However, in reality, so many couples have no feelings for a long time, but they can still live together and continue to play their respective roles in the marriage. Why?
If the existence is reasonable, then, of course, this existence has its rationality, and this existence is not many in reality.
I dont know if you know that the standard of marriage law to judge whether to divorce is that the relationship between husband and wife is indeed broken. If two people dont have feelings, then the relationship is certainly broken - that is to say, the legal judgment on whether two people should divorce is still feelings after all.
But why, two people who have no feelings, are still unwilling to divorce or not?
The reason is not complicated: marriage is based on feelings, but divorce is not just about feelings. This is the real reason why many people are trapped in a marriage without feelings.
After all, marriage is actually a kind of system. This system allows two people to combine and determine a special relationship between two people in some forms. Then in this relationship, a lot of content is added, such as common property, children, etc.; and these added parts are difficult to deal with and give up outside the feelings.
In sociological interpretation of marriage, the point is that the fundamental purpose of marriage is not to protect your so-called feelings. The marriage system is only for the needs of social reproduction, stability and development. Its fundamental purpose is to protect the private rights of children.
In other words, a family is formed because of marriage, and a child is born because of the family. In this way, the society has completed the task of generational reproduction. If there is no guarantee of the marriage system, there will be no stability of the family structure, which will cause social problems. In the simplest way, who will raise the child? You should never expect to rely on human so-called kinship, tiger poison does not eat children, but people should Its no problem to poison and abandon children. Do you think so many people in the society, even if they have laws and marriage systems, cant do such things.
When you can make such an interpretation of marriage, you can at least release some problems: marriage is not used to protect feelings at all, in fact, it can not protect feelings; in fact, even if you are hurt or betrayed in marriage, it cant do anything
So, dont think that sticking to a marriage means that you have a relationship - whether a person has feelings for you or not, whether they are true feelings or not, in fact, they have no direct relationship with the marriage itself, not because they are married to you, but because they want to be nice to you, just to you; because they want to be nice to you all their lives, they are married to you.
For a kind of people in marriage, when two people have no feelings, they stick to the formal marriage and think that as long as they keep the relationship, they can be regarded as having feelings - this is actually a misunderstanding of marriage and feelings. In the case of emotional breakdown, you can not divorce for many reasons, but it must not be because of feelings. This sentence is left for everyone to ponder.
Many people want to divorce under a broken marriage. There are many problems that hinder them.
Among them, the most important is children.
So youll hear a lot of people say, for the sake of children, I will never divorce... Or divorced, poor child... Of course, it is necessary to make a distinction between them. Some people use their children to avoid problems because they are afraid of divorce, while some people really cant let go, so they choose not to divorce for their children.
How to distinguish them?
A reference standard is: do you live a positive and progressive life, really for the sake of children? In such a marriage, you still keep a positive attitude of superiors and even optimists, because TA knows that only with their own efforts, can they be able to afford children, can they give them happiness, and do a good role model of children - for the sake of children, and their words and deeds are consistent. And some people are negative and decadent, or complain and hate, they have energy on their own, and infect children. How can such a gesture really be called for children.
Another situation is material or property.
Marriage is a kind of binding. The most important thing is property. If the marriage is happy, two people are inseparable from each other. However, unfortunately, the marriage may be separated. If the divorce is complete, it will be separated.
You have to admit that many people just cant give up the loss of benefits and choose not to divorce. Especially those who are not economically independent, those who are excessively dependent on and care about material matters.
If there is no divorce in this situation, I have to accept a truth. In fact, in such a marriage, I also have income. This gain causes my own reluctance.
Another situation is dependence.
The long-term relationship between husband and wife will form dependence, including life dependence and psychological dependence. For those who are not independent and have weak feelings, divorce is the same as death, so they are absolutely unacceptable. So, their choice is often, as long as this person is still around me, I can live. Its like a person floating in the ocean, with a floating board beside him. No matter whether the floating board has thorns or not, it will hurt him or not, and he or she wont care about it, but he or she will cling to it. You forget that he or she can actually swim.
Dependence is the formation of a habit. For those who cant divorce based on dependence, the fundamental problem to be solved is to get rid of dependence, correspondingly, to slowly adjust their habits and change little by little.
Of course, there are still many obstacles to divorce, which vary from person to person. However, no matter how many obstacles there are, there must be reasons for their existence if you are willing to think in those cases where there is no emotion but still no divorce.
Some of these reasons are real, while others are just illusory.
Many people are limited to this kind of marriage and always feel very painful. In this regard, I hope you can understand and accept the following three points:
First of all, there is no emotional marriage, nor divorce, pain is certain, just the difference between strength and strength. You cant expect to be happy every day in a marriage without feelings. Secondly, there must be a reason why there is no divorce. What you need to do is to dig out these and see what are the real reasons and what are the false reasons; what you can try to solve; what are you really powerless. Then, you will slowly see yourself. Finally, since you choose not to divorce, that is to say, there is a reason to keep the marriage, and it is also a kind of satisfaction for you. In other words, in such a marriage, there is also income. Otherwise, if the marriage really makes you get nothing, you are afraid that you will leave long ago. Then, no matter what causes the failure to divorce, focus on the part you get, try to Ignore the missing parts.
The advantage of thinking like this is that you dont get tangled up, dont follow your internal friction, and have more time and energy to build and change yourself and become a better yourself.