Private prosecution: after five years of marriage, the passion has already faded. My husband learned from the Internet that there is a kind of wife changing game that is quietly popular among white-collar workers. He even persuaded me to join in. In order to save the dying marriage, he agreed to his absurd proposal. But after changing, I found that I could not bear the pressure and the sense of guilt.
Diagnosis: the root of changing wives lies in the lack of security of wives and the wrong cognition of husbands to marriage. In the consultation, I used the reshaping imprinting and forgiveness methods to urge her to reflect and accept herself, and helped them rebuild their communication through behavior therapy.
Consultant: Jiang Yuhan
When the well-dressed miyao came in, her beautiful face was full of melancholy. After sitting down in the consulting room, she began to sob before I asked. I handed her the paper towel on the tea table and poured a cup of hot water for her. Then she settled down and started talking with me.
Mi Yao initially suspected that her husband Xiao Guang had an affair, but the follow-up investigation showed that none of this had happened. Xiao Guang is addicted to the Internet, and Mi Yao is worried that he no longer pursues the stimulation on the screen, but pursues one night stands and even online love. So she also learned to surf the Internet. She learned to play whatever games Xiao Guang fell in love with. Although this once eased their relationship between husband and wife, they did not change their sexual life. Xiao Guang still turned a blind eye to her, even if she was naked and walked around in front of Xiao Guang, Xiao Guang was indifferent.
So, one day, Xiao Guang was excited to find out the website of a wife exchange club for her to see. Although she felt uncomfortable, she still accepted Xiao Guangs proposal of husband and wife exchange.
Husband and wife exchange: she is overwhelmed by pressure and guilt
The pain on MI Yaos face is obvious. Obviously, she is on the verge of collapse because she cant bear the pressure and the sense of guilt in her heart. On the one hand, she is afraid of losing her husbands love and marriage. On the other hand, she has to bear the things she is extremely unwilling to do, accept exchanges again and again, endure the closeness of strange men, and imagine her husband in another room
Having sex with other women. This kind of stimulation caused her great anxiety and fear. However, the root cause of MI Yaos psychological problems is not only caused by this exchange, but also because of the fear of loss in his heart and had to accept the compromise.
We also had a period of confusion and passion, and I thought we had found the happiness we had. Mi Yao said with a wry smile, in fact, in my heart, I really hate such a day and have relationships with strangers one after another. But Xiao Guang seems to have fallen in love with such a life. On the one hand, I cant give up him. On the other hand, I dont want to go on living. Mi Yao finished and sobbed in a low voice.
Looking at Mi Yaos crying appearance, my heart is also a bit sour. Love has always been exclusive, after a moment of fresh stimulation, there will always be unspeakable pain.
Does he know the pain in you? I asked Mi Yao.
No, I never dare to let him know. Mi Yao shook her head.
Why dont you let him know? My direct interrogation made her stunned. It seemed that she never thought why she didnt dare to let her husband know her pain.
I dont know. It seems like I didnt dare to tell him my inner pain from the beginning. Im afraid that when he knows it, he wont love me any more. He wont want our marriage Ive been catering to him all the time, whether its big or small, sometimes even if theres any opinion, I dont dare to bring it up. I think that way, he wont be upset, he wont want me
Mi Yaos description made me interested in her childhood experience. From the theory of psychoanalysis, childhood experience will affect peoples attitude and outlook on life after they grow up. And her extreme fear of loss should have a lot to do with her childhood experience.
How much do you remember when you were a child? I changed the subject.
When I was a child, my parents were very busy. Sometimes they gave me to my grandmother, sometimes to my nanny and my little aunt. Thats all I remember. What Mi Yao said is very general and vague.
I know that MI Yao has already started to guard against me instinctively. It must have no effect if I ask this question. So I turn on the stereo in the consulting room, and the soothing music starts to sound. Mi Yao, you close your eyes and lean on the sofa to listen to the music quietly. I guided her to relax and lean back on the sofa. Previously, she was still a little nervous and her muscles were tight. Under my slow guidance, she slowly relaxed her facial muscles, her closed eyes did not blink too much, and she listened to the music quietly.
Mi Yao, how are you feeling now? I asked softly.
Now think about it. Was there anything you were particularly afraid of when you were a child?
Mi Yao closed her eyes and recalled: when I was a child, my parents were often not at home. I lived with my grandmother. Later, when my grandmother was old and not in good health, my family hired a nanny. That little aunt is very fierce. She often scolds me by pulling my ear while grandma is taking a nap or going out. She also threatens me not to tell Grandma. I was only four or five years old, very afraid, but also dare not tell Grandma, every
I want to follow my grandmother when she wants to go out. But my grandmother never allowed me to go out with her, so she let me follow my little aunt at home When Mi Yao recalled the events of that year, her face showed a look of pain.
Have you never told anyone? I went over and gently held her hand.
Once when my father came home, I told him, but my father didnt believe me and scolded me for disobedience. My mother also said that I was not sensible. Grandma didnt believe it was true, because I never had a wound. They said I lied and later asked me to apologize to the little aunt. I didnt apologize and beat me up Her body trembled slightly. Later, I never told them again, because they said that they would not want me if I lied again. Im afraid they dont want me, so I dont have a home. Later, the aunt even more severely scolded me for beating me, but she did not leave a trace every time, so that I could not sue.
My heart is a little bit painful, little aunts hateful is on the one hand, but the parents ignorance and carelessness is the root of the psychological harm to MI Yao! Only parents can give children a sense of security and protection in their young hearts. When parents cant give children such a sense of security, their inner hurt will be deeply buried in her heart and affect her life. Mi Yaos fear of losing her family is her current problem. She is afraid that her husband will leave her, so she will agree with her husbands request to change his wife. And this strong sense of fear makes her lose her self, blindly catering to each other, thus causing her own inner harm more and more serious, psychological problems.
When the child is four or five years old, the parents fail to meet the needs of the child and do not support him. Instead, they punish him. He will feel guilty and guilty, so he will stop his initiative. After growing up, there will be some psychological problems, such as fear of making mistakes, feeling helpless and guilty, only knowing how to comfort and cater to others, avoiding risks and other psychological problems. The adult psychological obstacles related to this are: unable to recognize or express the inner feelings, afraid to say the inner things, carrying on the excessive responsibility for the emotional relationship, constantly trying to please others and avoiding the fear of being abandoned. And Mi Yao is such a psychological obstacle.
I choose to use the remolding imprinting method of NLP therapy to resolve the inner obstacles in the process of MI Yaos growth and deal with the problem of her identity level. I drew a time line on the ground and asked her to stand in the present position of the time line, facing the future and facing the past, guiding her to reproduce the anxiety and fear in her heart. I clenched her arm with my hand and guided her to walk backward. When she was about four years old, I asked her, how old are you now? What do you feel?
Mi Yao panic, I have been holding her arm to support her, with the forgiveness method and accept yourself method to resolve her imprint feeling. I told her that her fear and fear at that time was because she was still very young and did not know how to protect herself. Now she is an adult, and she can protect herself from being hurt without relying on the strength of her parents. Then guide her to accept her then self, embrace and appreciate that self, and feel the combination of her then self and present self. Go into the future, imagine your future relationship with your husband, and feel how you can help yourself deal with marriage problems in the future.
I told miyao that everyones growth is constantly learning and improving, and each imprinted experience is an important learning in life. These experiences have fulfilled their mission, so the sense that they bring has disappeared and never comes back.
Mi Yaos face showed a resolute look: thank you, I know what to do, I want to tell him what I think in my heart, I want to talk to him well.
Under Mi Yaos persuasion, Xiao Guang also entered the consulting room.
Marriage needs to be well managed to keep it fresh for a long time
Xiao Guang is a refined middle-aged man with the charm of a mature man. Xiao Guang came to the consulting rooms first sentence is: I never thought that MI Yao would tell you our private affairs. His eyes were full of distrust and worry. I calmly asked him to sit down and asked Xiao Luo, the receptionist, to make a good cup of green tea for him. Mr. Xiao, have a cup of tea first. I didnt take up his topic, because I didnt want him to get involved in it. At the moment, calming his mood is the most important thing. As the saying goes, if you dont smile when you reach out, my politeness finally helps him maintain his gentlemanly demeanor.
Your wife, MI Yao, is in pain. I brought the topic straight to the subject.
Choose between your passion and your wife. What would you choose? If you had to make a choice, what would you choose? I use the choice method to let Xiao Guang answer directly.
Xiao Guang said firmly: I cant lose my wife. He finally realized that the most difficult thing to give up was his wife.
If your wife cant accept your exchange offer, will you leave her for it? I pressed on.
Of course not. Those are just temporary interests. I can tell them clearly. Xiao Guang said more firmly.
Xiao Guang was lost in thought. I didnt disturb him. I believe he would change some views because he loved his wife. If
There is love in marriage, so there is no contradiction that cannot be reconciled, and no relationship can not be changed.
I told Xiao Guang the source of her deepest fear and asked him to tell his wife his love for her in a clear way. Because Mi Yao needs Xiao Guangs clear love to prove that her worries are unnecessary, and she should encourage her wife to express her feelings. Only when both sides have communication can they understand each others real needs. The passion in marriage is not only found outside. A marriage managed with heart can also keep the freshness and passion of love.
Through wind and rain, marriage rekindles passion in love
I gave Mi Yao and Xiao Guang homework, respectively, to change each others fixed thinking mode with behavior therapy.
1. Once a day, recall the fear and worry of childhood, and tell yourself in your heart that the past experience has passed and will not affect your present self. Until the memory of childhood no longer have the feeling of fear and fear.
3. Dont suppress your emotions, explain your inner feelings to your husband and tell the reason.
4. Accept everything you have, including all the good or bad features.
Show love to your wife every day. With words or actions, the wife can feel her love deeply, so as to improve her trust and reduce her fear.
2. Travel with his wife occasionally. Romance can be made, and passion comes from mood.
3. Learn to enjoy the warmth between husband and wife. They talk about their childhood anecdotes, or set a common goal for their families. They work together to achieve the goals and find new fun and passion in the common progress.
Jiang Yuhan (psychological consultant)
1. Even though sex plays an important role, the essence of marriage is a kind of commitment. When sex evolves into a crisis that two people must face together, then according to the marriage contract, its solution needs both husband and wife to face together.
2. Marriage should respect each other, especially their inner feelings.