In the face of emotional betrayal, why do many people choose to forgive? In terms of which, there are both helplessness and helplessness. From a point of view, betrayal is to let your life fall into a certain predicament, and forgiveness has become the door for many people to break through the predicament. It seems that if you cant forgive, you will always be trapped in it and cant extricate itself.
However, this is not the truth.
All people who choose to forgive at the first time will basically have this internal logic:
Through forgiveness, let everything return to normal.
But in fact, even if you can really forgive, everything is very difficult to do as you wish; whats more, can you really forgive?
The reason why we emphasize that in the face of betrayal, we prefer forgiveness. One fundamental reason is that love and marriage are bound together. If there is no marriage, for a person who can betray his feelings, there is no need to forgive, at least not to embarrass himself, to forgive the other partys malicious harm. Because its not worth it, its not worth it.
However, because feelings and marriage, family, completely twisted together, so, in order to protect marriage, in order to protect the family, we must be able to let go of emotion, otherwise, this day is impossible to live.
It is such an idea that many people choose to forgive. The meaning of forgiveness is not for feelings, but just for marriage and family. If you dont forgive each other, you will resist or even hate each other emotionally, and the relationship between two people cant be good; if the relationship cant be good, marriage and family cant be happy.
However, please remember that once you encounter betrayal, in fact, feelings are feelings, and marriage is marriage. The two can not be confused.
If you can distinguish the two, then, many times, you will not be so tangled, and will not be so painful.
Forgiveness is actually like this: if you really forgive, you will not be entangled; if you are still entangled, you will not be able to forgive - it is so simple.
Many people talk about forgiveness, but in fact they dont forgive at all. Many people persuade themselves to forgive, but their inner resistance is very strong. This is the essence of forgiveness. You cant cheat yourself.
When you have inner conflict and force yourself to complete forgiveness, it becomes your biggest self torture and self conflict.
Therefore, for those who have been betrayed, I have a piece of advice: dont force yourself to forgive someone who betrayed you.
Some people may say that if I dont forgive TA, our relationship will deteriorate and cant get better, then our marriage will not be happy, and our family cant be harmonious.
Yes, there is nothing wrong with that.
However, I hope you can understand a few points:
In other words, when the other party chooses to betray, the relationship has deteriorated and is in jeopardy. No matter what the final outcome of the relationship is, it is TAs betrayal, not your forgiveness or not.
In other words, I can choose to forgive or not. TA has the choice of betrayal, you have the choice of forgiveness or not; TA does not force themselves not to betray, you actually do not have to force yourself to forgive.
Third, many years of feelings, children, family, and other considerations, in the face of betrayal, you can try to forgive, that is, give priority to forgiveness..
Forgiveness is just to give you another chance, not the only way to have a happy future. Of course, before choosing to forgive, we should first see whether it is possible to forgive and whether it is worth it. For example, if the other party resolutely does not turn back and betrays repeatedly, there is no possibility and value of forgiveness at all.
Fourth, whether you can forgive or not, it takes a while to have an answer.
Then set a deadline for yourself. Within the time limit, try to forgive each other. In this stage, please remember that forgiveness is a lesson, and it needs to be learned. It is not that you can forgive each other by counting forgive a thousand times a day. Forgiveness is a practical action, such as controlling emotions and avoiding repeating old things.
Fifthly, if you cant forgive in the end, dont tangle or blame yourself.
Sixth, in the case of no real forgiveness, consider the final choice of marriage.
If you can, you can leave; if you cant, you can keep it. But the purpose of reservation is only for children, or because of economy, and it is no longer an emotional consideration.
If you say that marriage without true feelings is not what I want, and I cant live such a marriage, then what I want to tell you is that if you really cant get through, you will definitely choose to end it; what I also want to tell you is: in reality, many people live like this.
So, although the idealized result is, forgive the betrayal, and then mend the old.
In short, forgiveness is not a kind of forced to be helpless. Never fall into a trap, and then force yourself to forgive the other party who betrayed his feelings. In fact, in reality, there are many people who can never forgive their betrayal, but their marriage is still going on.