At this creation meeting, lacrosse took part in the sharing of offline creation meeting for the first time in Shanghai station, about the way of reconciliation with her father.
Cognitive upgrading points of this episode:
1. Growing up is finding misunderstandings
At the Shanghai station of the offline meeting, we saw a girl sharing a story about her original family. When she grows up, her parents will still hurt her and control her with verbal violence. Heres what she shared:
I heard Leng AI share how to tell her parents and how to do it in the meeting at Shanghai station, laches said. In fact, you have grown up, you have the ability to resist, but you still feel that you are the little girl in your heart.. This sentence makes me feel the same.
I felt that I was not confident all the time. I didnt pay enough attention to what I said. Then I chose to talk to my father face to face during the new year.
I said, why dont you always believe it? In fact, he just shows that he doesnt believe me, but in fact, he believes that I think he is used to that kind of language violence.
Thank you for sharing. First of all, you talked to your father, and you got a very good new discovery.
Growing up is finding misunderstandings
Next, clear up some small misunderstandings.
When we say this, its usually hard to get a good response. Because he is your father, maybe he really loves you, so he gives you a response.
But if you do this with your boyfriend or someone else, its hard for you to respond.
Just like we cant wait for a boat at the airport, you go to the wrong place and its hard to get the right result.
Of course, growing up is the process of discovering misunderstandings and improving them.
The first misunderstanding is always.
How many times has he, and which time has he? How is he, how is he always?
This is a big misunderstanding. Its a place to optimize.
When we communicate something with a person, we need to be concrete, very specific.
You can say, what did I do today, and whats the feedback you gave me, dont you believe me?
You see, there are two optimization points in my description. The first is to get rid of you are always, that is, you come again, you are always like this, how are you? this type of statement is very easy to cause misunderstanding.
Because it makes the other person feel that you are criticizing and blaming him.
Second, you always dont believe me.
This disbelief is also a misunderstanding.
You havent confirmed it yet. How do you know he doesnt believe it? After you confirmed it, he told you that he believed it.
So this disbelief is also your imagination.
Many times, we live in misunderstanding and imagination. We live in a misty forest. There are many misunderstandings, many misunderstandings.
You see youre sophisticating..
In fact, the other side was very confused. First, I didnt always and second, I didnt believe it. so he was also very ignorant.
A proper statement would be what happened, I want to know if you dont believe me? This is an appropriate statement.
But we usually pick up a knife, no matter how many times its three, seven, twenty-one.
This is very bad.
We should give each other a chance and ourselves a chance.
Your father may want to be nice to you, but his parents havent taught him how to express himself or how to talk to you well.
You think, if you had not listened to my lessons here, you would not have talked with him well, right? This is a process of change.
You have to give him a chance to change, give him a chance to express.
As your father, he should have the opportunity to be allowed to express whether he believes or not.
Its like learning a new stroke. It turns out that if you only know dog paddle, if you want to learn freestyle seriously, you will find it very awkward.
Every action is different from your original, but when you learn a new set of actions, you will.
So what Im going to share with you is a medley.
Theres a lot of mixing. Theres a mixture of various masters, such as John Gottman, who talk about how not to blame, who talk about emotions, who talk about Nonviolent Communication, and who have different schools.
A former classmate shared: I told my son that my mother has never been a mother, and I dont know what a good mother is, so sometimes she does something that may make you feel bad. Im sorry. I hope you can point it out and let me learn how to be a good mother. At that time, my son was stunned, and then he hugged me and said, Mom, I love you.
She went on to share and said, because I think of this matter when my mother hit me as a child, I have always hated it, but I think maybe she is also young, playful and impatient, and she has never been a mother, so I reconciled this matter.
In fact, it is a very good thing for us to reach a settlement with our parents.
You may be a mother for the first time, a father for the first time, a son for the first time, a daughter for the first time. Even we can say that we are not very experienced.
Its really hard to be a human being, not to mention to do such a difficult task for the first time.
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