Female stars: you may be hurt and think its your fault

 Female stars: you may be hurt and think its your fault

Is it reasonable to curse?

These two days of hot search is really eye opening.

Yamy, the leader of the former rocket girl group, released a recording. Xu Mingchao, the boss of her brokerage company, repeatedly said that yamy was very ugly, super ugly, fashionable, thought she was sick, poor singing, and didnt like listening

But according to yamys own tweet, the companys bosss humiliation and suppression of his appearance is long-term.

Listening to the recording content, the crowd was enraged.

No matter whether yamy is an artist or not, or whether a person sets up a commodity or not, the boss Xu Mingchaos humiliation of a persons appearance and demeaning and abusing his business ability are very unacceptable.

What is even more incomprehensible is that Xu Ming Chao wrote two essays in succession, and his attitude can be regarded as classic:

I am the middle-aged male boss of the workplace PUA is filled with the word threat between the lines.

I cant stand it.

As a female, I certainly cant accept such insults on womens appearance. As an employee, I also understand yamys feelings.

Of course, you cant have such a boss!

Then, the word workplace PUA was also brought into hot search.

Middle aged male boss of workplace PUA, all long like that?

The title of Xu Mingchaos article today is I apologize! I am the middle-aged male boss of PUA! u300bI have to say that he is very precise in his positioning.

The boss of PUA is not the same: he humiliates his employees all the time in meetings, and forces subordinates to agree with their own views and thinks that subordinates should be absolutely obedient.

Do you think a boss like Xu Mingchao is boastful and rare? Its all over the place.

Last week, we tweeted a quiet [], which is about how it took her five years to get out of the shadow left by her previous leader

After entering the company, the quiet superiors were often offended and yelled hysterically at work. She was trembling every day for fear of being scolded by the leaders for what she had done wrong.

Im not a very good person. People I work with need to get used to it. This sentence from the superior made Wenjing completely determined to block him.

The quiet story resonates with many people. In addition to this kind of stormy leadership, others say that they have suffered from negative tactics: they are arranged to do the most difficult work, are excluded and isolated, and are robbed of resources. In the end, everything is labeled as those who can do more work. People who do things are, of course, patient until they collapse.

To be honest, when we meet such a leader, we always feel that its our bad luck to leave. However, the discussion on the Internet has been so heated these two days that people cant help asking questions

What if the leaders and colleagues just criticize? Maybe theyre just born to complain? Is it true that I am too sensitive to exaggerate the intention of the leadership?

There is a very simple way to judge whether you have been PUA. When the other party makes you feel you are not comfortable, this is your problem, you should be alert.

It needs to satisfy two conditions

1. Someone has done something to you and said something to make you feel uncomfortable;

2. When you express discomfort, it is your problem that he makes you feel uncomfortable, it has nothing to do with him.

On the program informal talks, psychologist Li Songwei explained how PUA happened

Step 1:

What you just said made me uncomfortable.

What words?

Step 2:

If you look at your expression, you seem to think it doesnt matter, right?

I didnt.

Step 3:

You didnt show any apology to me.

But it was a three sentence question, and Yang Di was so flustered that he wanted to run away.

If I were Yang Di, I would be restless, and then I would doubt that I had done something wrong and hurt the other party. That must be because I have a sentence that makes him feel uncomfortable.

PUA was successful in just a few seconds.

Is it a bit cold after watching it?

Looking back on your life, dont you feel guilty? Do you think it doesnt matter? Youre just selfish. You dont care about my feelings. Why are you so sensitive, as for it I hear it every day.

Am I surrounded by PUA?! Im PUA 800 times a day by my parents and husbands boss, but I dont know?

What I want to say is that it doesnt matter whether you are PUA or not. It doesnt matter what others say. What matters is what you feel.

If you dont feel well, you can leave at any time.

In addition to the PUA in the workplace, do you also see this situation in your life

The husband will say to his wife, you are always extravagant and dont know how to save money.

Anyone who hears this sentence will be upset, and some wives may turn to blame themselves: he was right. I cut my hands all at once. I made a mistake. I shouldnt have bought so many.

I cant judge whether this is PUA, but it has such a danger:

If such things happen many times, the wife will no longer think that she has the right to spend money, or she will feel that she is not worthy of spending money, and she can not even live independently and must rely on her husband.

Her independence and self will also be slowly destroyed, such a relationship, of course, is harmful and heartbreaking.

If you dont feel well, you can leave at any time. This common sense has been forgotten, so when the wife feels criticized, she does not say that her next step is not to give feedback to the other party, but to immediately reflect on herself: am I wrong? Shouldnt it? Im really bad. He must hate me

But if I were the wife, I would understand this:

Everyone is equal to everyone. The boss and the employees are cooperative relations. The husband and wife are also marriage partners. Why always let me reflect on myself? I dont want to just reflect on myself. Lets reflect on this relationship.

If you dont want to admit that you are involved in the relationship, then I can leave naturally and get rid of the relationship that easily makes me trapped and hurt.

Of course, walking away without responding is also a way.

In psychology, there is a concept similar to PUA, called gas lamp effect. In the book gas lamp effect, the author said, the manipulated person holds the key to the prison by himself. Once she knows the situation, she has the ability to bravely and definitely refuse the manipulators crazy distortion of reality and dominate her own world.

That key is how you feel. Its instinct. Believe it.


Picture | network

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