There may be many commonalities, but one of them should be the most important, that is, people who can come out after experiencing betrayal are usually people who are indifferent to feelings.
When this conclusion is put forward, there may be many people against it, but this is the reality.
The opponents, of course, still hold the repair concept. They think that the feelings that have experienced betrayal can be repaired, and the feelings that have been repaired can be as they were, even deeper than the previous feelings - it cant be said that this is a kind of paper talk, but its a bit divorced from reality. Divorce does not mean that the relationship will be restored as before. If you are willing to accept the reality, the more objective conclusion should be: it is difficult to return to the past after a betrayal of marriage.
The starting point of repair theory is still based on feelings, so under repair theory, people who have been betrayed will be encouraged to invest more feelings in the relationship - if double investment can repair the original, it will be worth it; but what if it cant? The result must be that the more you put in one, the more you hurt yourself. In other words, the way of double devotion to feelings has little effect in dealing with betrayal, and can not solve their own pain and problems.
If you want to free yourself from the torment and suffering of a painful relationship, the fundamental way is to look down on and let go of your feelings.
The reason why a person or a thing can bring you pain is just because of their care and value. The more care, the easier it is to bring harm to themselves. The more value, the easier it is to create pain for themselves. This is a very simple truth, but in reality, many people are not aware of this deep problem when facing feelings.
If you can look down on your feelings after feeling betrayal, the pain will be greatly reduced. In fact, your pain is due to the importance you attach to your feelings.
In those marriages that have experienced betrayal, there is a common situation: as for those who have suffered betrayal, the other party has no use for themselves in life, neither for their feelings nor for their material interests, etc., but it is strange that many people do not give up in the face of the other party who has no use, why?
What you dont give up is actually feelings. However, this feeling is actually created by yourself. In other words, its not that you really have any feelings for TA, but that you care too much about feelings. What you cant let go of is actually your own care about feelings.
A person cares about feelings, of course, is not a bad thing, but we have to see where we place the feelings we care about? Who to rely on? If the reality has clearly told you that you cant rely on a certain relationship or a certain person, then of course, you should despise and put down the feelings that are valued by the relationship and the person.
Why when we talk about dealing with betrayal, we often say learn to love yourself well. One angle of interpretation is to transfer feelings from each other to yourself, and put the trust of feelings back on yourself.
Why do we still say that after the betrayal, we should learn to look at marriage and feelings from the whole life, and look for the fulcrum of our happiness from the outside of marriage and feelings? The same is true. We should transfer our feelings to the outside of marriage - of course, not to say that we start a new relationship, but to refer to work, career, friends, children, and many other aspects Face, to place their feelings, let these become their new emotional dependence.
To be indifferent or to let go is not to let oneself become fickle and ungrateful, but to let oneself live more leisurely and freely without being tied up by feelings. Just as Buddhists despise life and death, but they are all sentient beings.