Lets go back to the scene of lyrics in the group and see what happened.
Ding Dang became a team leader because of her strong singing ability. As a team leader and a strong singer, she should preside over and lead the parts.
But before Dingdang could speak a few words, he was interrupted by Huang Shengyi and jumped directly to the back part.
This is the beginning of chaos. Then, Liu Yun, Zhang Yuqi and Zhang Meng began to express their opinions respectively, completely ignoring Ding Dangs role as team leader.
Huang Shengyi even took over the task and said that there was a high voice that should let Ding Dang come to Biao, and Liu Yun was also helping.
Although the lyrics are divided, Dingdang no longer talks.
It wasnt until the evaluation started that Ding Dang said there were some problems. Huang Shengyi asked her to change them. Ding Dang said it was too late. It was only 10 minutes.
Judging from their evaluation performance, the aribati group is not satisfactory at best.
Although everyone has participated and worked hard, the presentation effect is like a simple and rough temporary platter without blending and cooperation, which is obviously not like a group.
When the tutor announced the results, Ding Dang cried and was full of grievances.
On the way to dinner after disbanding, Huang Xiaoming communicates the problem with aribati group.
Zhang Yuqi has been saying that Dingdang doesnt say anything. After being advised by several other people not to say anything more, Zhang Yuqi still insists. I just want to force her to say it.
On the issue of the aribati group, the spear at the beginning was directed at Huang Shengyi.
He accused Huang Shengyi of being aggressive and interruptive, which made Ding Dang unable to speak, including several other team members who were also very self-conscious, but the wind direction was different the next day when we looked at the discussion.
Some netizens said that Dingdangs performance is also very annoying. If you have any opinions, why dont you hold your tongue? Besides, she is the team leader and doesnt play a leading role.
The reason why the opinions of netizens are difficult to reach unity is that we have encountered such difficulties in our work and life, but the roles of substitute are different, and the positions are naturally different.
In group meetings, there must be strong roles who love talking and interrupting. There must also be following roles who follow the crowd, and weak roles whose voices are drowned and dare not speak;
Its the same in the family, even in the family of three with the simplest structure. When communicating one thing, if the father is strong, its likely that the mother will not express it and the child will follow in silence.
In different role perspectives, the problem must be someone else.
What we see from Huang Shengyi, Ding Dang and other people are the shadows in their own life fragments, so its easy to identify with people who are similar to themselves and dislike the different side.
I dont want to be a mediator, but thats the fact. Huang Shengyi and Ding Dang have their own problems. Its unnecessary to compare who is more wrong. Its more meaningful to find the crux of their lives from this matter.
Huang Shengyi is the founder.
Without the strength of her and several other team members, maybe Ding Dang can be a team leader smoothly, and the performance of this group will be better. Huang Shengyis problem is obvious. He loves control, self-centered and doesnt consider other peoples feelings.
If someone else becomes Ding Dangs role, its hard to avoid Huang Shengyis performance.
Where there are people, there is the Jianghu. Where there are people, there must be power struggle.
Huang Shengyi and several other older sisters, even if not intentionally, will cause pressure to other members of the group, so obedience to authority is Ding Dangs unconscious act.
Imagine that in the work, even if you are the team leader, there are more influential people in the group, do you really dare to challenge authority?
Dingdangs later performance changed from obedience to authority to learned helplessness.
Every time she was interrupted, her speech was not respected and recognized, as if nothing was right, she gradually did not dare to speak.
Learned helplessness is very common in life and workplace. After many attempts, it still cannot change the situation. Many people will choose to give up trying again, either become followers or become passive attackers.
Dingdang is a typical passive attacker.
She is really aggrieved, and there are external reasons for her not to speak and not to express her opinions, but she is not really able to follow the crowd, because she is not a person without attitude.
You can pay attention to one detail. When the elder sisters stay in the dormitory, Ding Dang is the first one to say that she wants to live downstairs. She says she wants to cook, so living downstairs, Zhang Yuqi also says its convenient.
Dingdang has her own ideas and opinions, but when she meets people with authority and status who have different opinions, she can only suppress her own expression of wishes and dissatisfaction.
Now that she has expressed her wishes and emotions, what kind of way does she use to ease them? Its passive attack.
Dont say the idea directly, say its OK when asked, or say its OK when asked, including saying that it wont work and cant be solved in the last ten minutes.
I think thats why many people hate Dingdang. Its not so much that we hate Dingdang, but that we think of the moments in our lives when we deal with passive attackers.
Its like the May Day Lyrics you cant come, youre not high when youre here, everyone is happy to come out and play, but youre buried in eating. Its not only disappointing, but also powerless.
Zhang Yuqi finally forces Ding Dang to speak, because some egos dont consider Ding Dangs feelings.
But in fact, there is a reasonable part in transposition thinking. When a straight person meets a passive attack, he is really helpless and can only roar.
Its hard for us to like passive attackers. They seem to have a good temper and wont openly oppose and argue, but they will express their anger in a circuitous way.
Passive attack is not a mistake. There are difficulties behind it.
Because the right of expression is deprived, repressed and hidden, it gradually becomes a person who cant express anger and emotion, and cant let his inner imbalance, and can only vent in other ways.
Its a form of self-protection, but its not a benign, positive solution.
In my comments, I saw that some people said that when they saw their own appearance from Dingdang, they could only shrink their hands and feet in the face of the strong, authoritative and control loving people, and they were very aggrieved.
In many cases, we will be passive attackers. Imagine if Huang Shengyi meets a quiet person, or someone who is bigger and has better resources than her, will she also be Ding Dang?
Therefore, its no use arguing right and wrong. Under the influence of the situation, we may all become passive attackers, and inevitably have to deal with passive attackers. Lets think about how to solve the problem from this argument.
If you unconsciously become a passive attacker, first of all, you should be aware of its existence and learn to express it in a positive way.
Most of the passive attacks in adulthood are the replication of early childhood experience, which is an emotional projection, which does not mean that you are still in a weak position in the relationship.
You are no longer dependent on your parents for your independent thoughts, so you have the right to express your emotions and the ability to respond to each others anger.
This kind of response is not a vicious counterattack, but a peaceful way to talk about your feelings, your thoughts and attitudes.
Passive attack is actually a kind of variation of self attack. Anger has hurt the passive attacker before it is implemented, and then it will turn into an attack directed to the outside.
If you meet a passive aggressive person who may be your parents, friends and partners, there are several ways to deal with it:
Passive attack needs to trigger its situation and object, which may be caused by you exerting too much pressure on the other party in the process of getting along:
For example, if you have too much control, accusation, nitpicking and so on, you should check whether you have any unreasonable requirements, excessive attitude, and multiple attacks on each other in the relationship?
Take the initiative to break the vicious circle
Anger - Passive attack - anger is a possible mode of interpersonal relationship, which can only cause two peoples anger to flow in each other, but it has not been resolved.
Therefore, we should give each other a chance to vent their emotions and encourage them to express their feelings and thoughts directly, so as to break this cycle and free each other from anger.
The damage caused by passive attack can not be underestimated, so it is necessary to clearly tell the passive attacker the limit you can accept. If you touch the bottom line, you will not tolerate it.
It should also be clearly pointed out that even seemingly insignificant small things, passive attacks will have serious consequences, for example, it will make you unable to build trust or even destroy your relationship, which is a constraint on passive attacks.
Thomas Moore, an American psychologist, said: its best to be friends only with people who express anger.
Because, although expressing anger may seem to cause a tense atmosphere for a while, in fact, it is to resolve emotions and conflicts in a positive way. Those who seem to have a good temper and cant express anger are often not as friendly as you think. Its likely that they will fight back at you in a passive way.