First of all, lets analyze the differences between long-distance love and ordinary couples.
Many people may say that they cant meet each other every day in different places, but this is only the most superficial difference.
In fact, the most fundamental contradiction between long-distance couples is that they cant give each other company and emotional interaction when they need it. And because of this vacancy, it leads to the crisis of trust.
We imagine a scene in which a girl was reprimanded by the leader for her mistakes in her work. At this time, she wanted to call her boyfriend. As a result, she hung up in a meeting. Later, her boyfriend called again and asked, whats wrong? she could only say, its nothing.
This is the first drawback of long-distance love. It is unable to give emotional feedback and comfort to the other party in time.
Think about another scene. One night, a boy gets a temporary task and needs to work overtime. When his mobile phone is out of power, he forgets to charge it. The girl sleeps in the middle of the night and wants to chat with her boyfriend, but the wechat he sends doesnt return and the phone is always turned off.
So a strange mood spread in the girls heart.
The second drawback of long-distance love is that it is easy to produce trust crisis.
Therefore, if we want to make the long-distance love warm up, we must first overcome two points: emotional interaction and trust crisis.
The number one killer of long-distance love is the company with extra time and absence.
No one can escape from group life, because human beings are social animals.
We cant accept the fact that we have a partner, but they cant be with us.
If the partner is not around for a long time, people instinctively think that they are single and need to choose a mate. And this instinct can also push people to cheat.
Compared with the partners who can get along with each other day and night, the moral bottom line of long-distance love couples is so weak in front of the human bench.
Everyone is afraid of loneliness, especially in big cities. Everyone hopes to be accompanied by someone after work. This emotional need will also provide a window for the third party to enter.
Therefore, we must have a clear plan for long-distance love, and do not let it last too long, otherwise we can not escape the tragic ending of failure.
The second killer between long-distance couples is trust.
For most couples, long-distance love is the breeding ground for cheating, which creates time and space conditions for cheating.
For a girl, its hard for us to control ourselves when we have a long-distance relationship. We dont think about what the other party is doing and who we are with.
If the other party does not handle this sensitive issue well, it is very difficult for us not to worry, and in turn, we have a stronger sense of control over him.
Thus forming a situation that the more women check, the more annoyed the men are, and finally the boys lie in order not to let their girlfriends suspect, and the girls more and more distrust the boys because of the other sides lies, which finally forms a vicious circle.
So if we are already in the pattern of long-distance love, how can we better plan the development of the relationship, so as to get a happy ending?
If we want to get trust from each other, the first thing we have to do is to give them enough trust.
In this case, we first choose to trust, whether the other party trusts us or not. We all released a goodwill and laid a better foundation for mutual trust.
First of all, we should give each other some space, do not always inquire about what the other party is doing and who he is with.
What is the exchange principle?
For example, if I want to know what my boyfriend ate tonight, I can take the initiative to say to him, honey, I ate scrambled eggs with tomatoes tonight, and I think its good to eat!
He is likely to take the initiative to say, Oh, I like this dish too. then we can say, what did you eat tonight? Who did you eat with?
Its more natural than asking questions directly, and he tends to tell the truth when he is relaxed.
That is to say, everything we do needs feedback.
For example, if we have a pet, we call it by its name and hope to get its response.
We update a software and want to see the progress bar.
I dont know if you have noticed that no matter how advanced the door is, there is a closing sound.
In fact, our current technology can make the door close without making any sound. Why do we keep this sound?
So, dont answer the phone or return the message for no reason. If we are really busy, we can tell each other that I am busy now, and we will return your message later.
If you dont get feedback, everyones going to freak out.
For most boys, getting a positive feedback will make them very happy.
What is positive feedback?
For example, a boy said to us, I have made new progress in the project today. At this time, we can give him a positive affirmation.
We can say, honey, its really great. I feel safe to be with you. You are working hard for our future every day.
When communicating with the other party, we should realize that in fact, what a person says to us and what he or she does to us is expecting our feedback.
Whether its positive feedback or negative feedback.
When we give positive feedback, it is also a psychological hint to the other party. Hint him: we have greater loyalty and higher expectations for this relationship, then the other party will tend to keep consistent with us.
The most suffocating feeling of long-distance love is not checking the post, but the sense of giving.
When it comes to long-distance relationships, there must be plans for the future. If two people want to be together for a long time, one of them may want to go to the other in the future.
Then some friends will ask: in the long-distance relationship, is it better for the man to go to the woman, or is it better for the woman to go to the man?
In fact, this is not a multiple choice question, but an open question.
Because the reality of each couple is different. Everyones future planning is also different, so there is no definite answer here. We should make a choice according to our own reality.
The sense of giving is unbearable in a relationship.
We feel that we have paid a lot for each other, and naturally we want the other partys return. If he doesnt give us good feedback, we will feel very disappointed. Even if the relationship ends in a long distance, it is difficult to have a good ending.
Its not about one side throwing everything away and going all out to the other.
In fact, whether it is long-distance love or lovers in the same place, we will certainly face a lot of difficulties when we are in love. Overcoming this difficulty is a kind of love experience and a process of our maturity.
After long-distance love test, if we can achieve the right result, we will treasure each other. Even if we dont get the ending we want, we also get better ourselves in this kind of love, and this is the most important meaning of love for us.
This is what each of us seeks in love.
Ling Zhi, the author of the book, is keen on thinking about evolutionary psychology and sexual relations. She has been with you all the way to collect emotional dry goods. She believes that better feelings belong to better self.