Domestic violence man: after being beaten, I think I didnt do well enough

 Domestic violence man: after being beaten, I think I didnt do well enough

Domestic violence, a time bomb hidden in intimacy. What kind of misfortune did the victims of domestic violence encounter? In the face of misfortune, is it true that you can only admit your life? We talked to several women who had been victims of domestic violence, trying to restore their mental journey.

Information map. Photo by Tang Yanjun from China News Agency

Admiration, trust, dependence

Meeting in perfect human settings

The eyebrow bone collapses, the cheek is swollen, the forearm is bruised in many places For shunzi, a 31 year old girl from Northeast China, the love with her ex boyfriend Wang Bin is not a gift from fate, more like receiving a threat notice from hell

Born in 1993, this Guangzhou man, 5 years younger than shunzi, destroyed all his dreams and yearnings for sweet brotherly love by his violent beating.

But when I first met him, he wasnt really like that. Back in late October 2018, shunzi met Wang Bin for the first time through a friends introduction: 178cm tall, with black frame glasses, elegant demeanor, soft and delicate voice.

Soon, the two were all chatting: he can follow everything I said, and his behavior is very gentle. In January 2019, the two decided to fall in love.

From the past cases, people with the tendency of domestic violence tend to create nearly perfect human settings in the early stage of communication. Ding Juan, a researcher at the womens Research Institute of all China Womens Federation and director of Beijing Hongfeng womens psychological counseling service center, explained that people who are prone to domestic violence tend to deliberately show a gentle and considerate side and try to hide their emotions: we normal people should be angry, but they will be extremely intolerant, giving people a good feeling of temper.

Compared with shunzis trust and trust in Wang Bin, Yules love for her husband Li Ming is based on admiration.

Hes eight years older than me, and hes the master who takes me into the profession. Yu Le, 28, has been working in Chengdu for two years. When he started in 2016, Li Ming was Yu Les leader and teacher.

Im good at taking care of people and telling me how to do my work. In the impression of music, Li Ming is always meticulous. But what fascinates Yu Yue even more is his profession in his career: he said absolutely in the Department, there is no problem that he cant solve.

With admiration for Li Ming, at the end of 2017, the two entered the marriage hall.

However, both shunzi and Yule fail to realize that the beginning of this emotional story is brewing a stormy ending.

Case list of shunzi receiving acupuncture and moxibustion

Nude light, slap, syncope

Love in the medical report

Violence appears in intimacy. It is dressed in the coat of love, but shows its fierce fangs, pushing love or marriage into the cliff.

According to a survey by the all China Womens Federation, as many as 30% of Chinas 270 million families have suffered domestic violence, of which 90% are men. At the same time, 157000 women commit suicide every year in China, 60% of them are caused by domestic violence, and more than 40% of them are killed by domestic violence.

Shunzi and Yule are among them.

Since two years of marriage, the husband who once made Yu Yuebei feel care and admiration disappeared in his memory, leaving only the memory of domestic violence: he worked late, and my dishes were salty, which could be the reason why he beat me.

The most chilling thing for Yu Le is Yu Le, who just gave birth to his daughter and gave birth to a baby in early January of this year. Because the child cried in the middle of the night, Li Ming beat him again: I was just about to hold the child. He slapped me in the face when he pulled my hair. Then he beat me violently for more than 20 minutes. He scolded me that I would not take the child.

Yu Le cant remember how many times this kind of domestic violence happened.

After encountering domestic violence, shunzi did acupuncture and took photos of bruises on his arms

In the same misfortune, there is shunzi. In the middle of February 2019, shunzi returned to Guangzhou from his hometown Harbin after the Spring Festival. Wang Bin is the one who pushed the door.

Why dont you reply to wechat in time when you go home? Why do you go out to play every day? Before shunzis reaction, Wang Bin has pulled shunzis hair, followed by two slaps on his face, kicking shunzis stomach and calf..

The nightmare is not over. Wang Bin continues to drag shunzi into the bedroom, pushing her down on the bed and stripping shunzi of all her clothes, forcing her to take nude photos and videos. Then there was a long fight.

It was the first time shunzi fell under Wang Bins fist. Wang Bins fight resulted from his belief that shunzi could not be accompanied in time after returning home for the new year.

He asked me to report my whereabouts every half an hour. A message cant be returned for more than 20 minutes. As long as its overdue, its hundreds of phone bombings...

Wang Bins controlling desire made shunzi collapse, and even his head was bald: in order to kill my energy, he asked me every night to make a video call from 9 oclock to 4 or 5 oclock the next morning.

From February to June this year, Wang Bin almost once a week will carry out violence against shunzi, during which 7 times are more serious beatings. Shunzi also suffered from eardrum damage, eyeground bleeding, collapse of eyebrow bones, suffocation and syncope after towel covering his nose, and inability to lift his forearm due to severe twisting

The pictures are not related to the pictures and texts, China News Agency reporter Zhang Yong

Reflection, struggle, depression

A more difficult separation

At the end of June this year, shunzi fled the love relationship with Wang Bin. Looking back at her four months of violence, she regretted not having saved the evidence and called the police when she was first hurt.

In fact, everyone knows that there are only 0 and countless times of domestic violence, but when you are really in it, you will continue the relationship because you doubt yourself and are afraid of revenge. Shun Zi said.

In fact, according to the above statistics, nearly 100000 families break up every year due to domestic violence. But in the case of domestic violence, women will choose to call the police after 35 times of domestic violence. Only 9.5% of the victims reported to the police, and 90.5% of the victims did not report to the police.

In response, fan Chen, a lawyer from Beijing Jingshi law firm, said that on the whole, victims of domestic violence are reluctant to report to the police or seek legal help at the first time. First, they choose to endure because they have children and are afraid of affecting their childrens growth. Second, they live in fear for a long time and fear revenge for the perpetrators. Third, they lack legal awareness and think that domestic shame cannot be publicized.

Shunzi recalled that every time Wang Bin moved violently, he would kneel in front of himself and tell her: because I love you so much, I care about your every move. If you return my information 10 minutes earlier, wouldnt it be ok? In reality, shunzi did reflect on himself: am I not good enough? If I were more enthusiastic, would he stop fighting?

In a dialogue with four victims of domestic violence, reporters from found that all four victims said that after the perpetrator apologized and confessed, the victims reflected to varying degrees that it was their own fault.

In response, Ding Juan explained that this is a common victims blame psychology of domestic violence victims. Ding added that in this psychology, victims tend to rationalize the behavior of the perpetrator, believing that they are not performing well and are thus subjected to domestic violence. But in fact, Ding Juan said, no matter what you do, domestic violence will not stop.

But lies in the joyful heart, the child is oneself endures the domestic violence the biggest reason: endures endures, the child is so small, cannot have the father.

The threat is enough to keep you quiet. Shunzi recalled that Wang Bin threatened her with breaking up before: if you dare, I will send all your nude photos and videos. After Yu Le proposed divorce, he received the same answer: dare to divorce, your daughter, your parents, we will die together.

Data: a city level anti domestic violence shelter center in Qinghai Province. Its nothing to do with pictures and texts

Please say no bravely in front of violence

In front of several domestic violence, shunzi and Yule didnt want to fight back.

Is the alarm useful? He will come out after a period of detention. What about revenge? In response, lawyer fan Chen said: in any case, we should call the police immediately. When the self-help relief fails, we should immediately seek public power relief.

Fan Chen explained that some people questioned the usefulness of the police because when they did not understand the polices handling of a case, they would have different results according to the degree and situation of domestic violence, mistaking the police for ignoring the perpetrators.

Meanwhile, since March 1, 2016, the anti domestic violence law of the peoples Republic of China (hereinafter referred to as the anti domestic violence law) has been fully implemented in China. Article 15 also clearly stipulates that the public security organ shall, after receiving the report of domestic violence, promptly call out the police to stop domestic violence, investigate and collect evidence in accordance with the relevant provisions, assist the victim to seek medical treatment and identify the injury.

In addition to reporting to the police, the anti domestic violence law also states that the victims of domestic violence, their legal representatives and close relatives can complain, reflect or seek help from the perpetrators or the units where the victims belong, the residents committee, the villagers committee, the womens Federation and other units. Any unit or individual shall have the right to dissuade in time any domestic violence that is occurring.

After being released, if facing personal threat again, fan Chen proposed: you can apply for personal safety protection order.

According to the anti domestic violence law, in case of domestic violence or real danger of domestic violence, the applicant can apply for the personal safety protection order. The measures of the personal safety protection order include: prohibiting the respondent from harassing, tracking, contacting the applicant and its related close relatives and other measures to protect the personal safety of the applicant.

In addition, to resort to law for rights protection, Liu Changshong, a lawyer from Beijing Mogong law firm, also reminded that victims should first have evidence awareness, seek medical treatment in time after suffering violence, and keep all kinds of medical materials. If the couples relationship has been broken, they can sue for divorce in the peoples court and terminate the marriage.

In June this year, the noise of domestic violence from shunzis rental house alarmed the landlord. After the landlord helped to call the police, shunzi and Wang Bin were taken back to the police station. This time, shunzi applied for a personal safety protection order.

At this point, Wang Bin finally left shunzis life completely after several attempts. Yu Le is also preparing to sue for divorce.

(at the request of the interviewers, all the characters in the article are pseudonyms)

Source: responsible editor of China News Network: Geng Yiwen, nj6040