However, we didnt. soon after we were together, we became lazy. Now I still do the things I used to do, but I wont do them together, or Ill urge him to do them. Ill fight over some details.
When you are single, you will think about what you want to do and learn every week, which is very substantial.
But what I has the final say is that I dont know what to do every week after I meet him. I think he has joined the game. I have variable factors in my life. I must take him into account, and I am not feeling the same as a person.
I also know that some freedom will inevitably be sacrificed if I have ownership. However, I dont know how to return to the state of my single life, which is positive and planned, rather than full of anxiety.
In a word, two people who lived a regular life when they were single became irregular after they were together. They loved each other but did not dare to get close to each other.
Please give me some advice. Am I too impatient? Maybe the Buddha is a little bit more willing to do it? Dont want to think he doesnt exist? In any case, before a person is also to do everything on their own, making plans also according to a persons plan.
This story is divided into two chapters
Why do two people have so-called bickering and conflict when they are together? Why dont you know what to do every week? What to learn? There are also some contradictions in the law of life?
This stage is called running in period.
In the running in period, we must not forget an important operation tool called family meeting.
We can think of the relationship as a small new family.
For this new family, we need to create some rules that are different from our original family, our original growing environment, and our single life.
Specific measures: you can choose a time that is not very serious, two people sit down, face-to-face list of problems encountered, and have a frank communication.
In frank communication, there are two kinds of things we should pay attention to:
Remember these three specific operation methods, will not let the meeting become a disaster.
Here, it is particularly important to emphasize [dont question motivation].
There are a lot of people who tend to question the motives of others when communicating with them.
For example, if the other party does not wash the dishes, some people will say, dont you love me anymore? You used to like it, but now you dont.
Questioning motivation is one of the most fatal problems. Because the other party can not prove his motivation in communication, he will inevitably enter into an endless circle of communication and finally collapse.
We have an idiom called the theory of killing the heart, which means questioning the motive of the other party, which is a great blow to a person.
Communication is valuable only when we dont question motivation and discuss everything as it is.
2) Make a list and divide responsibilities.
Why are two self disciplined people not self disciplined when they are together?
Because the so-called self-discipline is pseudo self-discipline.
Its not called self-discipline, its what you have to do..
When two people are together, it becomes a problem who does the dishes.
Make a list of all the things that two people need to face together in life.
You will find that this list is not too many, it is nothing but littering, cooking, washing dishes, cleaning up and so on.
If two people have children in the future, they may add another category.
But when there are only two people, things must be limited.
Who claims, who is responsible, not jointly responsible, even if the garbage is a person responsible.
Just like that old story, one monk has water to drink, two monks carry water to drink, but more monks have problems together, because no one is willing to carry water.
The relationship between the couple is still in the stage of survival, development and comprehension.
It is obvious that no one in this relationship is willing to do anything for this relationship. In fact, both of them are concerned about whether they will lose something if they do something in this relationship.
(involution: refers to the phenomenon that a social or cultural model will be stagnant or unable to be transformed into another advanced mode after reaching a certain form at a certain stage of development)
Generally speaking, a cake is only so big, but two people are grabbing the cake to eat, instead of two people working together, developing together and making the cake bigger.
For example, two people can work hard to make money and ask one person to do housework to create a better living environment.
Only if we have developmental thinking and vision can we get a higher level of results.
The truth is: it seems that the woman who originally expected to end her single life and start a dreamy love life has failed, which makes her feel a little bit lost. She feels that her single life is more wonderful than the chicken feather in this place.
Even a little closer to another truth is that both parties seem to be entering a process of love, marriage, and birth. A whole set of life, let her have a faint uneasiness.
No matter which part of the above is, it is a challenge for a person to face after entering the running in period. Only by recognizing what the real challenge in the relationship is, can we make improvement at the operational level.
The above question and answer today is in response to what some students have said in the comments area in the past two weeks. We hope that we can give some operational suggestions as much as possible, not just talking about relationship, not just staying at the level of Tao, hoping to give more guidance to you at the level of specific operation technique.
If you need such a specific operation method, please tell us in the comments area, so that we can know what you want.
In addition, I also want to respond to another thing. Some students said that they hoped that our creation would return to the style of the past.
Ive been doing this part in the past, and I still think Im doing it today.
I dont want to label things so rudely and simply.
Lets give a person a comment and say, this is a scum man, the identification is completed. Of course, it is very simple. It can also relieve Qi after reading, but it cant solve the problem.
Our creation should be guided by real problem solving.
For this part, if you want to communicate with me, also write in the comments.
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