The first marriage has been betrayed, but the second marriage Ive done the same way as my ex husband: you need this ability to manage a marriage

category:Lady
 The first marriage has been betrayed, but the second marriage Ive done the same way as my ex husband: you need this ability to manage a marriage


Most divorced women have a lot of concerns, afraid to jump from one pit to another, and they cant afford it.

The decision to remarry is just the beginning.

People who cant swim have the courage to jump into the water, drown again or struggle to learn to swim.

As Tang Yifei said: because Ling Xiaosu was hurt by the previous marriage, the first six years of getting along were very tired.

At first, even the wedding dress was bought by herself.

So, what is the real life of second marriage? What are the difficulties of second marriage?

01

After being betrayed, I also cheated

Ms. Wang, 31, remarried for one year.

Ive been with my ex husband since I was 20, and I love him very much.

Four years in love, he took me as a princess.

Unexpectedly, in my fourth year of marriage, after I was pregnant with a child, he had an affair.

That day I was watching a movie with his iPad, and he was sitting next to me playing with his mobile phone.

A light words, completely destroyed my trust in him.

Although he tried his best to save it, whenever I watched him courteously, I couldnt help thinking that he was with another woman.

I no longer extravagant feelings, remarriage, just parents urged marriage after the broken choice.

The current character is dull, honest and kind, but I can no longer trust anyone.

Every night he took a bath, I would secretly check his cell phone chat records.

Ill install tracking software in his car and remember the angle of the co drivers seat carefully.

So, when my friends got together and was pursued by a sunny boy, I cheated.

I think I was saved.

Some people continue to give in the relationship and put on a mask to play the role of a good person.

Some people turn marriage into a symbol to maintain a decent life.

When each other has nothing to say, the heart gradually cool, lonely as if has died.

Some people hate themselves and their lives.

When there is no escape, use derailment to stay away from the full of defects of their own.

A man with a mask will not change his life if he does not take off his mask.

Those who dislike themselves will hate themselves even more if they dont take a good look at themselves.

People can not always cheat themselves, we will always face the reality one day and find that only ourselves can redeem ourselves.

02

Remarriage, not heart to heart

Ms. Chen, 45, remarried for three years.

My husband and I are married two times.

On a blind date, he said, Ill be more direct. Im just my parents who have been urging me. If you think its possible to meet this time, I hope to get married as soon as possible.

You see, its just for living.

Each of us had children in the last marriage. My ex husband took it with me, and his ex-wife took it with him.

On a blind date, we agreed that we could go to see our children on Sunday.

Its the same with money. You can use it for yourself. Dont bother anyone.

As for parents, they also have to make a show on holidays. This time, they come back to my home to see the elderly, and next time they will go back to his home.

Although occasionally feel lonely, but marriage, make do with, a lifetime also passed.

Until my mother got sick, needed money, needed people to take care of them in the hospital all the time.

I was still stubborn and did not speak to him. I dont say, and hes happy not to mention it.

One night at 11 oclock, I came home and there was a note in the sink: its your turn to do the dishes today. Dont forget, there will be cockroaches.

At that moment, I really cant think what this marriage is for.

He didnt have a snack for me.

I didnt use a cent of him.

I like Yang Lans words very much

Love and righteousness of marriage, like an umbrella, let us shelter from the wind and rain.

The heartless marriage, not only leaks the wind and rain, but also may be poured cold water by the other party.

When you have a home, you know who to share with when you have difficulties and happiness, and who to look for this comfort with. With a home and you are settled, you will have a stronger and greater space to face your career.

I think thats what marriage is all about.

03

Remarriage is the necessary stage of marriage

Some people say: married to the right person, really different.

Maybe, in the marriage, some ridges have to bite their teeth.

When I was young, I always yearned for the vigorous love.

I like to drink red wine. He always carefully selects red wine and makes dishes. There is a wall full of drinking bottles in the house.

When I found that time was filled with children and housework, we had not gone out for a long time, and no two people had a good chat. I felt very lonely.

I cant stand this kind of plain loneliness, stumbling and quarreling for a whole year before I got divorced.

He seldom read books. He didnt bother to pick up the books I bought for him.

He doesnt like red wine. Beer and white wine are all in his house.

He didnt like to travel. He would rather stay at home and lie down than move his butt.

Second marriage, what has changed?

It is true that most of the time life is as plain as water, just like I cant always sit on the roller coaster and live with passion forever.

When I am no longer so lively, I feel that the current body of fireworks let me very down-to-earth.

Whether it is sweet love, or light as water feelings, in fact, each has its own taste.

Ones needs will not be the same.

For example, in the early days of marriage, its better to have less responsibility and live a sweet two person world.

At that time, what was needed was passion and sweetness.

As time goes by, while taking the blame on work, we have to take care of children and the elderly, not to mention housing and car loans and other life pressures.

At this time, what is often needed is intimacy, company and commitment.

As needs change, so does the pattern of getting along.

In other words, the two need to build new connections and explore new ways to work together.

The ability to reestablish connections is an essential ability to manage a marriage.

As Harvard professor Robert Kegan said:

If you get married, you will all remarry several times, either with the same person or with different people.