In 2019, a total of 9.471 million couples were registered for marriage and 4.154 million couples were registered for divorce.
Nearly half of the couples who choose to divorce are astonishing.
Looking over the past records, we can find that the divorce rate has been rising every year in the past 15 years.
Once upon a time, marriage was a major event in life and a guarantee of stability in life. However, I dont know when everything has a deadline - time will change, people will change, and marriage will also change.
A lasting and happy marriage is more and more precious in this era.
People always say that marriage is a besieged city, people outside the city want to come in, people in the city want to go out.
But the scenery in the besieged city is not the same. Some are dilapidated and lifeless; some are luxuriant and full of spring scenery; surrounded by the same wall, there are two different kinds of life.
So, what is holding the marriage and what is breaking it up?
A good marriage always has something to say
The trilogy of love before dawn, love before sunset, and love before midnight, which is regarded as the love Bible, is full of male and female protagonists chatting.
An American young man ran into a Paris girl on the train, and they chatted very opportunely. Nine years later, they met again, and they spent a whole day chatting while walking. Nine years later, they already had twin daughters, but they still had a lot to say.
At the bottom of the movie, there is a 2000 plus comment: weve been married for nearly 10 years, and we still have so much to say. This is not what true love is!
Yes, in marriage for so many years, apart from the trivial and family background, we can talk about our hearts and lives, look into each others eyes, listen to each others feelings, and really cant find any other reason except true love.
Some scientific studies say that hormones last only two years. In the past two years, including the trial and break in during their love, when they really get married, the hormones are not enough.
More and more stable feelings of the two people, began to form a silent tacit understanding - all the words should be said, do not have to worry about communication. Busy, has become the most commonly used excuse, always thinking about these words tomorrow, the same, dragging, two peoples common topic less and less.
Joys and sorrows cannot be interlinked, and joys cannot be integrated. From thousands of words in love to three words after marriage, husband and wife finally become neighbors.
In the movie no questions about the west east, Xu BoChangs wife Liu Shufen is always abusive to him. She is a shrew. However, what outsiders dont know is that Liu Shufen is the victim of domestic cold violence when the door is closed.
Xu BoChang can be kind to his students, friendly to his colleagues and chatting with his neighbors, but when he comes home, he is as cold as a stone.
He distinguishes everything in the house clearly. He is his and hers is hers. Liu Shufen broke his glass. He would rather drink from his rice bowl than his wife.
Liu Shufen cant bear to be tortured and screams hysterically to Xu BoChang
Outsiders only see how I beat you and scold you, but they dont know how you hit me. You hit me with your attitude. You make me feel like Im the worst person in the world.
Xu Bo often answered her, but he still said coldly, do you still live with me?
The marriage ended in Liu Shufens suicide by jumping into a well. Although this time, Xu often rushed to the well and cried out Shufen, she could not hear it again.
Its not terrible to be alone all the time. Whats terrible is to end up with someone who makes you feel lonely.
When men and women first meet, they often have endless words to say. The so-called love, love is really in a word out.
Two lonely hearts finally meet, eager to deliver their own past to each other, wish to stick together every day, look at the snow, see the stars, see the moon, and talk about the philosophy of life from poetry and ode. Heaven made a pair of Bi Ren, as if in a transparent soap bubble in love.
But the soap bubble will eventually fall to the ground and burst that day, when it bumps into the pots and pans of marriage, firewood, rice, oil and salt, suddenly fall into the real life of the two people, can not help but be disheartened.
A good marriage means that two people try their best to keep the dialogue going. They have to say something all their life and have a chat all their life.
No one is immutable, and the two people in the marriage are growing. At this time, only communication can let us feel the changes of each other in time and understand each others intentions.
Each word will connect the hearts of the two people more closely.
Please believe in the ceremony
Lu Xun once wrote in the article: the most tormenting thing in marriage is not conflict, but boredom.
Many people will say: old husband and wife, what festival, what gift to give, children are in junior high school, the whole of those empty head eight brain why.
However, the sense of ceremony is not only in festivals and anniversaries. The real sense of ceremony is reflected in the daily life of people.
As Tang Wei said in Beijing meets Seattle:
Hes the best man in the world, and he may not take me on a yacht or French food. But he can run a few blocks for me every morning to buy my favorite soybean milk fried dough sticks
Ritual sense is not a matter of high money, but a sincere mind.
There is a topic on the microblog -- love map in old age. It is only after clicking on it that the secret of keeping marriage fresh in the long years is the ritual sense embellished in daily life.
The love between grandfathers and grandmothers doesnt have to transfer 520 every new year. Its just that every time my grandfather goes to pick up grandma, he will bring a bunch of flowers, a hug, and a pair of eyes that will always be warm.
Grandma loves beauty very much. She cant walk when she sees the hairpin on the wall. Her grandfather tries it on carefully after her.
Dolls in shopping malls are not exclusive to young people. Grandma has a girls heart, also want plush dolls, so my grandfather accidentally discovered his talent for dolls, and finally returned with a full load.
During the outbreak, Mrs. Huang, 84, was unable to visit her 90 year old wife in the ICU. Every afternoon, Granny Huang would write a love letter and send it to grandson. After reading it carefully, he would put it away and hold it in his hand.
Seeing this, I cant help but wonder: in the decades of interaction between these grandparents, there is really no time for boredom, irritability, chicken feathers and even frustration?
It must not be.
Every marriage has the risk of being obscured by the trivialities of life. However, it is the sense of ceremony that enables us to find each others beauty in the busy and realize the beauty of love in the plain.
There is no need to be grand, no need to be bright, just need a little more attention in daily life, you can plating a layer of long-term preservative for marriage. In those discord trivial time, gives us the strength to go on.
The most moving part of love is not the sweet words and vows of love when young men and girls are in love; it is that when we have passed half a life, you are still by my side, with the same eyes as before, and never tired of seeing each other.
A good marriage is to appreciate each other
It is often said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but if she does not meet a person who is willing to appreciate her, she is just an ordinary woman.
Can stay together for a lifetime, often is that you think TA how to look good person. And most of the contradictions and problems in marriage also come from the disapproval of the other half, so we cant see the shining point on each other.
Psychologist William James said that the deepest human need is to feel appreciated.
Being loved and cared for can really make people feel happy, while being appreciated can make people really feel their own value.
Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu have been with each other for 63 years, which is how they always look at each other with appreciation.
Qian Zhongshus friends evaluation of his appearance is well-known as simple, but Yang Jiang thinks that his eyebrows are beautiful and deep.
Qian Zhongshu is stubborn, frank and straightforward, and knows nothing about the trivial matters of life; Yang Jiang, who is gentle and calm, never gets angry, but thinks he is clumsy and lovely.
In Qian Zhongshus eyes, Yang Jiang is the most perfect existence. Many years ago, Qian Zhongshu gave her the highest evaluation: the most virtuous wife, the most talented woman..
Qian Zhongshu, who has always been a spiteful talker, never spared no effort in praising his wife. He said frankly that she has combined three incompatible things: wife, lover and friend.
Appreciate each other, and each wonderful, this is probably the best marriage.
Recently, I saw a love letter from Hong Kong actor Luo Jiaying to his wife Wang Mingquan at the age of 71.
In his letter, he confessed affectionately:
Few people will appreciate me before I am with you, but you know how to appreciate me. Especially when I put on my make-up on the stage of Cantonese Opera and perform, your recognition of me gives me great confidence. We have been in love for 21 years and married at 60 years old. It doesnt matter for me to be a little later, as long as there is a good ending.
Moving love long-distance running, the reason why we can adhere to it lies in the unswerving appreciation behind it. It is this appreciation that opens a window to this relationship.
To me, love is not the skins kinship, not one vegetable and one meal. It is an immortal desire and a heros dream in a tired life.
Since we combine because of love, we have the responsibility to protect this love and let it exist for a long time.
Dont let love, the fresh berry that once grew on the tree, become the food stored in the refrigerator. If you take it out, you can eat it, but you will lose the fresh taste forever.
Tian Fuzhen sings in the song:
People naturally forget who is guarding the place in the wind and rain.
In the long years, we are always easily eroded by the small things, patience, enthusiasm, used to each others pay, and forget the commitment to start holding hands.
Love needs to be firmly adhered to; marriage needs to be managed with heart.