Today, Ill start with the cognitive mistakes listed in the book, and see what our behaviors and cognitive styles will lead children into thinking traps.
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It refers to that individuals are influenced by the behavior of the outside crowd, and their perception, judgment and cognition are in line with the public opinion or the behavior of the majority.
Conformity is not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes it can help us reduce our thinking time and bring convenience.
The phenomenon of blind conformity is not uncommon, especially under the trap of consumerism, people follow the trend of brainless rush to buy, crazy punch in and online Red products.
In the same way, parents report all kinds of interest classes and early education classes to their children, many of which are also the result of conformity.
When the children of friends around me learn this, my children cant fall behind. Its like if they dont buy a luxury bag or a tube of famous brand lipstick, they dont think they can keep up with the society.
In fact, think about it carefully, many parents may also feel that it is not necessary to arrange their childrens schedules, but they are not willing to worry about falling behind.
Behind the blind conformity is our anxiety. Anxiety makes us cautious. Anxiety makes us lose our personality. If we follow the public, we can comfort ourselves that everything is OK.
Black or white
To facilitate understanding, we instinctively divide everything into two parts, and represent the whole group with the extreme characteristics in the classification.
We often tell our children, its wrong to do this, thats right.
This original childlike way of thinking doesnt disappear when we are adults, because it is very labor-saving, but it will lead us to extremes.
Unfortunately, our society is constantly strengthening this way of thinking.
For example, the facebook of the characters in the TV series, the simple summary of various regions, countries and nationalities, the resulting map gun event, and the extreme voice of the keyboard man on the Internet.
This kind of thinking will make us form prejudice and become narrow. Whats more, British neuroscientist Tom Johnstones research shows that this kind of absolutist thinking can cause depression and suicidal thoughts.
It looks tall, but loss aversion is very common in our daily life. For example:
If we find 10 yuan in the street, we will be very willing to use this windfall to buy ice cream for our children.
However, if we have spent 10 yuan on an ice cream, the child accidentally drops the ice cream ball on the ground. Most parents are not willing to buy another one for their children.
The right way of thinking is: whether you buy ice cream or not depends on how much you think the pleasure of eating ice cream is worth.
If you think ice cream is worth 12 yuan to bring you and your children happiness. So whether the ice cream is on the ground or 10 yuan is found, we should buy it.
It is believed that the development of things will follow the linear trend, ignoring many important factors affecting the development trend.
If the child asks, Mom, when will the epidemic get better and when can we go back to school? What would you say?
However, just as the speed of virus transmission is increasing geometrically, the trend of improving the epidemic situation will not be linear, but will approach to the decrease of power function.
If we simply think linearly, we may never find the right answer.
When we encounter such problems, we can think with our children, list the changes in the number of people every day, make tables, observe trends, and explore the reasons behind them.
In this way, childrens inquiry spirit and independent thinking ability can be cultivated more than simply answering according to linear thinking.
Imagine that if there is a man who always dresses appropriately, enjoys reading books in his spare time, and likes to think about the problems in books. Is his occupation more likely to be a truck driver or a professor in a Shanghai University?
If your answer is Professor, Congratulations, you are also trapped in the illusion of scale.
Its called representative deviation in psychology. Its dressed appropriately and likes reading books. Its an old school intellectual image in our impression, so its not difficult to get the answer from the professor.
However, we have neglected the population base: the number of professional truck drivers is far higher than that of professors, let alone professors in a Shanghai University.
Maybe we can change our way of thinking. After an aviation accident, the inspection and maintenance before takeoff will become more strict, and the possibility of subsequent accidents is very small.
People are used to infer the whole picture of events with the limited information they get. And believe it.
For example, when children living in big cities see the superior conditions of their classmates around them, they always want to compete. They only buy apples for mobile phones and AJ for shoes.
Once parents dont want to meet their needs, they cry and think that they are right. The people around them are this way of life.
In fact, there are still a large number of rural people in China. If their annual income exceeds 4000 yuan, they can reach the poverty alleviation standard. Apples mobile phone market share in China is less than 20%, even in developed countries such as Europe and the United States is less than 30%.
I often use a sentence in the Great Gatsby to educate children and share with you:
In my young and inexperienced years, my father once gave me a piece of advice, which still haunts me today. Whenever you want to criticize someone, he told me, remember that not everyone in the world has the advantages you have.
I mistakenly think that many things are the same, and I am used to solving problems with my past experience and ideas.
Psychologist dunkel once designed a Candlestick experiment. There are pushpins, matchboxes with matches and candles on the table. The subjects were asked to use the objects on the table to fix the candle on the board wall.
The solution is simple: nail the matchbox to the wall and use it as the base to erect the candle.
We are framed in a thinking set by education from urination, and we should use the method taught by the school when solving mathematical problems.
If there is a super expansion method, even if the result is correct, the process will be deducted. This has put shackles on childrens thinking.
As a parent, maybe we can tell our children: you are right, this way of thinking is great! Just in order to get that damn score, we need to compromise and master the teachers teaching methods.
When a problem occurs, it is always the first time to try to find someone elses fault. And to vent their emotions, blame others, rather than thinking of rational communication to solve the problem.
When husband and wife quarrel or criticize children, will we use the way of turning over the old accounts to criticize each other?
For example, when a child comes home late, his parents say, where are you going to have fun? You are always like this. You have no self-knowledge at all. What should you do if something goes wrong?
In fact, what parents want to express here is their worry about their childrens late return, but they habitually turn it into accusation; turn over the old accounts; and rise to the problem of character without discussing matters.
For a long time, children are in such a repressive environment of mutual accusation, and they will learn to find reasons for their mistakes and blame others for the problems.
Maybe when the problem occurs, we can change a way of communication and express our emotions and needs: Im afraid that you will come back so late. Im afraid that something will happen to you. I can call home in advance when I come back later.
These logical traps may have nothing to do with identity and education, but they are human nature. However, it is not the same thing to turn a blind eye and be brave to understand. Only by reflection can we constantly improve. This spirit, I believe, will also affect children. Source: parents meeting Author: responsible editor: Shi Yue, ns3913
These logical traps may have nothing to do with identity and education, but they are human nature.
However, it is not the same thing to turn a blind eye and be brave to understand. Only by reflection can we constantly improve. This spirit, I believe, will also affect children.