One of my best friends, from love, marriage, birth, and finally divorce. In the past nine years, I have experienced it with her.
It suddenly occurred to me that we met for the first time in the university more than ten years ago. We were both the little girls who were looking forward to the marriage life. Now, everyones eyes are less pure and firm in the past.
She wanted me to write her story, and I hope you can get some insights from it. (for the convenience of reading, the following are the first person)
My divorce diary
Day 1 of divorce
I got divorced because my husband couldnt forget her for so many years.
I saw that he gave his first love a 60 second voice, I click open to listen, he sang her, her favorite song.
We asked for leave in the morning, got the divorce certificate, and after that, he drove me to the company. Even when I got out of the car, I forgot that I had divorced. Until the moment I got back to the work station, the memories of nine years flooded in
Day 2 of divorce
Since yesterday, Ive been thinking about why we got here. We are divorced. There is no bloody plot of fighting a third party, but I think the problems and obstacles between us are more difficult to overcome than this.
My husband and his first girlfriend were college classmates. I knew both of them during their two years in love, because the girl and I were roommates in the same bedroom, and we had a good relationship at that time. But as soon as she graduated from college, the girl went abroad to study, and soon found a boyfriend there (now married and settled abroad). My husband was deeply shocked at that time. I reconciled several times in the middle, and comforted him all the time. Once and twice, we were on good terms.
But after I got married, I found that things seemed to be more and more wrong.
Divorce day 5
These days, I think a lot about our marriage, trying to find a way to solve the problem and the way out, but it is still very difficult.
At that time, we had a good relationship when we were in love. At one time, I thought that I had successfully brought him out, and I loved him more and more. He was a gentle, considerate and gentlemanly man.
We are a flash marriage. We have been in love for more than half a year. After I got married, I found out why he had so many shadows of his first girlfriend
For example, I remember that when we were in college, his first girlfriend loved collecting movie posters. No matter in kind or on-line pictures, there was a special album for putting these pictures. My husband also had this habit.
For example, his first girlfriend likes everything with elephant patterns, ranging from cell phone cases, key chains, pillows, and even half meter high ornaments. And my husband, every time he gives me something, will inadvertently give me a gift with elephant elements, and even once I asked him I want to have a tattoo, what kind of design is good? He said, I think its good to have an elephant tattooed.
For example, his first girlfriend likes Japan very much and also likes to listen to Japanese songs. My husband is almost a person who doesnt send out his circle of friends
There are still many things like that.
Sometimes I even regret being a roommate with that girl, otherwise I would not know that my husbands hobbies are the same as hers. If we dont know each other, I just think its my husbands own hobby.
Divorce day 10
In fact, these details have filled my marriage life for 9 years every day. Its not worth fighting. Its not noisy. Its uncomfortable.
But most importantly, I found that he didnt love me very much.
When we were in college, my husband had his first love, which can be said to be a special pet. The girl was more willful, but he just let her go. Whats more, she also showed us some of our roommates chatting records. My husband really confessed to her. However, these have never appeared in our married life
The 20th day of divorce
In the past nine years, our lives have been like a cup of boiled water, and we have no sense of existence. Go to their parents home on New Years day. Gifts and money will be sent to them respectively.
The parents of both sides were very satisfied, and urged us to have children every time; we took regular overseas trips twice a year to take pictures of each other and scenery; we gave gifts to each other on anniversaries, went to the cinema at least once a month, and attended friends weddings and parties with love in hand. Behind the seemingly happy surface, I always felt strangely strange and lost one night.
The 22nd day of divorce
People cant look directly at people. I really believe this sentence. I feel like I can stand it for so many years. But my husbands action has inspired all my grievances and discontent for so many years.
It was my mothers birthday. My husband said that I would take his mobile phone and transfer 1000 yuan red envelope to my mother in the family group. I wish her a happy birthday. I also thought that my mother would praise her good son-in-law again! As a result, I did not know how to follow his wechat chat record down. As a result, I saw a man who used a dog as his head portrait. I recognized that it was his first love dog for many years. (his first love knew that after we got married, I and other people in our dormitory were all blacked out, and then I didnt have her wechat any more.)
Their last message is a 60 second voice from my husband, which should be their love anniversary.
I really didnt dare to read the chat record of the two of them above, because it doesnt matter what they have made. Ive endured it for nine years, and Im fed up with it.
Later, I asked for a divorce. Sure enough, he didnt bother too much, so he agreed.
It turns out that it takes only a few minutes to make a decision to split up after ten years of marriage.
I havent figured out how to start my life again after divorce. I think Id better live alone for a while.
First love is the last thing every man wants to talk about,
But the most unforgettable person?
Some people are only suitable to be a good love object, but others are suitable for marriage.
1. Why am I married to my current partner?
There was a case in which a man and his first love met many years later. He learned that the girls marriage was not happy and had plans to divorce. The man said that he had loved his first love for 10 years, but for various reasons, he could only marry his current wife.
Now see the first love ignite the flame of love again. At first glance, it seems that the infatuated man once again met his true love when he was young, but if you think about it carefully, even if you have ten thousand admiration for your first love, why do you still marry the current wife?
Was he also the decision to maximize the interests after weighing many aspects? But now, maybe family and career can not bring spiritual comfort, find an excuse for the first love, to find a sense of existence for the ordinary life?
2. Im not satisfied with my partner. I even think TA is not as good as my predecessor. Why should I get married?
This is actually an extension of the previous question. I believe that some people get married on impulse and get certificates without thinking about anything. But Im sure most people are cautious about marriage, especially men.
Both men and women, since we can successfully get to the stage of marriage, in addition to feelings, it must be some characteristics of the other party that urge you into marriage.
Therefore, it can be imagined that the men who still wear the sign of deep love after marriage are immature or irresponsible and selfish.
Women in marriage,
Can you bear it?
When we say that there are some types of women who are very active in marriage, dont forget that there are also some who are very tolerant. My best friend is that kind of person.
I believe some sisters want to pat the table when they see the details of the elephant, right? However, there are also quite a number of people who encounter problems in their marriage and their first reaction is: tolerance + escape.
Looking at the whole process of my girlfriends divorce, you will find that she did not mention how she communicated with her husband, nor did she seem to express her dissatisfaction. She just watched her heart knot grow bigger and bigger every time until the day when the negative emotions burst.
Marriage is not easy, and we should cherish it
We often say that love and marriage are two different things. Indeed, it may not be difficult to have a good relationship, but it is not easy to manage a good marriage.
A good marriage needs not only balance of power, but also a mature emotional outlook.
Once heard such a saying: marriage is to find a comrade in arms, together in life through thorns and thorns, break through barriers and fight monsters..
May everyone in our marriage never forget our original intention. I hope each of us can find the person who can say Im here by your side in case of problems.
Im pan Xingzhi, your close emotional counselor. If you need professional help, send me a private message. Fortunately, I will help you through the emotional crisis.