However, we didnt. soon after we were together, we became lazy. Now I still do the things I used to do, but I wont do them together, or Ill urge him to do them. Ill fight over some details.
When you are single, you will think about what you want to do and learn every week, which is very substantial.
But what I has the final say is that I dont know what to do every week after I meet him. I think he has joined the game. I have variable factors in my life. I must take him into account, and I am not feeling the same as a person.
I also know that some freedom will inevitably be sacrificed if I have ownership. However, I dont know how to return to the state of my single life, which is positive and planned, rather than full of anxiety.
In a word, two people who lived a regular life when they were single became irregular after they were together. They loved each other but did not dare to get close to each other.
Please give me some advice. Am I too impatient? Maybe the Buddha is a little bit more willing to do it? Dont want to think he doesnt exist? In any case, before a person is also to do everything on their own, making plans also according to a persons plan.
Cold love reply:
This story is divided into two chapters
Why do two people have so-called bickering and conflict when they are together? Why dont you know what to do every week? What to learn? There are also some contradictions in the law of life?
Because, this is a stage that two single people must go through to a stable relationship.
This stage is called running in period.
For this new family, we need to create some rules that are different from our original family, our original growing environment, and our single life.
In frank communication, there are two kinds of things we should pay attention to:
1) When communicating, establish a principle: at the operational level, do not make personal attacks, do not question other peoples motives, and do not go beyond the scope of the discussion.
Remember these three specific operation methods, will not let the meeting become a disaster.
Here, it is particularly important to emphasize [dont question motivation].
There are a lot of people who tend to question the motives of others when communicating with them.
Questioning motivation is one of the most fatal problems. Because the other party can not prove his motivation in communication, he will inevitably enter into an endless circle of communication and finally collapse.
We have an idiom called the theory of killing the heart, which means questioning the motive of the other party, which is a great blow to a person.
2) Make a list and divide responsibilities.
When you are at home alone, you cant expect others to do the dishes after dinner?
Its not called self-discipline, its what you have to do..
When two people are together, it becomes a problem who does the dishes.
Things like this washing up can be everywhere.
Under such circumstances, it is necessary to list out the daily life, clothing, food, housing and transportation, study, work and life, etc. of all the daily life in the family.
You will find that this list is not too many, it is nothing but littering, cooking, washing dishes, cleaning up and so on.
Two people willingly claim these limited things, and then go according to their own rules.
Remember, we must not make the rules unclear. We must clearly divide the responsibilities of both sides.
Who claims, who is responsible, not jointly responsible, even if the garbage is a person responsible.
When two people can both, in fact, no one can.
Just like that old story, one monk has water to drink, two monks carry water to drink, but more monks have problems together, because no one is willing to carry water.
This is a high degree of involution.
(involution: refers to the phenomenon that a social or cultural model will be stagnant or unable to be transformed into another advanced mode after reaching a certain form at a certain stage of development)
For example, two people can work hard to make money and ask one person to do housework to create a better living environment.
Only if we have developmental thinking and vision can we get a higher level of results.
Besides, when I read this story, I have a feeling that this girl is approaching the truth of something.
No matter which part of the above is, it is a challenge for a person to face after entering the running in period. Only by recognizing what the real challenge in the relationship is, can we make improvement at the operational level.
The above question and answer today is in response to what some students have said in the comments area in the past two weeks. We hope that we can give some operational suggestions as much as possible, not just talking about relationship, not just staying at the level of Tao, hoping to give more guidance to you at the level of specific operation technique.
If you need such a specific operation method, please tell us in the comments area, so that we can know what you want.
In addition, I also want to respond to another thing. Some students said that they hoped that our creation would return to the style of the past.
Ive been doing this part in the past, and I still think Im doing it today.
Just to say, when we develop to a certain stage, we will look at a problem from a multi-dimensional perspective.
I dont want to label things so rudely and simply.
Our creation should be guided by real problem solving.
I hope that through our multi-dimensional anatomy and all-round thinking, we can find problems, really act, change ourselves and strive for a better life.
For this part, if you want to communicate with me, also write in the comments.
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