21 days after her disappearance, the truth of the lost wife finally came.
At 10 a.m. yesterday, Hangzhou police gave heartbreaking newsu2014u2014
Ms. Lai, the missing woman in Hangzhou, is confirmed to be killed, and the murderer is her husband Xu.
The husband, who was with his wife day and night, said, when I get up, people are gone.
It became a complicated case.
Everyone is worried about the safety of the wife, looking forward to her safety, but the result is so cruel.
On July 22, the police investigated the septic tank in the residential area where the victim was located. A total of 38 vehicles of fecal water were collected for flushing and screening. Finally, they grasped the key information and confirmed that Ms. Lai was killed.
After reading the whole report of the case, I was shocked and angry.
I cant bear to imagine how cruel the means of the whole crime process are.
For most women, when we decide to enter a relationship, we expect to create happiness together.
According to the United Nations report, about 87000 women were killed in 2017, 58% of whom died at the hands of their partners or other family members.
Professor Li Meijin told the roundtable that the figure should be 60% in China.
Some time ago, the movie secret corner became popular. Zhang Dongshengs ruthlessness of killing his wife was still fresh in peoples memory. In real life, he often saw news about the wife killing case.
Recently, Wenzhou female entrepreneurs were boxed to death by their boyfriends, one year ago, attempted murder of wives on the cliff in Thailand, and four years ago, the case of murdering wives in freezers in Shanghai
After the Hangzhou womens disappearance case broke out, a blogger named Li Ziyang on Weibo exposed his mothers disappearance without cause.
A series of lost wives were left on the microblog. It was shocking!
His back was cold, and he was afraid of it. At the same time, he had to ask:
Why are women vulnerable to intimacy
There is a program of round table faction which discusses the topic of women being hurt in intimate relationships. It mentions several information points. I think it is very representative to share with you.
First, as we all know, men naturally have an advantage over women in physical strength.
Dou Wentao, the host, said he always felt that any woman was brave, too brave.
In his opinion, men are far greater than women in physical strength. In the face of such a hand may be fatal to a person, even if he is very much in love, traveling alone or living together every day, if he is a woman, he will have a very strong sense of insecurity.
Now looking back on this paragraph, I am really afraid of thinking about it.
The second reason is that it is easier for couples to concentrate social conflicts.
Moreover, many couples are not married out of love, but out of matching conditions. Based on this emotional basis, once conflicts occur, men are more likely to lose control of their emotions and hurt their wives.
The third point is easily overlooked, that is, some men do not respect women, which is related to the family environment.
The program explores a vicious social event, in which a man walks on the street drunk and sees a woman come over and beats him without saying a word.
Guest Li Meijin analyzes the behavior of this man. On the one hand, it may be due to drinking alcohol. In a completely abnormal state, violence was carried out.
On the other hand, the man is very angry at the moment and needs to vent his emotions. In his growing environment, there was a problem of men beating women in their family. He grew up watching this kind of thing.
And such a man, it is likely that at home to his wife is also disrespectful, such as an object, temper up, is able to fight.
In the view of Professor Li Meijin, whether men will solve problems by harming women, in fact, a large part comes from the family environment and family education since childhood.
We have been exploring what kind of education should be given to boys. I think respect for women is perhaps the most important course.
In the program, I shared a case of a father educating a boy. I think its very good. Its a reference for parents
The boy pressed a doll under his leg, and his father said, dont press the baby, it will hurt, it will cry.
The concept of hold down the baby, the baby will cry and ache is implanted into the childs heart, and the child will have empathy for the harm.
A doll cant hurt, let alone a girl?
The boy who has been educated and grown up in this way will not do harm to the girl in the future.
How can women protect themselves in the face of potential danger
Like most women, I feel that such a thing should not happen to us, and we believe that we have a good intimate relationship.
After collecting a large amount of information, we selected such a comprehensive and professional survival manual for love.
Liu Zhao, a graduate of Tsinghua University, is engaged in psychology. He created this manual to help women bypass potential killers..
So, the first step is to bypass the risk factor.
The five dimensions are: extreme degree, empathy ability, narcissism level, support resources and defense mechanism.
In the five dimensions, the more poor and the worse, the greater the probability of causing significant harm to women.
Even if it is not a vicious event like homicide, the probability of threats, threats, harassment, violence, the spread of naked photos, and unit disturbances has also increased significantly.
Among these five factors, the first one to be investigated is the degree of mental extremes, the most important and the easiest to investigate.
The most common manifestations of extremism are mainly two points, one is serious non black or white. Second, it is highly unstable.
Empathy here refers to the ability to perceive (rather than to infer) other peoples emotions, that is, compassion. people who are at heart for the harm they suffer are less likely to have a vicious event.
In the case of missing woman in Hangzhou, I remember one detail: the reporter interviewed the husband of Lai, who calmly said to the camera:
He not only has no remorse for his wife who was killed by him, but also is full of contempt. When he looks at it, it is really creepy.
These details can be seen in the process of getting along with each other.
Narcissism level is also very important, which often determines whether the impulse of Im going to destroy you will occur in the breakup and conflict.
Mature narcissism is characterized by: you and I are equal. We both have strengths and weaknesses. I am a not bad person.
This cognition is clear, consistent with the overall reality, stable and flexible. The closer to the standard, the more mature it is, and the more primitive it is.
Primitive narcissism can be evaluated from two aspects: self centeredness and self exaggeration.
If the level of narcissism is primitive, we should be careful.
Sometimes men with primitive narcissism attract women with low sense of security and extreme fear of separation, because such men will create the illusion of will not leave.
If the above three factors are compared to the accelerator, the two factors of defense mechanism and support resources are brake.
If a cars throttle is too big and the brakes suck, it will be easy to cause an accident.
Everyone has a variety of defense mechanisms to deal with pressure, some low-level, some high-level, in short, the more you are born, the lower you will be, the more mature you will be.
The five most common low-level defenses associated with malignant events: denial, projection, seeing action, fantasy, and regression.
Usually the only way to maturity is to be raised healthily.
If a person uses a large number of low-level defense mechanisms and rarely uses high-level defense mechanisms (such as depression, rationalization, humor, sublimation (turning grief and anger into strength, etc.), the risk factor is high.
Relatives, friends, good organizations with a sense of belonging, cause, interest and belief are all support resources, among which living resources are better than non-human resources.
He is a relatively small probability that he needs to use murder to deal with his internal emotional pressure.
If you are already in an intimate relationship and want to break up with a potential dangerous person, what should be done?
The first and most important one.
Dont blame the other party for being bad, dont try to make the other party admit his mistake, dont prick the weak narcissism of the other party, dont let the other party think its his bad that you left, dont force the other party to the dead end in his heart, correct the mentality: your life is more important than right and wrong.
If you cant get over the why should I coax him? tell yourself, I want to live..
The third, and the second, is that we should never put the accusations that we dont have and the ones that may cause Fantasy (such as Im sorry for you) and then dont let the other party have fantasy space for the compound.
The boundary between fantasy and reality in such people (especially those with high degree of extremism and low level of defense mechanism) is vague. We should keep the boundary and give a clear reply to the other party on the premise of not provoking the other party and calming the other partys emotion.
Fourth, for the low degree of paranoid get along with the object, you can cut off all contact for a period of time, and then deal with it when it is calm.
For paranoid people, we should prepare for a long-term struggle, including changing jobs, cities, names and even friends, and social isolation on the Internet to make it more difficult for them to find you.
Fifth, long-term study and exercise self-defense skills, avoid meeting alone in a closed space, seek the help of the police and professional security personnel when necessary, and do not develop in-depth relations with others too quickly.
I dont think a woman is willing to speculate about her partner like this. We once fell in love and looked forward to the so-called happiness.
Only when we have to, we should also have the ability to do the most realistic response.
The above professional information is from the microblog @ Liu Zhao on the road to write love survival manual, the following is the full version (slide up and down).
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Microblog @ Liu Zhao on the road
Self defense of contemporary women in round table school