Xiong Ling: so concerned about other peoples eyes?

 Xiong Ling: so concerned about other peoples eyes?

Xin, you can imagine the depression and heaviness of your mood by feeling the eyes of people around you like shackles. It can also be inferred (analyzed) that the reason why you seem to live in a shell indicates that you in the shell are still a weak young bird. I dont know who it is, what force has thrown you into the shell. I think the main task of getting out of the shell is to know who the shell is and who the people in the shell are?

Generally speaking, we all know that the shell means the armor to protect peoples body and mind, that is, defense. Since a solid protective layer is needed, it shows that the protected part is the most critical and weak part. Psychoanalysis holds that the shell symbolizes the uterus and shrinks in the shell as if it retreats to the uterus. As adults, they need to hide in the protective layer only when they are mentally injured, and they need to defend when they feel threatened. From the symbolic sense, retreat to the womb means that people are in a fragile and helpless baby state. But in Xins place, the shell seems to be someone elses eye. From the perspective of your feeling that the eyes of the people around you become your lock, your inner fear is directly related to the eyes of others. Vision is evaluation. Fear of other peoples eyes is not necessarily a problem in other peoples eyes, but a weak sense of self-esteem in the heart of the person who is afraid. In other words, there is a deep sense of inferiority. Only when people have a deep inferiority of self-image can they accumulate a high degree of sensitivity and worry about the external evaluation. It is this accumulated sense of worry that builds the shackles of the shell.

However, at this time, people are in great need of a protective layer. When anyone is as weak as a baby, it is natural to avoid it. The shackles felt at that time are not caused by the external danger (such as other peoples different eyes), but by the thick imprint of the weak self in the human heart.

Therefore, you in the shell and the shell are a person who feels external pressure and threat due to internal fear. To be exact, the relationship between the shell and you in the shell is the same. You are the child who is afraid of being hit inside the shell, and the shell is the childs coat which is not hit.

Further understanding of you in the shell, what are you afraid of? This needs to be aware of your vulnerability. In what ways do you feel inferior or insecure? When you are in the crowd around you - its the feeling of tension, worry, fear, want to escape, avoid, etc., think carefully about what I am afraid of and want to avoid? If vision is evaluation, then through your fear and avoidance of other peoples vision, you can see your doubts about self-image, and you are afraid that other people will see your bad image.

If we study deeply, why does a person think others opinions so much and fear the bad image in others eyes? This is related to the two kinds of treatment suffered by people in the past environment, one is the harsh, accusing and negative sex education from the environment and the foster; the other is the nurturing from the doting and overprotecting of the foster. The former makes people bear the burden of Im terrible in your eyes and the inferiority of inferior to others. Then in his later life, he will be highly sensitive to the quality of his self-image, especially to seek the recognition and acceptance of others to compensate for the pain of inferior to others. The latter, makes people lack a kind of ability of independence and separation from childhood. When he needs to have independent consciousness and ability when he grows up, he is easy to worry about the ability of self building relationship, and may be persistent or dependent on the need of being appreciated. I dont know what kind of interpersonal environment Xin has experienced in the past. In fact, those who pay special attention to other peoples evaluation have a prominent feature that they are afraid to say no and to reject people. This characteristic reflects their deep inferiority, in other words, their fragile self-esteem, because they are afraid of offending others and being attacked or hit.

Fear of other peoples eyes is not so much the fear of being denied, but the desire to be recognized as a weak self.

In life, there are many bad selves in the self, and these selves will join forces to escape to a place that outsiders cannot see or attack, that is, the deep heart, that is, the subconscious world. Only when you know whats wrong with you can you know what needs to be done. The direction must be to make some efforts to increase nutrition for vulnerability.

Specifically, we need to learn some life lessons. For example, if one of your weak points is to get used to negative thinking, then your lesson is to learn how to affirm yourself. You always have some advantages of your own, first learn to find yourself, and then constantly identify yourself; even if you are habitually good at finding yourself a lot of bad, if you are from the perspective of self affirmation, first learn not to complain, not to blame yourself for how so hopeless, and try to contain your own negative emotions.

To get rid of the shackles of other peoples vision, we need to develop two basic abilities: the ability to appreciate ourselves and others strengths; the ability to reject others opinions and demands. Of course, we should establish our own value orientation, which needs to find some of our own interest points as the goal of pursuit, and then realize it bit by bit. Only in this way can we separate and depend on (actually worry about) other peoples views, and have a source of self-esteem that we can rely on. If you want to see who I am through the eyes of others, and then you can be yourself, the only way is to grow your own ability.