Why is there such a strong self denial? If you understand this problem clearly, you will be relieved, and you will be able to regain confidence and be yourself again.
First of all, emotional betrayal can make people feel strongly abandoned.
The construction of this logic is as follows: TA likes others, which means he doesnt like me, so I am abandoned. This kind of feeling, just like a person who has lost a battle, will certainly be downcast and lose confidence in himself.
In fact, as far as the field of emotion is concerned, there is no logic of abandonment. Such a concept is completely instilled by oneself. In fact, its just the betrayers love of the new and dislike of the old. Its the Betrayer, not you, who has the problem.
The other reality is that the vast majority of betrayers want to share the rain and the dew. They want to possess not only marriage and you, but also extramarital relations and interests. Thats all.
This is human nature - of course, human nature is divided into good and evil, good human nature knows how to control and not to hurt others; while greedy and selfish human nature, as long as it can be obtained, never considers the consequences and does not care about causing harm to others.
Therefore, it must be remembered that in the betrayal relationship, it is not that TA has abandoned, but that it is only the evil side of TAs human nature, which is revealed through betrayal. So, from the perspective of self denial, who do you think should be denied more? Of course its not you.
Secondly, there is something wrong with your evaluation source.
If husband and wife can love each other, they will give each other positive feedback on each others recognition, which is what we often call common growth.
Many people ignore an important problem: in fact, most of your cognition of yourself comes from the other party - especially those who are dependent on emotion and are not independent. When the other side says that he is good, he feels that he is really good; when the other side says that he is not good, he feels that he is nothing.
And in these evaluation systems, the most important, of course, is their love. The establishment of this system is actually a result of ignorance and insensibility of long-term marriage.
Then, here, you can understand the root of the problem: TA uses betrayal to make a negative evaluation of you, or you take TAs betrayal as a negative evaluation of yourself, so you can deny yourself so strongly.
Of course, because for a long time, this evaluation system has been deeply rooted in your heart. If you want to become confident, you have to learn to re-establish your own external evaluation system, whether its your colleagues, relatives, friends or yourself - at least, you need to break the previous evaluation system built on TA. No matter how they deny you, dont take it seriously. In fact, they just say it. In fact, they are just excuses to avoid their own problems.
Yes, those who betray their feelings are TA. They are so obsessed and confident. What else can you deny yourself? At least, you are clean and have a clear conscience.