Some people quarrel as if they were writing a composition. They talk about the cases of other peoples boyfriends and their performance over the years. They start from a small point and finally rise to the height of personal evaluation.
If you think about how mothers like to talk, you will know. From a smelly sock to the dirty and lazy person you are, how hard and hard she has been in her life, how she was when she was young, but now she cant enjoy happiness, what she did the other day, how tired she was, and no one cared.
This is a kind of accusatory communication method, which pushes problems to each other, and does not know how to bear the part of responsibility for problems in the relationship.
In fact, such a way of communication has no effect. All things should be dealt with according to the facts. Only one thing can be solved at a time, so that it is clean and neat. Never bring the influence of the past and the future into the communication of the present.
Step two: say how you feel and why you feel that way.
Compare the following two statements.
Youre late. Alas, Im in a bad mood. Im bored and anxious;
Youre late. Cant you go out early? You are a procrastinator, or you just dont trust me.
There is no doubt that the first way is good.
When communicating, we should try our best to say our emotions and feelings, and tell each other why we feel this way. If you label and complain to each other blindly, it will not solve the problem, but may also involve greater contradictions.
Men are more face loving, their self-esteem is too strong. Direct accusations are unacceptable. If you communicate in a straightforward way, or like the cold war. So you should pay attention to that you are communicating in the most difficult way for men. Its better to start to change a little more now.
Step 3: confirm each others feelings and listen to each others demands patiently
Many women are always domineering when they quarrel. I think sometimes its necessary to be strong to have an overwhelming advantage in communication. But they all ignored one point, such communication is invalid.
Because of the bad management of their emotions, so a breath of all the cruel words out. This time because of the emotional and temporarily lost their reason. Often in communication, forget to give each other time to speak and express.
In fact, in the process of communication, the most important reason why reconciliation or consensus can be reached is that both people should have the opportunity to participate in the dialogue. This is particularly important.
Step 4: say what you think and negotiate with each other calmly
Why do you think girls who are coquettish are more likable? Because the way they talk, often can say into the heart of men, so that men more easily accept.
Therefore, in the last step of communication, the key is to know how to say your own ideas appropriately, so that the other party can better accept your opinions.
For example: Im so tired today. Would you like to wash the dishes?
The command way of speaking is often: its your turn to wash the dishes today.
By contrast, do you feel a little uncomfortable after listening to the second sentence?
Its a very useful communication tip to use more open dialogue and less imperative tone.
To sum up the above four-step communication methods, lets take a look at the following examples:
Honey, the sofa is a bit messy. I have a headache after reading it. I dont like the mess. Can you help me clean it up?
I believe that this way of communication is much better and more effective than the tone of complaint and tough command. This method of communication is also called Nonviolent Communication. Now, it has been used in the emotional life by most people, and has been significantly effective. If you dont know it, you can start to learn from today, and believe that your emotional life will have a higher quality improvement.