In 2009, I just came to work in Beijing, when I lived near Xizhimen. One day, when I came out of the subway station from work, a sales lady stopped me.
She said to me, we have a new development here. You really should buy it. You look so young. You should not have bought yet!
And gave me a flyer. I said to her, I really havent bought a house yet.
She said, then buy one. There are dozens of small apartments with an area of 20000 square meters. You can afford it!
I used to work in real estate development for many years. At that time, I thought the price was outrageous, so I went home and threw the flyer in the trash.
At that time, I had the opportunity and the ability to buy. Later, you know the house price in Beijing, and I regret it. This has taught me a lot, that is:
How does regret come into being?
With my personal experience, maybe many people have similar regrets. So, lets move on to the main topic, lets talk about how regrets come into being?
Later, when I studied marriage and family therapy, I learned similar knowledge, which confirmed this sentence.
For example, there is no word for Sadness in a nations language. When they encounter the meaning related to Sadness, they only use sick to express it.
For example, there are many words expressing the state of ice and snow in a national language, but there are not many words describing the state of high heat.
Our nation, it seems, has a lot of words to express guilt, because there are so many words related to self blame and guilt in our culture.
For example, pity may be more regrettable than pity, more regrettable than regret, more regrettable than regret, more regrettable than regret, more regrettable than regret, more regrettable than regret, more regret than regret may be regret for life.
Further more, it is regret, which may be more regretful than regret, more regretful than regret, more regretful than regret, and more regretful than regret, which may be regret for life.
So you see, in fact, the words about regret in our culture are very heavy.
If we think about these words carefully, we will find that they are all secondary emotions (for details of basic emotions and secondary emotions, you can click to read this set of rules, cure your emotional anxiety).
If they are further distinguished, the basic emotions in each vocabulary are different.
For example, in regret, in addition to regret, there is also regret, which has the elements of anger and hate.
So this is the process of emotional deepening. We need to learn to distinguish what our emotions are, and then deeply analyze each secondary emotion into the basic emotions.
Because the generation, mechanism and influence of every secondary emotion are different.
Today, the theme of regret is relatively easy to understand.
The basic emotion of regret is a mild aversion to oneself. It is a little self reproach because of the feeling of hating oneself for not doing a good job.
This is an unpredictable event for my regret that I didnt buy a house in the second ring road of Beijing in my early years.
I think many people have the same experience of the son wants to be raised but the relative is not there.
For me, whenever I think of my grandma, I will regret that she has passed away. Because her death is an unpredictable fact, there will be an element of regret for missing opportunities.
At the same time, there will also be self accusation, that is, there will be places where I think I could have done better.
The difference between the two is that we really need to analyze the regret part.
The emergence of it, let us live in the present better, let us look at a thing when we can measure whether we do well enough in this thing.
However, the self blame caused by regret has a negative and negative impact on us.
Because when we blame ourselves, we tend to feel more inferiority, that is to say, for some people, the more we blame ourselves, the more we regret it, or even give up completely.
Therefore, this regret can exist, but self blame really needs to be adjusted.
I can give you a specific example of the negative impact of this regret.
Things like her are unhealthy. Because the regret in this situation is not only her dissatisfaction with herself, but also more self blame.
She didnt want to lose her temper. She knew it was wrong, but she just didnt learn how to keep the flexibility of her emotions and how to keep her emotions in a controllable range, which led to a negative cycle.
My own experience is that the generation of regret is very complicated. And my own experience is slowly changing.
I dont want to regret any more. I want to live a life without regrets.
So Ive made a lot of changes since that day. Since then, I have been very satisfied with myself today.
At present, there are few things that I regret, because I will do everything in my life seriously and try my best to do everything to the best.
Of course, too much is not enough, people should also be able to realize their own finiteness, that is, I will try my best to do many things, but at the same time, I can accept that in some things, I can accept that I am limited, so that when the two aspects are balanced, a persons regret is not easy to produce.
What to do when you feel sorry?
Here are some effective ways to share personal test:
1) Action is a good medicine. We must put our ideas into action.
So the first skill to let yourself not regret is to let yourself do it and really act.
Because I once talked to a high person, and I regretted not having started the WeChat official account early.
Everything is the best arrangement. If you didnt do it then you must have done something else that is more important to you. Its just a persons choice.
So I started working on WeChat official account very soon, so now I have met you.
You need to focus on what you can do at this time, instead of focusing on the past or the future.
For example, on my thirtieth birthday, one of my wishes is to quit smoking. And I havent smoked a single cigarette since that day. And I dont believe I will, because Ive figured out what smoking is all about.
For example, instead of indulging in the regret of smoking in the past, I should start to quit smoking immediately from then on.
Change what we can and accept what we cant change.
Take smoking as an example. My lung health can be improved after I quit smoking, so it can be changed by quitting smoking.
However, there are some things we cant change, such as the departure of relatives.
In addition to the sad, we should make our own life better, so that in fact, the relatives who leave will be happy for us.
In addition to the above three aspects of mind building, I also want to share a brocade bag.
Ive spent a day making a list of what I really want to do, which I call the dream list.
In listing, I made the following assumption to myself: if money and time are not problems, what do I want to do most?
This chart is still locked in my drawer. I will take it out from time to time to check the direction of my actions. So now I really live a life without regret.
Its a wonderful feeling, so I would like to share my experience with all my fans, because its worth everyones experience to cultivate myself to be a regretless person.
Life is a lot of multiple choice questions, either left or right.
For a period of time, there is a limit to what you can do. You make a choice, which often means you give up another choice.
The above is the theme of this article. We analyzed why a person regrets, and shared how to make himself no longer regret.
I wish every reader a life of no regrets. There is only one time in life. To live a life without regret is the pursuit of life.
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