Ma Yilis self love and Tong Liyas patience: how important is the role of father in marriage?

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 Ma Yilis self love and Tong Liyas patience: how important is the role of father in marriage?


Most of the flowers are pulled and cut with scissors.

Some wither before they open up; some work hard to bloom.

Its also marriage thats on the rocks. Ma Yili and Tong Liya have different ways of coping.

The former says do and cherish calmly, and thanks each others achievements timely.

The latters highest requirement for marriage is simply: just go home.

Why?

The answer is simple. The former is loved by his father and has a rich spiritual world.

She is lucky to blossom and bear fruit quietly in her flowering period.

Thats because her father nourishes her and loves her, so she doesnt have to be anxious or impatient.

But Tong Liyas back is empty. Her father carefully taught her to work more, serve Chen Sicheng more, and have a patient heart, so happiness will come.

Father, how does it affect our marriage?

A girl who has never been loved by her father has been looking for her father all her life

Two divorces, three miscarriages, several infidelities, the most beautiful 23 years of life, are entangled with two slag men.

Why?

She said: when I was six years old, my father left me, which made me very sad. I couldnt stand to see him again. However, day after day, he never came back, which also kept me away from the sense of security in my life.

Really printed that sentence: the girl who has not been loved by her father has been looking for her father all her life.

First, the view of men.

Hepburns performance in Roman holiday has brought him great success. However, he chose a second and third-line actress, Feiler, who is 12 years older than her. Feiler married three times and had five children.

Most puzzling of all, Feller has a perverse desire for control.

He did not accept any opinion of Hepburn, and completely controlled Hepburns food, clothing, housing and transportation. Every time he had a new play, he roughly cut out the parts he couldnt accept. Even Hepburns speech at the event must be controlled by him.

Everyone said that Feller was eccentric and domineering, but Hepburn thought that these controls were actually love. Not only that, Hepburn also reflected: Feller sensitive and irascible, because I am too famous.

So, deliberately hide their own light.

So she was pregnant with four children. By the time he was 36 and had four children, Ferrer was still cheating.

The girl who has not been loved by her father is always stuck in the mire and cant get out.

Its just that they either find a man who is similar to their father, or a man who is totally opposite to their father.

Why?

Because in childrens memory, father is like a shadow, which cant be grasped.

Such children, as adults, you may always hear them say that they lack a sense of security. In fact, the lack of security is due to their inability to develop these two relationships.

They cant feel relaxed and safe in close relationships.

Peoples daily forwarded such a video how a man describes his father in one word, and read the comments, but the sentences were heartfelt:

Yes, my father has cheated more than once and twice, but I feel sick when he is found out. Ive hated men since then, and its good for me to live alone.

After they were injured, in order to protect themselves, they wrapped themselves tightly and alienated others. At the same time, they alienated the real and profound warmth and love.

2. Worry abandoned

After Apricots marriage, for five years, Watanabe was willing to give up her career, choose a family in the golden age of the actors, quit the screen, and willingly teach her husband and children.

I didnt expect that when apricot was pregnant with a second child, Dongchu was busy cheating on the underage girl. The affair lasted for three years.

After being kicked and exploded by Japanese media, Dongchu kept in touch with his lover while making a turtle with his head down.

Its a pity that his father, who made great achievements, was almost carved out of a mold.

Apricots father is Japanese movie emperor Watanabe Qian, who is the man in the Memoirs of geisha who Zhang Ziyi has been thinking about for a lifetime.

After a successful divorce, Watanabe threw his apricot to his mother and flew to the United States to marry his junior. After that, apricot dad was completely out of touch

Why does she pay for her family wholeheartedly and endure it again after being injured? Many people will form a wrong cognition in the process of getting along with a absent Dad: dad doesnt love me, its that Im not worth being loved, and other people wont love me.

This kind of cognition has an invisible influence on every intimate relationship between them. They are afraid that others will think they are worthless and stay away from them.

To this end, they may continue to pay to prove their value, and continue to forgive to retain a love that no longer exists.

Can not let go, but because of the little warmth of greed.

What those dads didnt give them, some people spent their lives looking for, but they couldnt find the lost fatherly love after all.

02

Youre not looking for Dad, youre looking for yourself

One scene in Watanabes documentary left a deep impression on me.

Looking at her playful daughters, the staff were curious: what do you see?

Apricot was silent for a long time, saying: compared with the same road, its better to be different. If I have another choice, I will still choose a different route. Its like finding this impasse, but as long as we move forward step by step, there will always be a day to reach the goal and the top of the mountain.

I dont belong to smart people myself. There are many times when I take a detour. If I compare rabbits with tortoises, I am definitely tortoises. But I dont give up. Never!

Yes, it really affects our intimate relationship that my father didnt love us well.

We cant choose our dad, how we were treated when we were young, but how we deal with trauma, how we manage our current relationships.

Some people indulge in the pain of the past, think that everything is the responsibility of the original family, waiting for the salvation of others.

But there is another option, to put the past in the past, to stand on the present and to look forward to the future.

First, the ability to distinguish between the past and the present

How does a native family affect a person?

In essence, the past always exists in the present.

The ability to restart means that one can distinguish between the past and the present and consciously reduce the impact of the past on the present.

She did a reboot by changing her name.

You can also test your beliefs to distinguish between the past and the present.

For example, men are unreliable. Never rely on others.

For example, I always mess up everything and have no ability to manage relationships.

For example, when others see the real me and find my vulnerable side, they will leave me.

Seeing faith is the first step to change.

Because it means that you can stop, think about new ways of coping, and have new choices, not just automatic response machines for past beliefs.

Second, the ability to grieve

The ability to grieve is to say that we need to admit that we cant find our lost fathers love.

Its a sad thing to admit. You may be angry and hate. It doesnt matter.

Its important to find your resources and strength in the process of anger and resentment.

And going through sadness also means that you are no longer the hopeless and helpless child psychologically, but an adult who can be responsible for yourself.

I like the saying of psychologist Satya very much:

Satya believes that people are born three times.

The first time we are born, we have enough resources;

But at the second birth, resources begin to be covered up;

You have enough internal resources. When you are willing to see, you will find that it is always there.

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