This morning, the boss in the recording also made a reply: if he scolded the companys employees because he was out of control during the meeting, he apologized and admitted that he was the middle-aged male boss of PUA in the workplace! But he made it clear that he would not apologize to yamy and accused her of deliberately recording clips in order to terminate the contract.
Today, Id like to discuss with you why PUA is so common in the workplace?
Moreover, in the workplace, we may not all meet the bullying of boss yamy who insults openly. However, there is a more invisible and more common workplace control than this one. Its harm is also terrible, that is passive attack.
PUA in the workplace
First of all, lets review the concept of PUA. Its full name is pick up artist. Its Chinese translation is chat up artist / brainwash the opposite sex, which is originally a kind of chat up technology originated from the United States.
Later, it was used by people with ulterior motives, and became a means of mental control of the party to be imposed through a series of means, such as psychological hint, brainwashing, threat, etc., to deceive feelings, bodies and even control the other partys thoughts and life.
The workplace PUA experienced by yamy and many netizens shows that the boss / boss brainwashes and controls you for a long time, but constantly ridicules, suppresses, denies and criticizes you with the slogan of for you, so as to achieve the ultimate goal of making you self doubt, lose yourself and be completely controlled.
Yamy mentioned in her microblog that the leaders had different attitudes towards her repeatedly:
In the end, yamy finally began to be submissive and afraid of even mentioning a demand in the long-term suppression and questioning.
In the final analysis, it is an emotional bullying behavior, and the ultimate goal is to make the other party absolutely obey.
But you may not have thought that PUA is just the tip of the iceberg for some more secretive, hard to detect behaviors that can affect the control of the other persons emotions and thoughts, such as passive aggressive personality and corresponding behaviors.
This kind of passive attack from others is covert and can continuously output damage. Whats more, it may have been tolerated and accepted by you, even considered normal.
This kind of invisible attack is very common in the workplace, but it will cause great trouble. We may have encountered it, but we dont know it. Even if we find out, we may not have the courage to expose it like yamy and get a lot of attention.
Whats worse than PUA is
Invisible attackers in the workplace
What is stealth attack?
Scott weitzler, a senior clinical psychologist, mentioned in the book watch out for invisible attackers around you: invisible attack is also known as passive attack.
A simple explanation is that a person uses a negative, bad, covert way to vent his emotions, in order to attack people and things that make him dissatisfied.
It is not a direct way of attack, such as blame, complaint, anger, or even physical attack. It is more of some covert behavior, but it is often used in daily life and workplace, such as deliberate procrastination, cold violence, deliberate suppression, contempt, indifference, irresponsibility, non-compliance with promises, and sabotage in secret.
Different from PUA, it is not a skill that can be learned actively, but a personality disorder formed by various factors, that is to say, these people have some psychological problems.
Passive aggressive person is a good at using intrigue to control others in the workplace.
In Shakespeares play Othello, Iago, the enemy of Othello, is such a schemer that he controls the people around him unconsciously. He is a very controlling, selfish and cold man.
Stills of Othello
Hes like Iago, who manipulates people behind the scenes, and makes you fall into a set trap. Even if you see the trap, because of various reasons trapped, it seems that there is no way to avoid.
You will be very upset: why did I do this? How could I get into this dilemma? Why would I work for him at my own expense?
How to judge whether they are attacked by the workplace or normal work opinions? A simple way: to see whether its right for people or things or not for people. (both the controller and the attacker are targeting people.)
Passive aggression can be seen everywhere in your daily work, and you must be familiar with it. The following signals can detect whether you are being manipulated by your superiors or leaders. (you should be very careful when you step on two bars ~)
1. Your leaders always evaluate your performance, mostly criticism
3. You feel that no matter what you do, you cant satisfy the leader
You used to think you could do the job, but now you dont think so
5. You are always asking your colleagues for their opinions and want to know if they are in line with you
7. When you review your conversation with your leader, you are not sure who is right and who is wrong
8. When you review your conversation with your leader, you dont remember what he said, but you feel hurt
Invisible attacks in the workplace
How to attack?
Invisible attacks in the workplace not only come from the boss or leader like yamy, but also exist in colleagues and partners. No matter whether your role is a manager or an ordinary employee, you will not be immune.
Passive attackers often have a strong sense of self-protection, they will constantly invent excuses to avoid their own responsibility, and often put the reasons on others. For example, it is clearly their own problem, but it can be said that it is someone elses.
Passive non resistance and control of others are the main characteristics, have a strong desire to control.
He will focus on areas of tension, and then exacerbate tensions, such as fuelling power struggles, creating gridlock, triggering strife, but not solving problems.
Passive aggressive person is a self-centered person. He is eager to become an important person and be sought after by others. Therefore, he often makes insulting words and actions.
There is also a kind of insulting behavior, which is not easy to detect, but also very uncomfortable.
For example, when an appointment is made, some leaders / partners will continue to interrupt the meeting on the ground of dealing with important matters. This kind of interference is actually to remind the other party that I have other important things to deal with. The subtext is I am a man of every day and I am still taking time to have a meeting with you. You should be grateful.
The passive attacker also has an essential skill - throwing the pot and taking credit. He will cheat his colleagues or subordinates to carry the pot for him.
The invisible attack in the workplace is typical of boiling frogs in warm water and cutting meat with blunt knives. We can feel it more or less, but we often dont know how to deal with it.
In the book watch out for the invisible attackers around you, the author also offers several ways to deal with it.
1. Set limits
You have to be the one to reset boundaries and boundaries. This is the basis for clear, frank and open communication.
To face the obvious lies of the other party, confront him. If the other party asks for ambiguity, confirm it repeatedly.
Let him know the scope of your tolerance, what you can accept and what you cant. In this way, you can have more control, not be used.
2. Act decisively
Separate what youre trying to do from his, especially when it comes to promotion, and try to minimize the damage and influence from him.
If you have to cooperate, dont be silly to help him solve problems and carry on his back. Keep a careful record of what youve done and report on your progress at any time. Send memos daily if necessary.
In short, do not let him interfere with your work efficiency or affect the normal working environment.
3. Cultivate courage
When you find that the other side starts to cross the line and push forward, dont give in. Forbearance will only continue to fuel the other partys anger.
I cant. Its better to go.
This book of psychology will allow us to:
Find out the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of passive attackers, and the corresponding reasons
Explain why people have different feelings about passive attackers