Xiong Ling: anxiety of choosing not

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 Xiong Ling: anxiety of choosing not


Choice is a topic that accompanies ones life. The so-called choice is to make a decision, and the so-called free choice is to be able to make a decision freely. Suffering from chronic disease means that they cant choose freely, just like they cant choose freely.

Choose not to choose or to choose? This is the anxiety when we have to make a choice or not to choose. The result of anxiety is to take avoidance, that is, to choose not to choose. For example, when the leadership of the company deliberates on whether to approve a person to join the leading group, some people say agree to enter, others disagree and some abstain. The choice of the latter is a no choice choice. A visitor told me that he hated making choices. When he played such a hateful game as mother and lover are in trouble at the same time, you can only save one, he felt like suffering and restrained his anger towards game and never answered. As long as I face a choice, I will definitely choose not to choose, he said. In fact, it is also a choice, is in the choice can not anxiety, a helpless choice.

The anxiety of choosing to own or give up. People will instinctively choose to have things or behaviors that can give people benefits and happiness. However, when multiple advantages can not be achieved at the same time, there is a choice to have one, and there must be a choice to give up the others; when multiple disadvantages cannot be avoided, there must be a choice of one. Neurosis anxiety is, cant choose what to have, also cant choose what to give up, the two compare, choose to give up is more difficult than choose to hold.

More choices cant be expressed in interpersonal communication. Do you choose to accept or refuse? When you analyze and judge things, you may or may not choose? You should choose to do or not to do before you act? Do or not choose to attack or defend? Do or cheat? Choose divorce or not? Choose to live or die Endless choices.

Neurosis anxiety is such a negative emotion that when psychological needs are hindered, people feel pain when they choose their behaviors, and they are dissatisfied with life. It can make people fidgety, inefficient, slow in thinking and long-term insomnia when facing any choice

Anxiety is everywhere. Of all the anxieties, the most common is the choice not to worry, or anxiety always appears in the choice without exception.

The deep psychological motivation of the anxiety and pain of choice failure is desire conflict and anxious personality. Desire frustration or desire conflict is the most basic psychological mechanism of human mental pain. Desire frustration can be lost when any single wish is frustrated (for example, a person is rejected, denied or insulted in a certain need). But the desire conflict, when several wishes are denied or can not be satisfied at the same time, appears tension and loss. In general, people naturally have anxiety reaction in the dilemma situation, but this anxiety can make people focus on thinking and judgment of things, so as to make a choice.

The difference between normal and abnormal choice anxiety depends on whether a person can make his own decision when he is in a dilemma. Neurosis anxiety, is in the choice of looking forward to the future, hesitant, and because of the delay of time and aggravate anxiety. Or even if you make a selective decision, then you will have doubts about the rationality of the choice and fall into chagrin. So, behind the failure of this choice, what is the conflict in the decision-making desire?

Choice itself is an act. From the perspective of appearance, choice impossibility means behavior obstruction; from heart, it means resistance to the outside world. Resistance is due to the subconscious domination of Im not sure enough about you, I dont trust you enough..

The deep psychological development theory (entwick) explains the anxiety personality of neurosis, which refers to the damage of original trust in infants. Because infancy is the sensory stage of building psychological security and trust. In the first year of life, peoples perception of life or life is acquired through sensory organs. The quality of perception depends on the emotional attitude of mother and substitute. If this sensory feeling is not enough or damaged during this period, people will have a sense of insecurity and distrust, and a sense of uncertainty and incompetence in the choice of behavior. The author believes that the early environment of anxious personality is not only lack of emotional cultivation, but also a high standard and strict requirement, or a high anxiety interpersonal environment full of competitive risk. In this kind of environment, people experience the insecurity of tension, doubt and fear, and their personality will inevitably form a high sensitivity to external requirements, and their high standards and strict requirements will be internalized into the inner standard of self ideal.

If this self ideal is further extended, it can become a strong desire to be perfect. Those who pursue perfection excessively understand that there is no need to be perfect without perfection, but they just ask for perfection involuntarily. In fact, it is not the perfection itself that attracts him, but the fear of bad in his heart forces him to pursue perfection to avoid the anxiety of bad. Any excessive behavior, in fact, has the compulsion, which is ones own helplessness. The so-called non freedom of neurosis refers to the compulsive repetition of excessive behavior (i.e., the behavior is not controlled by subjective will), and its root is related to peoples anxious personality.

Anxious people are always eager for success in achieving the behavior style they need. They always want to take into account all their wishes. Otherwise, they will feel a sense of loss as if they are facing disaster. However, it is always a beautiful fantasy to achieve multiple wishes. In the end, he will constantly encounter conflicts of wishes and frustration of loss.

It can be seen from the analysis that such inner rules of longing for perfection will force people to stick to the perfect goal that they cant always reach, and experience the tension and anxiety of fear of damage to desire. Then, the focus and attention of behavior requirements will become no longer focused on what to do better, but on how to avoid mistakes. The content of the inner conflict is no longer aggressive (such as what to expect), but defensive (such as hope not to make mistakes). It can be said that the anxiety of choice failure is the repetition of peoples early inner insecurity, and it is a self-defense of neurotic personality coping with loss anxiety.

Behind the anxiety of not choosing, there is also the illusion of pursuing absolute correctness. According to the psychodynamic explanation, ones illusion of absolute idea originates from his early worship of authority and fear of punishment. In fact, this is the same as the early stage of high anxiety interpersonal environment. Perhaps, the most essential structure of anxious interpersonal environment is power, authority, control and coercion, and its core is authority. Because of authority, there are other things such as manipulation, usurpation, obedience, tyranny, attack, hatred, fear, etc.

History tells us that Chang stands for prosperity and perfection, but it must be the result of obedience to authority. Rebellious means rebellious and rebellious, while rebellious means death. It is a concise and comprehensive description of the consequences of treason (those who make mistakes). History also tells us that it is right to obey authority, and all authorities are correct and even supreme, represented by the formula: Authority = absolute security. Absolutely correct authority is not allowed to be violated, and those who violate it are absolutely wrong and will be punished. Therefore, people are born with a strong desire for authority and absolute correctness.

The cultural environment of Shun leads to prosperity and adversity leads to death is a highly anxious interpersonal environment. It can create not only the strong and heroes, but also the cowardice and neurosis. The formation of weak self of neurosis is the result of compromise and retrogression of his conflict personality in resisting anxiety environment. In the long-term anxiety of fighting against authority and control, one will naturally form dependence on authority (absolutely correct), which makes the desire for correctness and avoidance of misfortune become inner persistence.

However, relying on authority hides endless worries. Because to ensure that it must be correct, it will inevitably lead to fear of losing the right tension and anxiety. Such a sense of anxiety will lead to further insecurity in peoples minds, so that they are afraid of making mistakes in everything (such as not daring to express their opinions), and they cant decide whether to take sleeping pills tonight or not.

Those who are afraid of interpersonal communication, dare not speak, dare not make decisions, dare not talk about cancer, depression, AIDS, dare not many peoples psychological reality, are after the disillusionment of the pursuit of absolute security, they insist on pursuing absolute security again and again.

We can see from the single children that their deep dependence complex leads to their lack of responsibility. Because they have no sense of responsibility, they are helpless, helpless, withdrawn and evasive in the face of many things that need independent judgment and choice. From their behavior characteristics of reason is more than action, dependence is more important than independence, we can know that the most important thing for single children is the thought and truth of adult, and the most lack of adult sense of responsibility and free choice ability. This just makes the children easily fall into the anxiety and pain of not being able to choose when they are faced with major environmental changes or major choices. And their way out of this pain is generally not to make any choice, or continue to choose to rely on, choose not to change. Many childrens behaviors such as weariness, depression, indifference to anything and dependence on online games are the behaviors of evading realistic responsibility under the lack of responsibility ability.

To sum up, the anxiety of choosing not to be unable is a manifestation of the unfettered mind being controlled.

If peoples heart is not free, it means that there is something in the heart that has not been solved, so eating is not fragrant, and sleeping is not steady; when talking about the key point, it is that there is fear in the heart (what the devil of fear is still unknown), so there is a sense of anxiety and foreboding. The former is to relax the mind by solving practical problems. The latter is to get rid of the devil of fear by knowing the truth of fear and accepting the truth.

As long as people have unresolved psychological conflicts, the heart is hard to calm.

People always want to pursue a state of mind that is as calm as a mirror and as calm as water. This seems to be a very common requirement, but it is a high realm demand that is difficult for people to seek. Because people, on the road of carrying many wishes and hopes, ask for their own peace of mind, so that this heart full of desire, on the one hand, can only break the heart to realize the desire, on the other hand, make every effort to be calm like water. But in the end, we found that the heart was still so chattering or restless that it could not be as calm as the water even though it tried to look through the water Because the affected heart is in a dilemma, it is unable to take care of the other side. It is difficult for it to have a free choice in life. Later, it simply does not make any choice.

To relieve the anxiety of choice impossibility is to emancipate the mind from unfreedom. This must be done first, let the chattering heart in a state of rest - to remove the obsession between me and my concept of absolute security, so that the restless heart can be at ease.

Then, theres a lot to do. For example, to understand their own needs and what can be achieved? To cultivate their ability to achieve the required behavior responsibility and so on.