But Xiaochang endure again and again, but recently cant bear it, because her husband actually started to her mother.
Xiaochang is registered in Beijing and has a doctors degree.
At that time, Xiao Chang thought: bear with ones patience, the life should lead, perhaps had the child, the man can have some sense of responsibility.
But only three months after she was pregnant, her husband filed for a divorce.
She thought: endure a long time, the other side will probably read their own good.
This forbearance, her husband is not cold and violent, when she does not exist, on the contrary, she smashes things at home.
Until the child was born for half a year, Xiaochangs mother came to take care of her, and said casually: you also look at the child, dont go home every day to play games.
It is said that marriage is tolerance. If you tolerate the past, you will be happy. If you cant bear it, you will get a divorce. Why is it that some people get more patience?
Because effective tolerance refers to tolerance, not patience.
Are you the same as Xiaochang?
Clearly hope that the other party can help, but dare not say their own needs, expect the other party to take the initiative to understand; clearly the relationship has been bad, can not bear, but fantasized to endure the past, the future will be good; clearly the other party has stepped on their own bottom line, but still retreat, until they lost themselves.
In fact, there is a kind of disadvantaged groups in marriage because they kill themselves first.
In response to Mencius words: people will insult themselves, and then people will insult them.
Do you remember Lin Zhiyings first love ye Yunyi?
When she was 13 years old, she was dug up by a star scout. After making a shampoo advertisement, she was hanging all the way. From Vitasoy to McDonalds, Hong Kong was full of posters.
At the age of 15, he cooperated with famous brands such as Zhong Chuhong and entered the performing arts circle. A year later, the fire spread all over China, Japan and South Korea, collecting thousands of favors in one.
At the age of 22, ye Yunyi married into a rich family.
Cant bear, want to come back, father-in-law ridiculed: our family cant afford that person, how much do you want, Ill give you.
After the divorce, she had to change her name and become a sales girl at the sales office in Shenzhen.
I came out to work when I was too young. I didnt know what I wanted or what I was doing. I didnt understand why so many people liked me. I felt that everything was unrealistic. I wanted to change and live a different life. I wanted to go to school. Finally, I chose to get married.
In the low position, endure a bad relationship, often because they have already lost themselves. The superficial weakness is not terrible, but the inner weakness.
Those vulnerable groups who are used to patience
How did you lose yourself?
1. Silly white sweet
Jiang Shuying once mentioned in the program that her feelings were broken up several times. She was too passive in her feelings and was a failure.
Then found out: the man seems to have a wife.
It was only when they talked about marriage that they remembered how to understand each other. This naive feeling is like an adult, but the heart is like a girl.
They are not up to their role in life and often need another person to help them take control of their lives.
In fact, they are also using their innocence and weakness in exchange for dependence to gain a sense of control over life. In other words, silly white sweet is also more easily manipulated.
How many people make complaints about Wang Yueluns speech in Tucao conference?
But now we can see that in Wang yueluns marriage, he has been putting himself very low.
This is how to discuss problems
His wife calls and calls at any time
Some people always turn on the flattering mode automatically in the relationship.
They repress their aggressiveness to death. Even if they are slapped, their first reaction is to stretch out the other side of the face. But behind the meekness, I dont care.
As Dou Wentao said in the round table school, there is a kind of situation of flattering personality, which represents fatigue in life. One of the characteristics of such an agreeable person is apathy.
For them, the simplest, most convenient and lowest cost way of interpersonal communication is: dont offend you, its better to make you happy, and then go away quickly.
What this kind of vulnerable groups really need is not praise, recognition and love, but a low-level attitude of patience in exchange for a sense of security.
I endure, I flatter, in exchange for a sense of security.
In a relationship, there is a kind of person who is always aggrieved - the victim.
For example, when Zheng Shuang and Zhang Heng went on a variety show, hot searches were all like this: Zheng Shuang coaxed Zhang Heng; Zheng Shuang and Zhang Heng quarreled and cried; Papi sauce talked about Zhang henglengs violence.
On the face of it, the victim is always the one who suffers from losses and injuries, which makes people feel distressed.
But on the other hand, what are the benefits of victims?
First, occupy the moral high ground and get sympathy and support from others.
In a word, its the fault of others if you dont like your life. As long as the other person changes, the relationship will be better.
The people around are worried, but they cant leave. Why?
How did this weak model come from?
Most of the people who use weakness to gain care, control and security have not experienced fully accepted experience in the past.
First of all, what they learn is not equal cooperation, but an opposite relationship model.
For example, parents are sometimes cold and hot. They may have to watch peoples faces when they are young, and they will be scolded if they dont pay attention. This may form a feeling that others are not safe for me and may hurt me at any time.
When they grow up, they always need to make sure whether others like themselves or not.
Second, they may accidentally find that weak is a good tool to use, and then use it repeatedly.
For example, some children can only get the attention of their parents when they are sick and sick. They will find that being strong and excellent is not good. Instead, they will be ignored by their parents, but the weak will be worried and cared for.
Compared with the two, of course, its better to be weak and small. They dont have to make too much effort, but they can also get the emotional support they want.
Finally, a bad relationship is better than no relationship.
I like a sentence in inferiority complex and Transcendence: we live in contact with others. If we choose loneliness, we choose death.
And the biggest heart evil of the weak lies in the fear of being abandoned.
There is a word in Psychology: abandoned child plot.. It means fear of losing the object of attachment, so no matter how bad the object is, you cant leave it.
They have no expectations of a good relationship, so they can only stay in a painful relationship.
However, in strong and weak marriages, there is no winner. Behind the strong and the weak, it is actually dependent.
The weak exchange dependence for security and control, while the strong use dependence to cover up vulnerability. Both sides are just dealing with each others masks.
One day, the strong allow themselves to be vulnerable, the weak dare to express their dissatisfaction, so that they can get close to each other and enter into a real relationship.
If you often feel sad and wronged in a relationship, you feel that others are sorry for yourself; if you think that you are always enduring injuries, you are always the weak side.
You need to think about whether you have turned on the weak mode.
But have you ever thought that the weak you may not be the real you at all, but hide your inner strength. Try to tell the weak self:
Im not a weak person. We all have to pay the price for our choices and take responsibility for our lives..
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