, no matter what reason, we think the most important thing is to give you a complete family and treat you like your biological parents..
Always remember that one of the purposes of your communication with your child is to make her feel love, not just know the truth. Therefore, we should settle down in the end. You should accept her and love her, whether she is born or not.
Finally, on the matter that the child wants to go to his or her biological parents, it is also suggested that we should not make a statement, let alone obstruct, but show respect for her choice.
If you want to find them, lets discuss how to find them, because we dont have any information about your biological parents, and they will look for them with you..
To understand her life experience and find her parents is the most basic emotional need of human beings. Why should she be depressed?
It may not be the right time for you, but when is the right time?
No matter how old you are, you have to know who you are before you know where you are going. Compared with the harm caused by knowing the truth, it makes her stay in doubt and perplexity all the time. On the contrary, there is more trauma hidden in her.