According to such thinking and logic, many people will fall into the trap of failure of marriage management. They will attribute the occurrence of betrayal to the failure of marriage management. They will go back to the details of the two people, and then look for clues. Finally, they can find out what caused the two peoples feelings to change from strong to weak
Is this the truth?
In fact, there is no such contradiction between husband and wife.
Under the trap of business failure, people who encounter betrayal will put the hope of solving problems on good management. Therefore, they will do many things that seem to help the recovery of feelings, such as more care for each other, more expression of love for each other And such a process, in fact, is the easiest to make themselves more humble process.
Havent you found that if you deal with the problem in this way, you, the betrayed person, will not only bear the pain of betrayal, but also bear the responsibility for the improvement of the relationship between the two people. This is not a kind of paying for the betrayal of the other party.
In fact, when a person does not love himself, what he needs most is not to hold on to this love. He must strive to make the other party change his mind and let love come back again. What we really need at this time is to be calm, accept frankly, and lack of love.
However, everyones heart is resistant to accept, this feeling is like you planted a tree, and finally arrived at the harvest season. As a result, the fruit is picked by others. Of course, it is unacceptable, and the heart is unwilling to accept it. If you advise you: forget it, dont ask for it, just take it. You will probably scold the person who advised you: why! This is what I deserve!
Yes, what belongs to oneself is suddenly lost. This is the root of inner resistance.
However, I hope you can understand that other things lost in this way, you can not accept, only feelings, you have to accept. Because, on the emotional level, this kind of loss is the other partys deliberate initiative. The person who takes the fruit and doesnt let you get the fruit is just the other party.
The unique and distinctive attribute of love is: love is originally a kind of voluntary love, and there is no need to remind, let alone force. A person loves you not because you ask for TA, but because TA wants to love you, so he loves you.
If you understand this truth, you should understand: after being betrayed, you dont need to ask for any feelings, compensation or burden from the other party. If you cant get it, you can keep the person or the marriage. But sooner or later, you will understand that if a persons heart is not here, you still have to cling to TA, which is ultimately a cocoon Its just binding yourself.
Many people are not willing to, there is another level: why does TA fall in love with others and betray me; where am I so bad, am I so unworthy of love and love?
Once this psychological comparison appears, it will inevitably be out of balance; once out of balance, we will try to find balance, and the common way to balance psychology is to make love come back again.
However, this is not a matter of whether you are good or who is better. It is just a matter of TAs choice. The truth is very simple. Just like some people who only love junk food, they think it is the delicious food in the world. If they cant convince them, do they have to bake themselves into the same kind of junk food?
So, you see what this means - taste, a persons taste, this has nothing to do with love.
If you can come out one day and look back at these problems, you may feel that you are very mean. Why do people with such bad taste expect such people to love themselves? Their taste is terrible.
In the final analysis, in the face of betrayal, dont tangle in what love or not love, dont try to make a betrayal of their own people, love themselves again; dont try to use the other party to love themselves again, to prove that they are worthy of love - whether to cherish you, can love you well in the future, this is the choice and decision of TA, leave it to TA to complete.
And what are you going to do? Of course, you have to make your own choices and decisions. What are your choices and decisions? Can only force each other to love themselves again?
In fact, love is such a thing, once you do not love, everything is futile, everything is redundant - if one day, on the contrary, you dont love TA, you will know that what ta does is useless and redundant.