At that time, I was very anxious for them. Why cant I have something to say and explain things calmly.
When I grow up, I find that misunderstanding and being misunderstood are really a part of life.
No matter friends, lovers, family members or never met netizens, as long as its interpersonal communication, its impossible to avoid misunderstandings.
And many misunderstandings are really not due to intention, but some loopholes in consciousness, or psychological pits.
What are these pits?
1. Guess deviation
When we see something and hear something, we must have our own judgment and guess.
Some of these guesses are accurate, but many are biased.
For example, when a friend is with you, his face is not good, and he likes to talk and ignore. You may wonder if she is dissatisfied with you.
The reality may be that the other person is not feeling well, or unhappy because of something else.
This is the way we think in our daily life:
Infer ones internal motivation from ones external performance.
This is the habitual way of thinking of human beings. There is no problem in itself. The only problem is that you should always remind yourself that this speculation is not always right.
Spend more time and energy to think about it, if possible, to verify it, so that you can avoid many problems if you want to know whether it is right or not.
Avoid unnecessary misunderstanding of others, or being cheated by people who seem to be good to you.
2. Inner prejudice
For example, when you first get to know someone, you are easily influenced by the first impression.
Beauty is good, ugliness is evil.
This kind of beauty is the subconscious of justice, and it is a kind of prejudice.
Of course, the more harmful is the ubiquitous labeling behavior in life.
For example, Ta is very stingy;
He is a phoenix man;
Shes a brother-in-law and so on.
Label is an inherent cognition, so once you put a label on a person, you will use the existing concept to treat the person in the future life, and strengthen the concept through selective memory.
For example, we think that a person is stingy. If something in life proves this view, we will think:
Look, I think thats right!
And if the other side is generous in some things, we will subconsciously ignore or weaken this matter, think it is impossible, or just an example.
In this way, our minds will be trapped in their own prejudices, unable to break free.
If you want to be free from the shackles of biased thinking, you need to have a clear consciousness, which is to remind yourself:
Our views and perceptions of others only represent the past, not the present, nor the future.
There are many aspects of human beings, and they will make different responses in different situations. Therefore, it is important to discuss the matter on the spot and analyze the specific problems, rather than generalize.
3. You want what you think
When we communicate with people, we often have an illusion:
If you think its right, others will think its right. If you think its good, others will think its good.
This is what we joked about before:
There is a kind of cold that makes mom think you are cold.
This kind of illusion is called projection effect in psychology.
The most typical problem is that in some intimate relationships, you feel that you are paying for each other, and the result is more of a kind of injury to the other party.
Therefore, you feel very aggrieved, and feel that the other party is a white eyed wolf; and the other party is also very aggrieved, feel that you are in moral kidnapping, or mental control.
In this case, the key is to remind yourself:
Everyones expectations and preferences are different.
I think its good because Ive had experiences and experiences that make me feel good before, but other peoples experiences are different, which may not be able to identify with your good.
What you think is only what you think. Its better to find out how others think. Such a good thing is really good.
We have talked about maturity many times before.
There are many levels of maturity. In a relationship, an important manifestation of maturity is to realize:
You are not always right. You should be alert to your ideas and judgments.
When you can think like this and realize the importance of self reflection, many misunderstandings and contradictions can be avoided.