The night before yesterday, I received a call from my girlfriend. It was sad and angry that I complained about my husband and mother-in-law. The reason was that I lived with my mother-in-law.
Originally, she and her mother-in-law didnt live together, but her mother-in-law stayed at home after the Spring Festival in January because of the epidemic. The perfect impression she and her mother-in-law had had in each others hearts before was broken. To be honest, this is the third time I have received a phone call from my best friend after they lived together.
But since she lived with her mother-in-law, her husbands living habits, work and rest were all disrupted... She gradually began to get tired of her mother-in-law, and her mother-in-law began to pick her problems. Even she would feel uncomfortable in her own home.
It is said that marriage is the ultimate test of love, because love is a story of two people, while marriage is a family. The women who live with their mother-in-law are also telling us with their own experience that facing the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is really far away, fragrant and near smelly.
Live with my mother-in-law
Some dont want to go home, some dont want to go out
Five years ago, my husband and I took my mother-in-law home because of my father-in-laws death. Since she came, we can eat hot porridge before we go out every day. When we get home from work, we have dinner ready. Even the mother-in-law will help wash the clothes. On weekends, we will go for a walk and go shopping together to make her happy, so we will resolve the small differences and episodes in life.
Until I had a son, all harmony was broken.
When a child is born, there are differences in our care for the child. My mother-in-law always holds her grandson, but I dont think the spine of the baby has grown well, so we shouldnt hold him often. But my mother-in-law misinterpreted what I meant, thinking that I was keeping her away from her grandson.
The child is four years old, and the mother-in-law still insists on feeding. The mother-in-law thinks that this is the love for the eldest grandson, but in the kindergarten, the son will not eat well by himself at all. But my mother-in-law cant say, and sometimes she goes to complain with her relatives.
The most terrible thing is my husband, maybe because there are two women around his son. He is not at all interested. Let alone change diapers. Since his son was born, he hardly touched his son, saying he would not.
In this way, Im really worried that he will miss his sons growth. I often complain about him because of these scattered things, which leads to less and less communication between us now.
Im tired at work. Coming home from work is a scene of uncontrollable sadness. I really dont want to go home.
@Spikelet, 34 years old, 8 years with her mother-in-law
I have a strong mother-in-law, everything must be as she wants, but I am also a strong daughter-in-law, just cant follow her heart. Every day in these eight years, we seem to be fighting against Japan.
My mother-in-law is in charge of the money.
Im not a woman with a desire for money, but when I need to buy something big for my family and ask my mother-in-law for money, there is always a feeling that money is not earned by me. After discussing this problem with my husband several times, my husband thought that if I gave money to my mother-in-law, she would feel safe, but he didnt really think about my needs. I dont know if the money in my husbands pocket is enough to buy a bag of rice.
When I met a strong mother-in-law, I began to wonder if I had found a man with a mother treasure to live for 10 years. These years, I look at my mother-in-laws face every day. Fortunately, I am not a soft persimmon, or I really dont know how to continue.
Now, I dont just want to go home, or even start to want to escape.
@Sunny day, 29 years old, 3 years with my mother-in-law
I have been living with my mother-in-law for three years, and my relationship with my husband has become increasingly weak. At first, my husband and I would often fight in the living room and say sweet words. When my mother-in-law saw it, she would look very bad, even angry, and slam the door. Over time, my husband and I began to notice that we would not flirt in front of my mother-in-law, or even have a feeling of cheating in our own home.
Later, what made me more puzzled was that my mother-in-law often called her husband to chat with her in her room very late. Every weekend, she had to accompany her to the seven aunts and eight aunts home and go to the park.
And at home, most of the time is to see me unhappy, extremely double standard. My husband sleeps late on weekends because he is tired from work and needs to rest. My late start on weekends means that I cant take care of people or even cook.
I thought my mother-in-law might have had the illusion that I had robbed her son and made her start to be hostile to me. However, after three years together, the hostility became deeper and deeper, and my husband and I got along less and less.
@Xiangxin, 42 years old, has lived with her mother-in-law for 10 years
Since I got married, I have lived with my mother-in-law. People always ask me if I am tired of living with my mother-in-law? I really want to say, not tired at all, but too relaxed.
For so many years, my mother-in-law has managed our home in order. My husband and I will find my mother-in-law first when we go home. Only when she is at home can we feel at ease.
I remember that when I was just married, my life experience was almost zero. Once when I was cooking, I almost lit the stove. The fire was getting fiercer and fiercer. I went to get the water and wanted to put it out. My mother-in-law immediately stopped me when she saw it. She quickly took the bath towel and wet it. Then she put out the fire. I turned around and gave me a hug and said, Im scared, kid. Its OK. Mom is here.
My mother-in-law also told me not to tell my husband about it, so that he would not be angry. My mother-in-law is very warm. She has been like this for 10 years. As long as its about anything at home, with her in, it can always be properly solved, with her in, I can be down-to-earth.
Every time I travel for work, what I miss most outside is my mother-in-laws good cooking and her warm embrace. On the rest day, I dont want to go anywhere, just want to stay at home with my husband and mother-in-law. Listen to her tell young stories and learn the tricks of life.
@Yan Ling, 36, has lived with her mother-in-law for 4 years
I lived with my mother-in-law since I had a baby. Because of the busy work, I went to work soon after the birth of a month. I had to ask my mother-in-law to help me bring my baby. Unexpectedly, it was four years ago.
Because its mother-in-law who brings her baby, so she has a better relationship with her mother-in-law. When she was more than 2 years old, she didnt let me hold her and didnt sleep with me at night. For this reason, my mother-in-law explained to me several times. She said, baby is too small now, because she sees me every day, so she is kind to me. You dont need to get angry. The baby will always be the closest to her mother, and the baby will be bigger.
In fact, I know the truth, and I didnt get angry, but after my mother-in-law comforted me, I didnt even have that little loss, only thanks. If there were no mother-in-law, I dont know what life would be like after having a baby.
Many people say that after living with my mother-in-law, I have no space for myself, but my mother-in-law has always made room for us. Occasionally I get together with my girlfriend at home. My mother-in-law always excuses us to go shopping and let us have fun at home. In fact, we all know where my mother-in-law can go. She just wants us not to be constrained.
Im very glad that I have such a good mother-in-law. I will be more kind to her, learn like her, and become a good mother-in-law in the future.
There is no best way
Theres only a better way
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is undeniable. It has been a problem since ancient times. She comes from maternal love, from possessiveness, from social cognition.
Mother in law and daughter-in-law cant avoid all kinds of contradictions in life and concept because of their subtle identities and different positions. But every daughter-in-law may become anothers mother-in-law, and every mother-in-law has been anothers daughter-in-law. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law cannot be eliminated, but it can be resolved as much as possible.
1. Communication is a good medicine for all relationships
Whether its love, friends, colleagues or mother-in-law, communication must be the first step to deal with the problem.
After sorting out her emotions, my girl friend found her mother-in-law to talk with her about her problems, and explained her dissatisfaction with her. Her mother-in-law also opened her heart to say that her way may not be right, but its all for their good. It took them half an hour to clear up the misunderstanding.
There is no denying that communication can really eliminate misunderstanding.
If Nannan can show her mother-in-law the news that holding a newborn will lead to spinal curvature and explain her sons situation in kindergarten, maybe her mother-in-law will understand her original intention and change her way of pampering. After all, everyones starting point is for the sake of the child.
Its the same on sunny days. You can choose to communicate with your mother-in-law and tell her that you are not robbing her son, but want to take care of her with her son. You can also ask your mother-in-law if you are not satisfied with yourself. If you have something to change, you will be encouraged. Your mother-in-law will also be happy.
After all, as long as you are happy, nothing is a problem.
When many women enter into marriage, they secretly swear that in order to avoid the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and to enhance the feelings with husband, I will treat mother-in-law as my own mother, and also try to make mother-in-law treat me as her own daughter.
But I dont know that you can be the most real yourself in front of your mother-in-law, and leave all the bad temper to her, but you cant do that to your mother-in-law.
If possible, live separately with my mother-in-law. Even if I rent a house for my mother-in-law nearby, we will come at once when you need it. We will give you free time and space for ourselves.
If conditions do not allow, then you can filial piety but not shun. Communicate the principle issues as soon as possible, and make clear the boundary issues as soon as possible. In the same space and two different lives, you should respect your mother-in-law and strive for her respect.
3. Dealing with the relationship with husband is the key to solve the problem
It is said that the most difficult contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the husband sandwiched in the middle, but in fact, the husband is the fundamental factor determining whether there is a contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
South South will argue with her mother-in-law about educating her children. Spikelet will fight with her mother-in-law for eight years because her husband doesnt care about the problem of laissez faire. If the husband can make the mixture between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, then the situation will be different.
Only when you deal with the relationship between you and your husband, can you stand on the United Front to improve the relationship between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, better filial piety to your parents and better marriage management.
Other relationships can only affect our mood for a short time, but not our happiness for a long time.
What determines our happiness is our own independence and self-confidence, our understanding and trust with our lovers.