Similar stories in life also show that what causes peoples pain is not peoples self-confidence and inferiority, but peoples views on things, some beliefs, some value orientation and other factors, which are formed by negative psychological hints and projections.
Many people will fall into a misunderstanding when they are faced with solving problems or suffering, and their solutions to problems or suffering are also wrong. For example, a scholar like Zhang would feel that he was in a bad mood and lacked confidence when he failed the exam. His relatives and friends may advise: it doesnt matter, dont be sad, just be confident next time. You may be accused: what you could have done well in the exam was that you were timid and unsure when it came to the key. This is undoubtedly the source of a persons pain, attributed to his inferiority and self-confidence. The key points that it helps to solve will also be how to strengthen peoples self-confidence. When many of our clients ask for psychological consultation, they also constantly express I lack confidence in everything I do and are eager to obtain a magic formula for self-confidence.
Ask yourself to be confident, or ask yourself to solve the problem of self-confidence, how to solve it? This is another language hint, which has a negative psychological hint: your problems and pain are caused by your lack of self-confidence (or inferiority), so you must overcome the inferiority. People around you are constantly telling you to be more confident and confident! Then, the picture of blue sky shrouded in haze, rainbow of hope disappearing constantly emerges in your mind. Psychologically, the concept of all this is caused by self-confidence, Im timid, I feel inferior is further internalized and strengthened.
The saying and practice of solving self abasement and self distrust is a kind of chaotic thinking and behavior that subverts the cause and effect of the problem and regenerates the problem. You will find that people who are trapped in bad associations are people who are constantly solving problems, but are constantly suffering, wearing a hat of self-confidence, but are strong enough to live. Even though Im tired of living.
There are several categories of these people:
1. People who are anxious and compulsive. According to the life sequence of the past, the present and the future, the present of anxiety and obsessive-compulsive people is living in the future, belonging to the kind of people who havent lived to the age of 100, but worry about 1000 years later. They are anxious about endless things and feel that they cant finish it. Their faces are always full of worries and sorrows. Their actions always seem to be urgent and restless. For a long time, anxious people lose sleep, and then he will say, because of insomnia, I am so anxious! For a long time, compulsive people are trapped in a strange circle of tangled thinking problems, and then he will say, because of compulsive thinking, I am so miserable!
What are they worried about? Why so anxious? These two types of people, on the surface, worry about trivial things in life, so-called trivial things. But behind the things that are not worth worrying about, there are their own unfinished things or complex.
These unfinished things, most of which happened in childhood, were caused by the frustration or depression of important wishes at that time. For example, a 6-year-old child who was bullied by his peers was dirty and hurt, and came back crying. The parents were furious and scolded: look at your cowardly and unprofitable appearance. At this time, the childs inner desire is to get the comfort of his parents, but what the child is actually despised, deserved self-esteem frustrated. If a child is in trouble outside, the parents will beat the child up first and scold the child. At this time, the childs inner desire is to get the parents understanding, or comment again, but what the child actually gets is the punishment, the humiliation grievance. In this mode, children often experience emotional frustration and resentment, and psychological trauma can not be repaired. Then, a feeling of discontent (or an unsolved regret) lurks deep inside. In other words, the strong emotional need to be understood will become a kind of complex. After growing up, this kind of person is highly sensitive to the opinions of others and whether his words and deeds are misunderstood by others in interpersonal environment. Sensitive paranoia is the basis of personality of anxious and compulsive people. Its extreme development is the so-called anxiety neurosis or compulsive neurosis. They are eager to be fair, reasonable and understood, which will become their lifelong pursuit in spiritual content.
Our common anxiety and obsessive-compulsive people do not understand what they are anxious about and why they are anxious. In fact, their anxious face and the feeling that they cant finish their work are a kind of personality response. Because of the early emotional pressure, or frustrated wishes, they naturally formed a spiritual drive and behavior orientation to protect their hearts from frustration. This driving force and orientation are vividly reflected in their thinking mode and working style.
For example, when they are faced with dilemmas, difficulties, risks and other issues, they will generally racked their brains and carefully analyze them. Thinking is based on the premise of dont make mistakes, dont make mistakes, dont be nervous. All actions strive to prevent failure. The most remarkable feature of them is that they see the difficulties too clearly, analyze them too thoroughly, consider them too thoroughly, and then make difficult decisions. Its behavior is defensive, and its orientation is towards the future that cannot be realized. Their inner reality is: worry about the future. Therefore, their real life is always busy, futile, tired and prone to insomnia.
People who are anxious about their personalities are those who are worried about their lives, and those who are bored alive.
The person with compulsive personality is a thinking type person who is thinking about what should not be thinking, and a person who is alive tired but has a lot of perseverance.
People with depression and phobia are such typical people living in their own shadow. Their inner structure is distorted by the shadow (the shadow part of personality), and their thinking is completely led by the shadow. Vividly speaking, the long shadow in the story is the ideal self of the patients with depression and phobia, which is tall and omnipotent; the miniature in the noon is their self abased and self depreciated real self, which is small, helpless and incompetent; they cant find the real self, and they cant understand the actual me.
These two types of people, because of their extreme insecurity, are particularly afraid of the loss of their important relationship and meaning of life. Therefore, there is a high degree of vigilance and sensitivity to being ignored and rejected, and it is very easy to receive negative psychological cues. Under the negative cues, it laments its own misfortunes, and then it is angry because of self hatred, and it is very easy to suppress anger. This makes them often appear moody and moody.
They use their past experience to see the world today. And their past, means the memory of tears, means the existence of all the unfinished complex. It is doomed that their inner reality is full of sadness. What they think and think is bound to serve the psychological reality. Their attention will be focused on defensive strategies, and their behavior purpose is to avoid being violated and hurt. Therefore, most of their thinking is loaded with negative words such as care, doubt, misfortune, fate, horror, in case, what to do, etc., and their mind often comes up with images related to these words. Therefore, their emotional orientation seems to be always addicted to the narcissistic state of self pity, easy to see the dark side of life, easy to feel the cold and desolate things in life. Its no wonder that in the field of art, some people with depressive temperament will create human sad stories with literary value.
For people with depression and fear, their way of thinking is retroactive thinking. They remember the memories that should not be remembered, the associations of the fantasy world, and the sadness of the shadow of the past. Their behavior is defensive and evasive, just like that of obsessive-compulsive anxiety, but their orientation is to the original place and the past. Their real life is filled with peach blossom tears, merciless flow of water sadness. Living, a little helpless feeling.
3. A paranoid person. There are many people who belong to the paranoid personality in life. This is a kind of high-profile, persistent people who seek up and down to defend their truth and never repent. They like to talk about right and wrong, like to be true, like to hold injustice, like to be envious of people, but they prefer to be angry with dissidents and dissidents. Although these are unconscious.
Occasionally you will see such paranoid people: they have suffered a little injustice, and they can spend ten days asking for opinions to clean up their own injustice. Some will pay 2000 yuan to win the wrong lawsuit for the 20 cents mistake. He will say that what he values is not the interests, not the money itself, but the tone of people. That tone refers to justice and righteousness.
A bigot is a man of one mind. In that tendon, there are only right and wrong, only your own fantasy and right. He doubted the correctness of other peoples opinions and did not believe that others would be as right as themselves. He looks at the real world with fantasy and subjective projection. His mode of thinking is polarized, linear, and very logical causal thinking. His behavior is mainly controlled and directed by that tendon. So he is simple and stubborn.
Paranoid people, who are easily excited and manic, are gifted in some aspects and can become outstanding people. We see a lot of successful people who are more or less paranoid - Im not perfect, but Im beyond that.
We often see that paranoid peoples troubles are: they will be confused by others mistakes; they will be anxious and uneasy because others dont understand; they will suspect that others have bad motives and hold a grudge; they will be annoyed and angry because they are refuted; they will feel excluded and isolated because they are rejected; they will feel sad and angry because there is too little justice in the world Anger
Happy people are people who know how to live, who are realistic and imaginative, who have sound personality and wisdom.
According to the life sequence of the past, the present and the future, only those who are happy are those who live in the present. His past is always the wealth of life. When he recalls the past, he can find useful experiences and resources that can still be used up to now. His future is always the direction of his life. His fantasy of the future is to inject more hope and power into the present. Memory, association, thinking and fantasy are all thinking activities. Only happy people can think very well. People who can think, life style is different.
In the face of the same situation or scene, people who are depressed and anxious will be sensitive to the risk that it does not actually exist, will associate with relevant images, and prepare for relevant countermeasures; happy people will feel the meaning of it, arouse new and different associations, and prepare to take meaningful measures. As reflected in the two scholars rush to the examination.
In the same hot sun, happy people will accept the function of light that can help the body absorb calcium; depressed and anxious people will be alert to the ultraviolet rays in the sun that will kill peoples skin and take defensive measures. With the drizzle, the depressed people will think of the mildews, tears and bad luck, and their hearts will be heavy; the happy people will think that it is the Pearl ribbons made by yuner, telling people that there are troubles in the sky, so they can accept their floating and sprinkling with their ordinary hearts.
In the face of the same competition, people who are depressed and anxious are always telling themselves: I dont make a fool of myself and dont make mistakes; what happy people think is: I want to compete and get good grades.
Facing the choice of marriage object, the depressed and anxious person will think repeatedly: is he (she) suitable for me? Is there a trap? Will he (she) change his mind? Its too late to make a choice; happy people will take into account: cherish the strengths and strengths of both sides, and accept the differences between them.
When you are ill, you need to take medicine. People with depression and anxiety will repeatedly weigh the side effects of the medicine, worry about the adverse consequences, and hesitate to take the pill. Happy people will choose the seven points of the therapeutic effect of the medicine, and also accept the three points of the side effects.
This is the difference between the happy and the troubled. Their thinking and behavior are different. For example, its like the Yangtze River has no end.
The truly happy person is the one with free mind. Even if there are too many bad habits, shackles and helplessness in real life, happy people can know how to advance and retreat, and can decide whether to own or give up. He knows his strengths and limitations. He knows when and under what circumstances he should do and what he should not do. He has the ability to modify his decisions, ideas or beliefs according to different situations and needs. His behavior is always active and constructive. He has a future in mind, but he can live in the present with his feet on the ground.