November 11, 2015, singles day.. At a police station in Lanzhou, I met Chen Mei, who had just finished her 42nd birthday. Its like singles day, isnt it? This festival is my festival, because both men are gone and my daughter is gone. With that, she began to cry as she tore at her hair and clothes.
In the past six months, two men have died in front of Chen Mei
Meet true love but cant divorce, this is life
These two men, one is Chen Meis husband, Zhang Chengfa, and the other is her lover, Du Guohua. In an interview on November 11, 2015, Chen Mei said: the person I hate most in my life is Zhang Chengfa, and the person I love most is Du Guohua...
One day in March 2013, at a university reunion, Chen Mei and Du Guohua, who had been secretly in love with her in college, were separated for a long time and met again. It was thought that after 17 long years, Du Guohua had been as potbellied as other male students, but he was elegant, tall and straight, and still had the elegance and wit of his university days.
On the day of the party, Du Guohua sat next to Chen Mei. Regardless of other students jokes, he kept on serving Chen meijiacai. In the middle of the meal, I dont know who suddenly said, Du Guohua, you are alone now. If you liked any girl then, why dont you say it now? Chen Meis face turned red. At that time, everyone knew that she was secretly in love with Du Guohua, so Du Guohua looked at her and said, ah! I regret that I didnt chase with my life! In fact, he is a polite person on the scene, but Chen Meis heart is inexplicably hot. When she left, she said to Du Guohua, invite you to have coffee some day. Du Guohua said, I was about to say please! Ill have a good chat some day, and Ive always wanted to know if youre doing well.
All these years, Chen Mei has had a bad time.
In the summer of 1996, Chen Mei graduated from university and stayed in Lanzhou. Du Guohua went to Guangzhou, and there was no news from then on. In fact, staying in Lanzhou also feels like being in a foreign country. My father, who has been in a bad mood for most of his life, went home. My mother waited on him. I didnt want to see them, so I couldnt go back home. Chen Mei once complained to her friends like this. After graduating from college, her colleagues and relatives introduced many objects to her. Chen Mei got only one conclusion: men really dont have a good thing! But a male colleague who had a brief relationship with her thought that Chen Mei was too clingy and careful to please men.
In the winter of 1999, Chen Mei was introduced to meet Zhang Chengfa, who works in a private enterprise in Lanzhou. Zhang Chengfa, a native of Lanzhou, is 4 years older than Chen Mei. He looks honest and honest. He fell in love with Chen Mei at first sight. Chen Mei also has a good impression on him. Four months later, they got married.
But shortly after her marriage, Chen Mei cried to her friends that she was blind and married the wrong person. Shortly after her marriage, her salary card was confiscated by Zhang Chengfa and only 300 yuan of pocket money was given each month. After giving birth to her daughter Jiajia in 2000, Zhang Chengfa would beat her after drinking, saying that she didnt give birth to a son to Zhangjia. When his father was ill, Zhang Chengfa took out all their savings of 60000 yuan. But in 2003, Chen Meis mother was seriously injured in a car accident, and Zhang Chengfa didnt even want to take 10000 yuan. They often argue about money, and Zhang Chengfa often fights and kicks Chen Mei.
But in Zhang Chengs words, their life is another scene. After getting married, Chen Mei takes charge of Zhang Chengfa very strictly. When she comes back from work late, she will constantly interrogate him. As long as he receives a call from a woman, Chen Mei will cry and make noise, and conclude that Zhang Chengfa has a woman outside. Chen Meihua has no idea about money. If anyone in the company gets married or has children, she will raise money if she is not familiar with them. She can lend money to others and cannot make ends meet every month. Zhang Chengfa confiscates her salary card. Not long before Chen Meis mothers car accident, Zhang Chengfa once offered 50000 yuan to decorate the house for her mother-in-law. At that time, she didnt take it until she had no money. To this end, Chen Mei concluded with a sentence: anyway, Im doomed to marry an asshole man!
Unconsciously, Chen Mei and her husband gradually repeated the marriage pattern of her parents. In 2005, Zhang Chengfa found a woman outside and began to separate from Chen Mei. They divorced each other. But Chen Meis sister-in-law said, she is always arguing for divorce, but my brother really wants to leave, and she will not do it again. She didnt love my brother, but she was afraid to leave him. She always said that my brother beat her, but most of the time it was her behavior that was really outrageous.
Seeing the husbands illness, the wife twice gave up dialing 120
Zhang Chengfa, who doesnt work or earn money, gradually lost his home in 2013 and went to the hairdresser with his wifes money to find a young lady. This is what Chen Mei did not expect, and her husband theory was beaten, she proposed divorce. But Zhang Chengfa said that divorce is OK, the house and daughter are all his, and Chen Mei will no longer talk about divorce. Until March 2013, she met Du again.
On the third day after the party, Chen Mei and Du Guohua met again in a coffee shop. They learned that Du Guohua, who had already divorced, had left Guangzhou and returned to work and live in Lanzhou. This surprised and delighted Chen Mei, who also told Du Guohua about her marriage.
Chen Mei told her unhappy marriage over and over again, and invited Du Guohua to meet again and again, and even gave him gifts. Du Guohua, who is in the empty window period, gradually ignores the fact that Chen Mei is the wife of others and develops a lover relationship with her.
Du Guohua is romantic and gentle. He always changes tricks to make Chen Mei happy. This is the love in Chen Meis dream. Because the salary card was in her husbands hands, Chen Mei took over private work and earned more than 1000 yuan a month as a dating fund for herself and Du Guohua. But soon afterwards, Chen Mei became angry because Du Guohua never let her go to her own home, nor introduced her to friends, let alone let her divorce and remarry her. After the fire, Du Guohua broke up for the first time. Chen Mei apologized at once. She didnt want to leave him.
Zhang Chengfa, on the other side, is very comfortable with his wifes salary. But because they never exercise, they eat haisai every day. When they are over forty, they all come to visit. In the summer of 2014, Zhang Chengfa had a brain infarction. If his daughter didnt hit 120 in time, the consequences would be unimaginable. After that attack, the doctor repeatedly told Zhang Chengfa to go to the hospital for regular inspection, and to insist on taking antihypertensive drugs, especially to keep the mood stable, otherwise it would be troublesome to have another brain infarction. But he didnt listen to the doctors words. His weight went up. He should eat and drink. Chen Mei, who has a lover outside, never cares about Zhang Chengfas illness.
Chen Mei goes back to the living room again, dials 120, but hesitates again: in case of Zhang Chengs sequelae, wouldnt she have to serve him all her life and never make an appearance? To marry Du Guohua has become a luxury. Close your eyes, hang up the phone, Chen Mei closes the door of Zhang Chengfas room, and then goes back to the room to lie down. Because she took cold medicine, she fell asleep
At about 12 noon, Chen Mei was awakened by her daughters hysterical crying. When she got up, she found that the bedroom door was ajar. Her husbands head was stuck between the doors, and her body was motionless. She was shocked: after closing the bedroom door, did her husband ever open the door and want to climb out To suppress the tension and fear, Chen Mei called 120.
However, on the way to the hospital, Zhang Chengfas heart stopped beating.
No one found anything wrong, because he had a history of cerebral infarction. The husband and wife have been separated for many years, so its reasonable that Chen Mei didnt find out in time. Seeing her tears washed her face, Jiajia comforted Chen Mei: its not your fault. Neither dad nor I blame you.
In June 2015, Chen Mei called Du Guohua after her husbands May 7th. Knowing that she didnt contact herself for so long, Du Guohua asked Chen Mei to go home for the first time after her husband died of illness. The house was left by his parents and has just been renovated. My mother has been urging me to remarry and have a baby when Im young... Before Du Guohua finished speaking, Chen Mei jumped up and hugged him tightly.
At that moment, she thought that all the shadows had disappeared, and she would embrace forever happiness. Jiajia, her daughter, boarded at school and only went home on weekends, so from Sunday to Thursday, Chen Mei lived in Du Guohuas house. They lived like ordinary couples. He called her wife and she occasionally called him husband with a red face.
However, Du Guohua never mentioned marriage. This makes Chen Mei worried, and starts to ask him whether he has contact with his ex-wife? Is there a younger and beautiful girl who likes him? Unconsciously, Chen Mei begins to repeat her previous life style with Zhang Chengfa, but still yearns for love. Will she finally achieve her wish?
To love you is to kill you, the expression of love for a woman who lacks love
Everything looks good. Her daughter gradually gets out of the pain of her fathers death. Chen Meis work is getting better and better. The only trouble is that every night, Chen Mei would walk into the same nightmare again and again: on the bedroom floor, her husband was convulsing painfully, his eyes were fixed on her.
In the night when she was awakened by another nightmare and hugged by Du Guohua, Chen Mei finally couldnt help crying. She said all the things that her husband hesitated to call 120 for several times on the day when he fell ill.
Du Guohua suddenly jumped out of bed, ran to the door quickly, and asked Chen Mei with trembling, thats a human life, why are you so cruel? Chen Mei mumbled, I was full of you at that time. If he is gone, I can marry you! Du Guohua didnt allow her to cry and explain. He pulled her out of bed and pushed her out of the door. Chen Mei shouted outside the door: if its other men, they will certainly help me punish this villain... You are crazy! Its a scorpion woman! I dont want to see you anymore! Du Guohua roared in the room.
After a few days of calm, Chen Mei bought a computer for Du Guohua to win his forgiveness and sent it to his home in person. Du Guohua reluctantly accepted the computer, but said that he would go home to see his parents and let Chen Mei go back to his home quickly.
He accepted the gift and proved that he had forgiven himself. Chen Mei seemed to see the dawn of her love with Du Guohua. One night in August 2015, she went to Du Guohuas house again. He opened the door and cooked a bowl of noodles for her. Then, Du Guohua took out a medical record for Chen Mei to see. Liver cancer makes Chen Meis eyes black. I dont want to drag you down. Lets get together and get together. Du Guohua said quietly.
This is what Chen Mei never thought of, but she will not give up. After crying, she said, if you beat me and scold me, I will not leave. I will treat you! Du Guohua laughs bitterly. The cost of surgery alone is as high as 300000 yuan. He has just been in the company for more than one year, and his unit has not been covered by medical insurance. Ill die. Go find a good man. Du Guohua said.
Are you not going to marry me? The reason why I dont save my husbands life is not for you! I sell my only house for you! I hate Zhang Chengfa for not saving him. I dont have time to love you. Why are you afraid of me? She asked repeatedly, but only for Du Guohuas ultimatum: I will not marry you! How can I marry such a vicious woman as you?
Du Guohuas words broke all Chen Meis dreams. The man she fell in love with since she was 19, the man who was more important than her own life, even preferred to die with her. At a glance, there is a fruit knife on the tea table. Chen Mei runs to it, picks up the knife and stabs Du Guohua in the abdomen I dont know how many knives she stabbed, she stumbled into the bathroom and cut her left wrist with a fruit knife.
About an hour later, when Dus parents came to visit his son, they found this terrible scene and immediately called 110 or 120. When the emergency doctor arrived, Du Guohua stopped breathing. After rescue, Chen Mei survived and was arrested by the police. Waiting for her will be a severe punishment of the law.
On November 10, 2015, the day before the reporter interviewed Chen Mei, Jiajia, the daughter who learned the truth, left the school. No one knows where the 15-year-old girl went (all the characters in the article are pseudonyms)
Mental health supervision of Beijing spiritual home
Behind this seemingly extreme tragedy is the projection of many bad marriages. In contrast to Chen Mei, more women in similar situations choose to change or divorce. Because in todays society, as long as we are willing to change or even divorce, it is not difficult.
But Chen Mei didnt do it. This woman, who was not accompanied and loved enough because of her parents emotional discord, had a terrible growth experience. Generally speaking, it is difficult for children with such experience to have independent personality. They depend on money and feel that money can bring feelings and even everything. They like to attribute their mistakes to others. The root cause of not seeing the unhappiness of marriage is the extreme insecurity of marriage and the extreme dependence on the partner, which lead to the other side away from themselves day by day. That is to say, even if Chen Mei married Du Guohua, if she didnt make changes, she would still encounter the same bad marriage as Zhang Chengfa.
Chen Meis nightmares are hard to escape, not only the guilt and remorse caused by her husbands death, but also the fear that she, who has always lacked the sense of security, will spend alone in the future. So when she found out that Du Guohua, the last straw to save her life, would not stay with her forever, Chen Mei chose to die with him. For Du Guohua, his estrangement from Chen Mei is not only because of Zhang Chengfas accidental death, but also because of his gradual understanding of Chen Mei. After finding that such a woman would not be happy to live with, he chose to stay away.
Its not only one partys responsibility that marriage encounters misfortune, but both parties should reflect on and change. Divorce may not be the best choice if neither of them wants to change or cannot.