Xiong Ling: marriage manic depression

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 Xiong Ling: marriage manic depression


Manic depression is a kind of affective psychosis. The patients show manic and depressive emotions circularly, which is called bi-directional affective psychosis. The depressive symptoms are: depression, empty heart, no vitality, no sense of value, exhaustion, inability to make decisions, no confidence and no interest in anything. Manic symptoms are: hyperactivity, irritability, moods are changeable, there are too many instincts and impulses, demanding, quarrelsome, aggressive or aggressive.

Psychodynamic explanations for the formation of depression include: the basic needs are frustrated, especially because of the mothers reason, the oral desire is not satisfied, the oral desire and aggressive desire are inhibited, and the symbiotic dependence. This kind of experience in the early years is sensitive to the corresponding experience in the future, and forms a kind of depression quality. Mania has the same basic disorder as depression, which is produced only for the resistance and defense of basic conflict and depression, mania is the escape of depression.

Clinical psychology, there is no marriage manic depression. But there are too many manifestations of marriage phenomenon like individual manic depression, so I use the name of this disease to analyze the symptoms of marriage.

Case: Dayang is 31 years old, Xiaojuan is 28 years old. They have been married for 4 years and quarreled for 4 years. They have a 2-year-old son. Both of them have a good job, a good income and a year of sweet love life. When the son was born, the parents of Dayang lived in their home in the metropolis from a small town. Xiaojuan began to quarrel with her father-in-law and mother-in-law, especially her husband.

Dayang is a very filial son. He is an action school. He is not good at showing his feelings. He has strong principles and is true. He has been in love twice, both of which are breakups proposed by the women. He is very defensive to mention this. Her personality is more publicity, and she is impatient. After marriage, she becomes more mean and powerful. Every quarrel is almost initiated by Xiaojuan. At first, because of some trivial things, later, because her husband played cards and the two couldnt communicate, they fought. After each battle, Xiaojuan would go back to her mothers house for two days, and she would not go home until she was advised by her mother. Its also because its not the ocean to pick her up. Xiaojuan is angry. After returning home, she will have a few fights. After exhausted, they fall into a cold war for a while. In most cases, its the little silk that cant bear to take the initiative to care of the ocean. For a long time, after their quarrel, Xiaojuan would say: since everyone is suffering, lets divorce. The ocean will be cold: whatever you want. Little silk was so angry that she couldnt laugh or cry. She thought to herself, divorce, isnt it cheap for him?? Dont leave. Its a tough day. In this way, the two people are neither separated nor able to consume harmoniously.

Their marriage is the portrayal of manic depression in modern marriage: when manic, one side is hysterical, the other side is not inferior or fights violently, and ends up with both losing. When depressed, one side complained bitterly or cried alone, and the other side swallowed up or closed itself to defend the cold war.

Manic depression, because it is an emotional mental disorder, is used to describe the emotional disorder of marriage. It not only expresses the form of marriage problems, but also explains the reason of marriage problems. Mania or depression is an individuals fight and struggle with his or her heart after his or her instinctive aggressive suppression. But God loves to tease people, and puts the personal instinct aggressive war in the marriage. He ties two people who are originally irrelevant and have their own family constructed personality quality and love hate complex together, so that they can either continue to construct and enjoy their personality and emotion building, or continue to vent their unresolved love hate complex wars. The result is mostly the latter. Their marriage life has become a lasting cycle of mania and depression, and their family has become a safe harbor for them to release hostility and satisfy their desire of love and hate. There are several points about its deep meaning.

(1) Mania and depression are the reversal of new relationship

The age of heterosexual couples is about 25 years old. At this time, peoples mind has become mature and stable. Their physiological structure and spiritual structure bear the blood and cultural gene quality of their families. When looking for a new partner, its when the individuals taste constructed with the original family is activated, its easy to find the other half according to the inner ideal. When in love, both sides can be attracted by the qualities they yearn for in each other and enter into a sweet and symbiotic love life. If we get married soon, when we suspect, misunderstand and and blame each other for trivial matters, the war will begin. In the first five years of marriage, if their characters are not mature enough, the war will turn into a cycle of mania and depression. Of course, there are also more than 10 years of quiet marriage, because of the same reason became manic, depression cycle. Manic depression marriage is obviously the disillusionment of personal emotional desire in the new partnership. Influenced by their own personality and complex, they push their new combined partnership to the relationship mode belonging to their original family. On the psychological level, whether the parties are in the original family relationship or in the new partnership is ambiguous, a state of chaos without boundary.

In the case of Xiaojuan, from her birth to the age of 5, she got along with her mother and her father worked in other places. After the father returned to his mother, he often didnt go home for various reasons, and the relationship between husband and wife has been very distant. Little silk felt her mothers deep loneliness and sadness since she was a child. She didnt feel much about her father. She was strange when she got along with him. In this kind of mood, there are hidden resentments against the fathers abandonment of the mother and daughter. Therefore, in the deep heart of Xiaojuan, there is a lack of symbiotic dependence and fantasy, as well as two-way feelings of love and hate for heterosexual parents. When choosing a lover, Dayangs honesty and steadiness are enough to give her a sense of trust in her emotional home, which is the primary standard for her to find a partner. But after entering the marriage, she found that the ocean was not as reliable as she imagined, so selfish (he only cared about his parents, regardless of her feelings), indifferent (he didnt go home at night playing cards). When her mind returned to love, she felt that the ocean had the power of her ideal fathers love. She is very attached to this kind of being loved, reluctant to give up the feelings that once existed or still exist. Back to reality, the silence of the ocean makes her feel lonely and angry. Unexpectedly, her manic symptoms pushed the ocean to a more silent and evasive state. In their new relationship, Xiaojuan undoubtedly experiences the sense of fluster between her mother and her father, between herself and her parents in her original family.

Before marriage, Dayang was infatuated with Xiaojuans lively, cheerful, gentle and simple femininity, and immersed in the happiness of finally finding her beloved. After marriage, he constantly felt the narrow and acerbity from Xiaojuan. What he couldnt bear most was her hardness and indifference to her parents. Gradually, the interactive mode of mutual attack and counter attack is opened: the calm and silent response mode of the ocean, in their relationship, constantly evokes Xiaojuans unsafe experience of indifference and abandonment. It seems that she can only deal with his parents with anger and indifference, and then she can understand her hatred of indifference. The ocean retaliates for the damage Xiaojuan did to his parents by refusing to go home or turning a blind eye to your cold attack.

It can be seen from this that their pairing is very similar to that of men who are still in the state of sons looking for mothers and women who are in the state of daughters looking for fathers. This kind of pairing may be very harmonious, but it will happen sooner or later due to their immature personality. At the beginning of a relationship, whether they are aware of their own defects or not, they subconsciously want to get something that they cant get from their parents. What they are looking for is their parents. But he / she in the marriage can never be the ideal father / mother. When one side cant continue to feel the love of the other sides parents, or the other side has fully demonstrated the cold, nagging and control of the other side, the new connection will start to change to the qualitative or fission.

From infatuation to marriage, partners have rapidly changed into the original family style intimate entanglement mode. They are constantly manic, depressed and unable to get out of the marriage, which is like a kind of controlling relationship, which is constantly rationalized and disordered. Behind it, it reflects the internal mode of controlling and anti controlling with their original parents in their own personality.

(2) Manic depression is an internal injury

As an emotional mental disorder, manic depression patients, the disease in his emotional, sensory damage. Mania and depression all indicate that a person has aggressive inhibition of frustrated basic desire and expression in early stage, and the bad feelings imprinted in the body will form some personality traits, such as prudence, irritability, loneliness, etc. In marriage, the mutual suspicion, tracking, complaining and violence of husband and wife are all manic symptoms, a kind of prominent war. Both sides are like powder packs that have been stuffy for a long time. Once they meet the fuse, they will start fighting immediately. If their mania is even, it means that they feel almost hurt each other. What was it that was hurt? It must be fragile self-esteem. When both sides were tired and rested for a long time, mania came back again, and both sides were willing to fight, indicating that they were not lightly hurt, and felt that they were wronged and the other side was too cruel. Both of them are uncompromising, which means they are defending their right and expressing their anger that their fragile heart is stabbed by you.

(3) Manic depression is an emotional need

In the war of marriage, mania and depression make the conflict white hot, and the relationship falls into a state of hostile symbiosis. At this time, if the marriage is not terminated by normal or extreme ways, both parties can find some satisfaction in the relationship. At least they can feel some pleasure in each others failure and find provocative targets in each others mistakes to satisfy their desire for attack.

Mania and depression can also reflect the deeper emotional needs of couples. For example, in the case of Xiaojuan, her desire for harmony and love for her parents from childhood was partially satisfied in the parent relationship in the ocean; her hidden resentment for her fathers abandonment of their mother and daughter was expressed to her husband in law ocean in hysteria in her marriage, and her unconscious desire to attack under pressure was satisfied. And Dayang, persisting in fighting back his wife with indifference, wanted to punish Xiaojuans emotional violence. Both sides do not abandon, can satisfy the desire for revenge, can also satisfy the dream of returning to the past sweet symbiosis.

Once a marriage enters the agony of manic depression, it cannot end the agony by breaking up, which contains win-win value. isnt it? It seems that only in pain can people have a legitimate reason to let out their hostility, which is a reasonable channel for individuals to solve the suffering caused by frustrated wishes. Its kind of like fighting poison with poison. In the course of mutual hostility, both husband and wife can not only get a certain degree of happiness, but also transfer all the responsibilities of their suffering to each other. In fact, many people are close to each other because of these benefits.

It can be said that mania and depression in marriage are two kinds of irrational expressions of peoples emotional needs. Good feelings are peoples needs. Revenge is also peoples emotional needs. What I cant get, dont think about it. you make me unhappy, I want to make you uncomfortable. its usually a way for people to vent their hatred. But it can be destructive if used consistently in close relationships.

uff082uff09 Treatment of marital bipolar disorder

Individual manic depression is treated with lithium. Neurogenic depression is treated by psychotherapy. Marriage manic depression, naturally through marriage psychotherapy. Of course, you can also learn self-treatment.

(1) Learn to coordinate disputes. Mania means active attack of anger, and depression means passive attack. Both of them show that the fragile hearts of both husband and wife are hurt by each other and are full of grievances. Knowing this, a truce would be wise. I was born with the same disease. Why should I hurt myself? After the armistice, we need to heal each other: first, we need to find out where the other sides injuries are. The surface scars left by the fight are not counted. You should confirm where the pain point is in the other partys heart. For example, have you been humiliated or cheated? Secondly, there should be a full exchange of views. If the injury is caused by misunderstanding or unconsciousness, it shall be resolved through clarification and understanding; the sincerity of compromise between both parties shall be exchanged to show that my injury is related to me, and I will be responsible for your injury. Such a posture can make people who are in sympathy with each other become healers of each other.

(2) Say goodbye to the old relationship. The main reason for the obstacles in marriage is that the original family did not deal with the complex well. In order to improve the marriage relationship, we must carefully evaluate the value orientation, relationship model and the influence on the current relationship brought by the original family. If you realize that your emotions are in the psychological age of children, you can talk to yourself: its time to separate the naive me and put down the original interaction mode of intimate love and hate.

(3) Recognize and change yourself. There is a reason for human emotion. There is no love or hate without reason. The emotional response of love and hate, to a large extent, is due to peoples thinking and intelligence. Both manic and depressed people and their partners in marital manic depression show poor mental level or personality defects. Therefore, the treatment of marital bipolar disorder, fundamentally, is to start from self-awareness and self-improvement.

Marriage is a containerized relationship system, which has too many responsibilities and requirements. Everyone in it should treat each other with sincerity: it can not only accept what I need from each other, but also give them what they want; it needs to accept the characteristics that I dont like but belong to each other, and it can also accommodate each others defects. This is the essence of marriage, both the reward of love and the price of love.