After Valentines day, divorce has become a taboo in the family.
I think shes trying to find fault. I dont think I bought her a Valentines Day gift.
I wanted to make her happy and suggested, Ill take annual leave in a few days. How about going on a tour?
As a result, Xiumei said coldly, the rice in the pot is not cooked. What do you want to do so far?
Thats how she is. Shes always cold and angry.
Seeing that I didnt speak, she asked, do you think its interesting for us to live like this?
If its boring, dont do it! Divorce I took it naturally.
She didnt lose her temper this time. She went back to her room without saying a word. She didnt come out all night.
I dont think its right. I peeked at her cell phone at night and found that she was searching for suicide! I almost threw my cell phone to the ground.
When she spoke a little louder, I quickly took my son to my side, for fear that the child would irritate her;
When she watched TV series, I would sit by and brush my cell phone, so as not to hide in the house. She felt that I would not accompany her
However, she is still hard to please.
When she was in love, she had an unexpected pregnancy and had a massive uterine bleeding when she miscarried. However, she did not complain to me. At that time, I made up my mind that I would never leave her in this life.
However, love is easy to get along with.
After marriage, I want to go out and start a business. She doesnt support me at all.
I feel that I am a working machine. I dont want to take the money out of her hand!
Its the same with her whole family. Im asked to do all the work at home.
Coupled with the fiery temper and weird attitude, I can only rely on silence to maintain my final dignity.
This marriage, really only the responsibility. Holding a time bomb every day, I am afraid that one day, the first to collapse is myself.
The wife said:
His heart is not in marriage
Oral Speaker: Xiumei
Since I was a child, my mother taught me to find a man with a sense of responsibility. Hu Guangsheng is barely qualified for this, but what about his sense of responsibility?
He is not humorous, and he always talks straight. He can never tell which sentence I am really angry about;
He was impatient. He said that he was going shopping with me. He was clamoring to leave before the shopping mall was finished. He also said that the child wanted to sleep!
He has no work in his eyes, no talent in cooking, no organization in cleaning the house. He almost orders him to move. He always blames us for ordering him
In this way, he also felt that he had done his best, flaunting himself as a five good husband.
Its true that Im a bit quick tempered and I cant keep my temper down.
But even a fight is a kind of communication, right?
When I quarrel, he doesnt say anything.
Sometimes, seeing his silence, I will have a feeling of rapid breathing, as if something bad will happen. This panic makes me feel particularly unsafe.
In fact, when I first got married, I lacked a sense of security.
I am particularly worried about the impact of uterine bleeding on fertility. I have been wrestling with children for two or three years. I am particularly depressed every time I come to my menstruation. But he was like a man who had nothing to do with me.
Later, he finally had a child. He always wanted to do something else. His family had a deposit of two or three hundred thousand yuan. Where could he have the foundation of starting a business?
Sometimes on the way out of work, I think, is he back today? What if he runs away?
If he comes home and says nothing, I know nothing about his life.
Marriage is like this, the silent party always has the initiative!
But the thought of children, and gave up the idea of suicide.
Its just like this, I dont know how to live.
Defending intimacy with responsibility
The origin of most marital conflicts comes from some absolute assumptions.
Xiumei felt that her husband would not talk to herself because he wanted to abandon her, so silence could induce her extreme anxiety, and she had to raise her voice and even break the silence by quarrelling.
Hu Guangsheng thinks that once he divorces his wife, Xiumei will surely seek death. Therefore, all the unhappiness in the marriage is magnified by the premise that he cant divorce.
Facing the choice of divorce, does Hu Guangsheng have no inner conflict?
However, he is not willing to face his own struggle, the tangle and fear are all on Xiumei. In fact, one of Xiumeis resistance to divorce is Hu Guangshengs.
In fact, its a defense, a defense against love and being loved, and an escape from intimacy.
Responsibility and love go up and down in Hu Guangshengs place. He feels that he has an obligation to his marriage, so he always feels forced to do things. His sense of burnout is also the reason why he wants to escape.
By contrast, what Xiumei wants is very simple. She is a person whose feelings are supreme, so she can feel her husbands dissociation.
The couple need to have some real contact and textured interaction that really makes their partner feel Im there..
At the beginning of the consultation, I showed them two facts:
1u3001 Hu Guangsheng is also afraid of divorce.
I asked him, do you think divorce is a matter of life and death for Xiumei, but for you, does marriage matter?
Hu Guangshengs answer surprised Xiumei: I once thought about what to do after divorce, and I also thought of many possibilities. But its strange that I lost the motivation to make money. Maybe Ill quit my job and go wandering...
In Xiumeis eyes, her husband is a man who can only work and has no interest in life. However, when such a man lost his marriage, he even lost the motivation to work.
Undoubtedly, marriage is very important to him.
2u3001 They do make a lot of efforts to manage the marriage, but there are differences in the perspective of their interpretation of each other, which makes these efforts useless.
For example, Xiumei said that Hu Guangsheng was not attentive in dealing with her. However, he would cut a plate of fruit after every meal and take the initiative to take care of the baby when he was crying. It was not easy to stick to these things.
In the same way, although Xiumei has a short temper, she makes a delicious meal and cleans up the house.
Therefore, they are not unwilling to pay people, but often do their own things, feel that doing their own thing is to help each other, and gradually form a rigid interaction.
Once life is routine, there is a lack of freshness. Xiumei cant feel her husbands love, and then she lacks a sense of security, and then she starts to be irritable.
So, how to break this rigid interaction?
I suggest that couples choose one or two things they are not willing to do and exchange with each other.
Xiumei was the first one to throw out the laundry work. Hu Guangsheng felt that the annual inspection and maintenance work of the car was delayed, so Xiumei, who had more free time, was just assigned to do it. This kind of interaction can not only break the stereotyped life, but also make them have some freshness. Whats more important is that they will ask each other when they are unfamiliar with things, so there will be more communication between husband and wife.
In addition to breaking the deadlock, Hu needs to integrate his inner world.
During the consultation, he reviewed his growth experience and admitted that he was sometimes extreme. Because the family condition is not good, he has everything is his own struggle, so it is inevitable to be stubborn.
Being focused and resilient is a good quality, but its not flexible enough.
I invited Xiumei to talk about her expectations for her ideal partner. Therefore, Hu Guangsheng understood that a good husband is not only able to make money, but also to help with housework occasionally, but also to have a good sense of humor, adjust the atmosphere, be able to play happily, and even act coquettishly
Obviously, he failed to meet these requirements, and his attitude towards life was always too rigid.
When others travel, he will travel! Xiumei said with emotion that her husband had never seriously thought about how two people would really be happy.
But fortunately, Xiumei has realized that her husband cant meet all her expectations; its not his responsibility to make the two happy. Its up to the couple to find out the answer together.
The answer is not the only one, they need to give up some goals and requirements, and seriously feel life.
If you can share every touch with your partner, they will be one step closer to happiness and happiness.