This makes a lot of people in the face of feelings, become more insecure.
For example, people who are anxious and ambivalent in attachment relationships are worried about whether their partner will betray themselves one day. Of course, the proportion of women who have such concerns is higher.
In fact, derailment is a very personal thing, it has no inevitable law to follow. Even if men all over the world may cheat, it doesnt mean that the one you love will certainly cheat. Of course, it can also be said on the other hand, even if men all over the world may not cheat, it does not mean that your lover will not cheat.
Theoretical possibilities are always there, so you cant change anything by worrying, or not worrying.
However, through the study of derailment, we can find some predisposing factors. People who have certain cognition and behavior are more likely to cheat in the absence of self-discipline.
1. Separate love from sex
Some men think that love and sex can be separated, love is care and love for a person, while sex is only a physiological need. Therefore, even if you sleep with others, it doesnt mean that you fall in love with others, not to mention that you no longer love your partner.
But in fact, love is not just a feeling, it is a more complex emotional state. According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, love is composed of three components:
Ingredient 1: intimacy, including passion, understanding, communication, support and sharing, are common characteristics of love relationships. Component 2: passion, mainly characterized by sexual arousal and desire. Ingredient 3: loyalty refers to the determination to devote oneself to love and maintain love.
In other words, love includes not only emotional intimacy, but also sex and loyalty. Men who separate love from sex are obviously cutting corners on love and easily turn their marriage into a bean curd project.
Such people tend to compare themselves. They pay too much attention to their own needs and think that satisfying themselves is the most important thing, and they seldom consider what kind of harm it will do to their partners.
Therefore, people who dont think that physical derailment is cheating are not only easy to derail, but also reasonable.
2. Like ambiguity
Contrary to the situation just discussed, this type of people think that physical betrayal is a very serious matter, which is the bottom line of emotion and marriage, so it will not be easily broken through.
This kind of spiritual pure ambiguity always gives people the illusion (or excuse) that they are not cheating, but this is exactly the biggest threat to a marriage. According to a survey, 80% of extramarital affairs begin with just ordinary friends.
Therefore, ambiguity is a kind of chronic poison, which can make people go astray unconsciously.
In fact, physical infidelity is only a minimum requirement for intimate relationship, which is absolutely not allowed for two people in the relationship. However, it is not enough to do this. Spiritual loyalty is also very important.
3. There is no sense of boundary when dealing with the opposite sex
When we get along with friends, most of the time, we pay more attention to such positive interactions as enthusiasm, friendliness and helpfulness, and seldom think about the issue of boundary awareness.
This leads to a lot of people, especially those who like to pay, when they get along with the opposite sex, they will be good to everyone.
For example, no matter whether it is a friend or a colleague, as long as someone asks for help, they will immediately come forward to help. They are really nice to their girlfriends or partners, but this kind of kindness is not unique and exclusive, because they are also good to other heterosexual friends.
This kind of central air-conditioning people will not only hurt their partners feelings, but also easily cause other heterosexual friends to misunderstand, for example, mistakenly think that they have a good feeling for themselves.
In addition, people with this kind of personality do not know how to refuse others. Therefore, once other members of the opposite sex attack themselves, it is difficult for them to express their refusal clearly, and this vague attitude is easy to give wrong hints to others.
In this case, it is easy to lead to derailment.
Therefore, it is very important to keep a clear sense of boundaries when dealing with the opposite sex. The so-called boundary consciousness means that you clearly understand what is intimate relationship and what is common relationship. In addition to the necessary help, it also needs enough restraint when dealing with the opposite sex other than the lover.
Close but keep a distance, is the more appropriate way to get along.
The situations we discussed above do not necessarily lead to infidelity, but they do put a persons feelings at greater risk, so it is worth our vigilance in life. Finally, cheating is playing with fire.
In fact, its very simple, just dont play it. Those who have long-term feelings are not necessarily able to resist temptation, but they must be those who understand how to stay away from temptation.