I remember that in the summer vacation, he said he would take my children and me to Shanghai Disneyland. Later, he canceled the trip because of the tension of one of their projects. This time, he secretly arranged everything to give us a surprise? A little sweetness welled up in my heart when I thought of it. My heart is permeated with light joy and expectation, waiting for my lover to return late.
However, what is waiting for is a reply from her husband that he wants to go on a business trip alone, and the scene that her husband leads another strange woman to the ticket gate.
At that moment, my consciousness seemed to leave my body.
I met them in front of the window of the nameless shop near the station. What I hold in my hand is the coffee with suitable temperature and warm mouth, and the marriage that I have been proud of for more than ten years. They have nothing in their hands, only the hands of each other. Among thousands of people, in thousands of years, in the boundless wilderness of time, neither earlier nor later, is this what I am destined to meet?
I cant remember how I spent that weekend. I only remember that my mood is like the southern cold and humid winter. It is cloudy and cold. My heart always hurts. It seems that I need to grasp it and squeeze it hard to clear the pain and trouble inside.
After he came back, I had a showdown with him.
Under my pressure, he finally told the truth. That woman is his subordinate. They have been together for more than half a year. Its true that they go on business. Its true that Disney plays and opens a house for the weekend. Its true that he enjoys this happiness
I want to cry hard, I want to scold him, I even want to beat him up, but I cant do anything except pain. In the past two days, I have rehearsed the scene of exposing the truth many times. But why, when I heard what he said, there was still tearing and pain like burning inside?
Finally, I could only shake my lips and ask him, you are all true. What about us? Is it true that we have been together for more than ten years, our marriage, our children, our home
He was silent, a head, deep down to the chest, for a long time silent. I even suspect that he just sat on the sofa and fell asleep.
Next, our marriage, our relationship, began to stage the same story of all the cheating dog blood drama. I forced him to come back. He compromised and agreed to come back. I seized the victory and pursued him. He left again. I forced him to compromise again And then open a new cycle.
Until half a year later, he told me on wechat: Im tired, lets divide it. Then he moved out of our house and never came back.
His words and his departure became the last straw that crushed me. I have no strength any more. When I am alone, I am anxious and depressed; when I am two, I am out of control, angry, aggrieved, and even mad; I try to keep up the illusion of happiness and harmony in the crowd Half a year of pain and suffering so that I have a hundred physical conditions, I fainted in the post, was sent to the hospital by colleagues, I was hospitalized.
When I was hospitalized, I thought, I cant do this anymore. I have to change, or I will really be destroyed. But what can I do? I began to fall into another kind of madness, like a headless fly, looking for ways to save myself. I found a variety of emotional recovery agencies, they charged me a lot of money, gave me a very heavy commitment, said that will be able to restore my husbands heart.
But in fact, they just pushed my frustrated heart to the peak of hope, and then let me fall back to the abyss of disappointment. I went to find Mr. Feng Shui. The fortune teller looked at my chart and said, at 35 years old, you have this disaster. After this robbery, your life will be better??
Of course, I know that I have this robbery, but who can tell me, how should I survive this robbery?
When I was in despair, I met Xingzhi, and in doubt, I joined the emotional Escort Group.
To me, accepting the emotional care of counselors and caregivers is actually just a dead horse as a living horse doctor. It is only the last straw that I caught. I cant sink here, I want to make one last effort for myself.
Not long after entering the escort, I gradually found a lot of differences. I slowly believe that there are such two people in this world. They are willing to spend a month of their life with me in this small cyberspace composed of me. They are willing to spend energy with me, take care of me, guide me, and tell me how I should live next.
My trust and recognition of Xingzhis escort started with the first consultation between the consultant and me. Up to now, I still remember the scene of the first consultation with the teacher. I poured out my grievances, anger and unwillingness to my hearts content. In front of a stranger, I put down my defense completely and cried bitterly.
After the initial consultation, I entered my own emotional care group. My emotional caregiver is also an independent psychological counselor. Unlike a counselor, the caregivers help to me is to refine and implement our small goals, so that those seemingly executable goals can be truly operational.
My whole body and mind was immersed in this gentle, holding environment. All the anger, resentment and discontent that have been accumulated in my heart can be vented here. Our escort space seems to be a tree hole for me, a safe harbor for me, and a gas station for me.
Im crazy about that feeling. I thought that they, my counselors and caregivers, would always indulge me. However, I think more. After accepting all my negative emotions at the early stage of accompany and letting me vent freely, our escort went into a deeper exploration. We discussed and worked out a plan for my self growth and marriage restoration, and strictly implemented it.
After the escort plan was established, I didnt have a good life.
Teachers check my homework in the Escort Group every day. For example, do I exercise, meditate and do things that make me happy according to the plan of the day; whether I reflect on the effectiveness of every communication between myself and other people; whether I adjust the communication mode with my husband; for example, what is my feeling at certain moments? If I were given another chance, how would I do it?
The experience of accompanying, there are both internal exploration and external attempt. What a novelty! These things I do, trivial and painful, but painful and happy, that happiness is after the growth of the soul and joy.
In the third week, under the guidance of teachers, my husband and I had a face-to-face and frank communication. For the first time, I was calm, patient and did not evaluate and complain. I listened to him tell his own mental journey. For the first time, I really saw his tears, his pain, his swing, helplessness and fear.
Once again, it is painful to hear my beloved husband, the father of my children, tell me about his adultery, but I also have novelty and satisfaction in my heart: how long ago has it been since I had such a deep, non censured talk with him?
At the end of the conversation, he came to me and hugged me deeply. I enjoyed his embrace quietly, felt his temperature and listened to his heart beating.
After this conversation, he left home again, and my heart was in pain again. I was honest with my teachers in the Escort Group. The teachers listened to my feelings and said to me: its like sowing a seed, we should give it time to germinate.
Even so, I still feel uneasy when my husband leaves home again. Fortunately, with the help of counselors and caregivers in the Escort Group, I felt a little more determined in my panic. I believe that I can create for myself every present I can feel, down-to-earth joy.
When I was more and more immersed in the joy of self-sufficiency, my husband, who had been away for two months, finally went home on the fifth day after our in-depth conversation.
Wife, I feel so tired. Let me have a rest. He hugged me, his forehead, against my neck socket, my body suddenly tense up, he felt my tension, his hand caressed my back, this familiar feeling instantly let me mixed feelings, my tears came again.
Later, I discussed with counselors and caregivers in the escort space. What kind of situation is this? The teachers began to inspire me to see the changes that are happening at this moment: the changes in our relationship, the changes in me, the changes in my husband, and how these changes come about. Under the guidance of the teacher, I jumped out of the present situation and looked back on my marriage. It was like a flash in the pan. For a long time, I thought the wrong person was him. I measured him by my perfect standard, but found that in fact, it was not in line with the way of getting along with husband and wife in marriage.
Commitment, intimacy and passion; family, friends and lovers. These roles are intertwined in intimate relationship. Two unrelated people form a pair of partners. On the stage of family, you go forward and I retreat, and dance together. Our goal is to achieve harmony and win-win results.
All along, I always feel that I have paid a lot in this relationship, so I ask for more, and gradually put myself on the commanding height of morality. Under such heavy pressure, its strange that Mr. Zhang doesnt run away.
Fortunately, through emotional care, I stopped criticizing and demanding my husband. I began to think about how to satisfy myself and how to make myself better. Our relationship changed accordingly.
To understand these, I know that this time, my marriage and I are really alive.
Now its summer again, after my husbands cheating and returning. Of course, my husband and I did not have the marriage relationship as described in the fairy tale. They lived a happy life from then on. This year, our relationship has still experienced twists and turns, and we have also experienced retrogression and struggle. Fortunately, we have the same direction. In this struggle and pain, what supported me was the empathy, holding, reflection, guidance and growth I got every day and every moment of that months accompanying.
If you are still stuck in your own circle and dont know where to break through, you might as well come here to try emotional care. In this small community of three people, there are the acceptance and seeing that you are eager to achieve, the guidance and methods you hope to get, and the growth and transformation you never thought of.
I hope every friend who has experienced painful struggle can find the best self and the most beautiful future in the accompany.
Im pan Xingzhi, your close emotional counselor. If you need professional help, send me a private message. Fortunately, I will help you through the emotional crisis