Xiaofei and her husband are upset again because of small things. Xiaofei is used to cold treatment. She was going to ignore her husband for the time being, but when she was picking up something in her study, she accidentally found that her husband actually interacted with his ex girlfriend on wechat, which is not a day or two. It was like a bolt from the blue, which made Xiaofeis pain suddenly burst out.
After two people get married, Xiaofei always feels that her husband still cares about her ex girlfriend. But that woman can be called a typical dregs woman. She has a bad temper. They quarrel all day long, and cant divide or close more than ten times. The main thing is that she spent a lot of money on her husband and still owes more than 100000 yuan to him.
But such a woman, Xiaofei found that her influence on her husband was much greater than her own. For example, when Xiaofei saw the womens dress poster of a clothing store in the supermarket, she found her husband was surprised at that time. She didnt know what the reason was at first, but later she realized that the female models face was particularly like her husbands ex girlfriend. Another party, a friend ordered a special brand of red wine, my husband was not happy that day, the whole person was very dull. After careful inquiry, Xiaofei learned from her husband and friend that this brand of red wine was a must order wine for their previous love anniversary.
What makes Xiaofei more upset is that when he knew her husband, he just broke up with his ex girlfriend for a few months, and Xiaofei was pregnant by accident soon, so the two entered the marriage. In fact, Xiaofei was upset by all this.
Does husband really love himself? Or love his predecessor more?
There is an influential predecessor between them, how to manage the future marriage?
Threats from predecessors: testing the security of love
Many people have predecessors, and some of them dont go with marriage. At present, as a shadow that cant be driven away, no one can stand it and let go when the corner of marriage is falling.
I think Xiaofeis fear is not only the problem of his predecessor, but also his lack of confidence in his marriage. Xiaofei cares about her husbands interaction with her predecessor because she doesnt fully trust her husbands intimate relationship. Xiaofeis anxiety comes from her desire to completely expel her ex from her husbands life and heart. This extremely difficult goal will also increase unnecessary anxiety and pressure.
The security of love does not come from the disappearance of external interference, but from the internal construction. A confident person, is very difficult to be knocked down, and will not be like Xiaofei, because a little bit of small things on their own chaos.
Its OK for a partner to have a predecessor. First of all, its necessary to find out what the relationship between the partner and the predecessor is like. After all, being in love means that at least two people have a part of matching and blending. Ive met two people who quarreled. One side went to talk to his predecessor, saying that the former knew him better, and that only when they had a fresh relationship and few concerns could they speak more happily. Therefore, it is suggested that in such a situation as Xiaofei, we should first find out what the nature of the relationship between the predecessor and his / her partner is.
Secondly, find out what characteristics your partner has attached to his or her predecessor, and try to learn from him or her. There is always a reason that cant be forgotten. A partner can remember after marriage, which also needs to activate the memory. Therefore, instead of treating your partners ex as an enemy, its better to treat your ex as a teacher and learn from each others strengths in order to better maintain your current marriage.
About the author: Hou Wenjun
Special psychological experts in the column of enjoying learning of Sichuan TV station; expert committee member and deputy director of adolescent sexual health education base; special psychological experts such as China Education Journal and modern education journal.